Travelogues in E flat
by Lizzylizzer
Summary: Repost of an old story. Phase 1: A hurricane implausibly makes Cyborg eat tofu. Phase 2: ? Phase 3: Profit! Or, Robin and Raven end up traveling through time and alternate dimensions. No main pairing, but quite a few pairings appear.
1. A Series of Unfortunate Events

Travelogues (in E flat)

_Chapter One: A Series of Unfortunate Events_

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. Luckily, no one gets hurt by fanfiction except its readers.

* * *

It was five days before Thanksgiving, and all through the Tower, not a creature was stirring. The reasons varied, from meditation, to stashing, to cooking, to being exuberant, to starving.

Cyborg's reason was the last. He lay on the couch hoping for a ham sandwich.

Through bad luck, procrastination, and laziness, no one had gone shopping for three weeks. Raven had retired to her room with herbal tea, cakes, and pastries. She left instructions that she shouldn't be disturbed unless someone was on fire. Massive quantities of food had also vanished when Robin was around. When Beast Boy had asked about it, Robin simply said, "Be prepared."

By that morning, the other Titans were finally aware of the food situation, but a hurricane had sprung up and showed no signs of leaving. Robin claimed to be busy looking at evidence and didn't come down for lunch. No one was one fire, so the other three Titans left Raven alone and went to the kitchen.

Cyborg was mystified. There wasn't anything in the refrigerator except tofu and blue, fur-covered mud. Starfire and Beast Boy didn't seem troubled by this.

"Hey!" Cyborg said. Beast Boy turned around.

"What's up, Cy?"

"Where's the ham?"

Beast Boy shrugged. "I don't think there's any left, dude."

Starfire nodded. "You consumed a great deal yesterday. But I would be glad to share my green ham and eggs with you, Cyborg."

Beast Boy's eyes widened. "Green ham? Insensitive, Starfire!"

"Oh—I am sorry!" She looked quite upset, and Beast Boy hastened to reassure her.

"Hey, hey! It's okay, Star! You can eat whatever you want." He started humming a horrendously off-tune cereal jingle. Suddenly, he stopped. Cyborg breathed a sigh of relief.

"You _could_ try a tofu sandwich," Beast Boy said. Cyborg's sigh turned into a choke.

"_What?_ Nah, man. Just the _thought_ of it makes me sick." Cyborg shuddered.

"Suit yourself." Beast Boy shrugged and went back to his sandwiches. Cyborg groaned and left.

* * *

A heated argument was occurring on a different plane of existence (known to some as the White Space). This argument was between a ball of twinkling energy and a man in an odd suit gesticulating wildly.

"Of course I exist! I was a baby! It's _you_ that doesn't exist. That fish I saw is a dead giveaway. It could not have evolved by chance, proving that you exist. Proof denies faith, and without faith, you're nothing! Nothing… right?"

"Oh dear. I hadn't thought of that."

"As I suspected! Anyway, you can't prove that I'm supposed to be dead! Maybe I'm fulfilling my destiny! Maybe I was fated to turn into a baby there, and that's really how I was born!"

"Of a time loop? That doesn't sound possible. And please, don't shout."

"I'm not shouting!"

Silence.

"All right, I am! I'm shouting, I'm shouting, I'm shou…"

A candlestick fell onto the man in the odd suit, and he fell down. The light darkened despairingly.

"I work in local radio," it said. "What am I doing here?"

A black swirl appeared.

"To be my silly plot device," it said. "By which I mean you will help me fulfill my plot. Now shoo."

* * *

That night, Cyborg was still searching the kitchen, hoping against hope he'd overlooked something. A can of spaghetti and meatballs, maybe, or a can of Spam, or a pizza…

He noticed he was drooling and stopped thinking about pizza. "Why'd you leave me, Oscar Mayer?" he said. "What did I ever do to you?"

"Is that your new boyfriend, Cyborg?" Robin said from the stairs. Cyborg jerked up, hit his head, muttered something, and hit his head again. Reeling, he managed to find his way to a chair, listening to his leader's incredibly irritating laughter… and a crunching sound. He frowned and looked up at Robin, now lounging on the sofa… eating… chips… and _salsa?_

"Where did you get that?" Cyborg yelled desperately, preparing to make a lunge for the Boy Wonder's chips. Robin, realizing his miscalculation, slowly stood up.

"Oh, they're tofu chips. And, uh, tofu salsa," he said.

Cyborg did a double-take. Robin grabbed his food and dashed upstairs before Cyborg could even think about anything besides salsa made out of tofu. When he'd recovered, he heard a door locking in the distance. Sighing, he walked off.

* * *

"All right. Is everything ready?" the black swirl asked.

"Yes, yes. Could I have a cup of tea?" the twinkle of light said.

"_No._ Send him through, damn it, light. We don't need him here. And your stupid dimensional laws may open up new universes if he goes."

"Oh, all right. No need to be so irritable." The twinkle of light flashed red and the man in the odd suit—Warp, the temporal criminal—awoke.

"Right, you're going back now," said the light.

"Back to where?" asked Warp.

"Anywhere," said the black swirl. "Do as you like."

Warp thought about the convenience of this setup, but then felt a strong compulsion to think instead about where he wanted to go. Immediately a single image popped up, that of an innocent-looking, pretty, green-eyed Tamaranean. Damn her.

He would go to Jump City. _Time_ for revenge. No pun intended! Ah, he cracked himself up.

___

* * *

_

This was the last straw. Cyborg had struggled through another day. He had watched Robin make turkey sandwiches—_turkey _—and eventually had fallen asleep pondering the world's injustice.

The next day, Cyborg had seen a giant pizza against the wall of his room. He'd nearly taken a bite out of his recharging unit before he came to his senses. The day only got worse from there, and _still _the hurricane wouldn't let up.

On the fourth day—the fourth afternoon, really—the rain was worse than ever, and Cyborg looked miserably out at the island. The thunder outside rumbled—or was that his stomach? No… it was _both_. He went over to the kitchen in yet another futile hope that somehow food had gotten through to the island and…

There! A steak, lying on the table, glistening appetizingly, lying on a plate, drizzled with barbeque sauce, begging to be eaten, its aroma wafting over to the staring Titan. Cyborg ran over and took humongous bites of the luscious, tender… bland… gooey…

When he dared to look down, Cyborg discovered he was holding a tofu sandwich. He was mortified. At least no one…

Robin came in and saw Cyborg. He stared.

Cyborg gulped. This caused the tofu to go down his throat.

It was unforgettable. The tofu tasted like sweat mixed with cardboard. Beast Boy returned from his trip to the bathroom to find Cyborg, eyes popping out, sitting next to a tofu sandwich that had a giant bite in it.

"Cyborg? Did you…"

Meanwhile, Raven was walking down to the kitchen to get some more hot water for her tea. As she arrived, she saw the scene and her jaw dropped.

"This has got to be one of the signs of the apocalypse," she said, starting for the kettle. Cyborg's brain was whirring. He hadn't eaten solid food in four days, hadn't so much as walked outside in just as long, had started hallucinating, and had just eaten _tofu_.

He snapped. Screaming, he ran out, dragging everything in his way along with him. Much to Raven's dismay, this included her. In fact, it was so much to Raven's dismay that about half of the nearby objects exploded.

Robin posed. This didn't look like a good situation, but at least he could yell his favorite words.

"Titans!"

Beast Boy interrupted. "Is it 'go' or 'trouble' this time?"

Robin opened his mouth, frowning, but Beast Boy forestalled him.

"Or maybe 'move!' or something new?"

Robin glared at him. Deprived of even that small pleasure, he thought. This wasn't shaping up to be the best day.

Then, Cyborg swept through Robin, too. He landed on top of Raven. She controlled the pain while internally swearing bloody vengeance on them all.

* * *

A time portal opened. Warp strode out and up to Titans Tower, sure that he cut a dashing figure in his suit, and that it was even more imposing in the torrential rain.

_Ah, what a dramatic day to return to wreak havoc on those fools. Especially the girl, Starfire._ He brashly posed, with a malicious grin.

"I've been waiting a long time for this…" he said.

He knocked on the door.

Unexpectedly, the door blasted itself to pieces.

The mechanical man burst out, dragging the empath and the annoying multi-colored one along with him. They barreled towards Warp, and before he had _time _to react, they rammed full force into him. He cried out in frustration. His suit went haywire and opened a portal, then began short-circuiting from the rain.

"Not again…" he thought, until he degenerated into an amoeba.

* * *

Raven looked around as Cyborg ran about like a maniac, carrying her, Robin, and about three hundred pounds of debris. She tried to struggle loose, but Cyborg's grip was too strong, and she decided that reassessing the situation would be more productive.

_I'm in close proximity to a Boy Wonder dressed up like a gaudy traffic light, a time-traveling __**idiot**__ who seems incapacitated, as well as a mechanical moron who won't let me go, and is running __**through**__ everything fragile in the Tower. In fact… one of his circuits is flashing overload and is about to blow us towards…_

She extrapolated the trajectory.

_The collapsing time portal._

Deep, deep sigh.

"At least I have a good excuse not to do dish duties this week," she muttered, and braced herself for a shock.

* * *

The phrase _'not shaping up to be the best day'_ ran through Robin's mind. He felt a fuse in his brain threatening to blow, and forced himself to think cheerful, Starfire-like thoughts. He succeeded only in recapping the events of the morning. Cyborg had gone nuts, Beast Boy had interrupted his catchphrase, and now he'd landed on Raven and would have to think of the best way to beg for his life. And why was she stiffening under him? What had she said? Dish duties?

* * *

Beast Boy spat out ketchup from an exploded bottle, cursing Raven's powers, then ran to the door. Cyborg was running around, but not so much in a blur anymore—and then he froze and locked up. The overloaded circuit pulsed. A zap sounded.

The explosion tossed Raven, Robin, and debris into the time portal, and blew Cyborg and other debris back, into the door. The two standing Titans caught a last glimpse of Robin looking surprised and Raven looking sourly resigned as they fell through the rapidly-collapsing time portal.

"Oh, boy," Beast Boy groaned. Every _week_ some kind of ridiculous danger seemed to pop up, with clockwork regularity. Still, two Titans were stuck who-knows-when, and another was incapacitated through… uh, not his tofu. Through a mechanical failure. Tofu wouldn't do such a thing. But how could things get worse?


	2. Definitely not in Kansas

_Chapter Two: Definitely not in Kansas_

* * *

"Turn! Turn!" Raven yelled to Robin. The two Titans were running at full blast away from the edge of the time conduit. In fact, they had been running from it for hours on end, not that that would seem to matter in a time portal. The portal was closing behind them and looking ready to… what? Erase them from time?

"I'm turning, I'm turning!" he shouted back.

Unfortunately, Robin turned upwards. Raven felt like she was in one of Mad Mod's arenas. How could Robin turn _up_, especially in _time_?

Still, she followed him, hoping that he knew something she didn't. The two Titans were approaching what looked like an exit, anyway. Raven was racking up a long list of people to revenge herself on, starting with Beast Boy for having a tofu obsession, Cyborg for being too weak to handle a mild case of starvation, Robin for obeying gravity and landing on her, Warp…

As she contemplated what terrible tortures she would wreak, Robin pulled her through the exit. Surprisingly, no complication arose from leaving the portal; they popped out and the time tunnel sealed itself away. It was nighttime. They were outside Titans Tower, but the building was darkened. Across the bay, Jump City glimmered, its tall buildings lit up sporadically. A crescent moon hung in the sky. The water trickled. All seemed normal. Raven didn't like it.

"It seems too normal," Robin whispered.

"Yeah. Titans Tower being this dark is way too normal," Raven said, rolling her eyes. Robin looked at her.

"No smart comments. Titans!"

"Look. I'm the only one here. You don't have to say that."

Robin sighed. "Fine. Let's look in the tower."

* * *

"It is a fact, friend Cyborg."

Cyborg wasn't listening. "I can't… believe… I had tofu." His expression was a mix between disbelief and terrible fear.

"I didn't have tofu. You're joking," he said.

"Can't you, like, run a molecunalar test on your vomit and check, if you're so paranoid?"

"Well, maybe I will!"

The three remaining Titans sat in the operations room having a council of war. Starfire lounged on the sofa while Beast Boy and Cyborg sat by the viewscreen. Cyborg got up and spooned some vomit onto a slide, then walked out. A few minutes later, they heard an anguished cry from a couple rooms down. Starfire gasped.

"Cyborg!"

"No way," Cyborg said, hitting open the door. "This is all a bad dream. I'm about to wake up."

"You are?" Starfire asked. There was a beat of silence as Cyborg pinched himself.

"No, I guess not," he sighed. "Well, it's not like it can get any worse."

The alarm rang.

* * *

Inside, the Tower was also dark and still. Robin turned on his Bat-light. Raven saw the light and her lip curled.

"Why do you call that thing a Bat-light? Why not just call it a flashlight like a normal person?"

Robin scowled. "What exactly do you know about normal people?"

Another deep silence fell. Robin looked around, fidgeting. The place seemed well-kept despite the eerie emptiness. Everything was as orderly as he could hope for.

"Uh… maybe they're on another floor," he said. Raven glared at him and walked to the elevator. They searched up through the ninth floor without saying another word. On the tenth, Robin spoke up.

"Raven?"

Icy glare.

"I, uh… I'm sorry I said that. It's my knee-jerk corny villain one-liner reaction. You know how it is."

"No, I don't," she said.

"You've done it before, I'm sure of it."

"I'm usually more the muttered sarcastic comment type."

"Irregardless…"

"The word is regardless. There's no such word as 'irregardless,'" Raven said. "And regardless, I accept your apology. Can we go now?"

Robin nodded and smiled at her. That was a mistake. She looked coldly at him and went into the elevator. He followed her in. _Some acceptance._

"To the roof, then," he said.

They emerged into the cool night, and—

"_Surprise!"_ came from above, along with a loud roar. Raven and Robin whirled.

A green dragon with the silhouette of a rider on it came sweeping towards them, and a blast of green energy erupted from it.

* * *

The alarm was still ringing. The three Titans were frozen in heroic positions. Starfire raised one arm and hovered. Beast Boy scowled and gave what he felt was a roguish grin. Cyborg raised his sonic cannon and filled his lungs for a "Booyah!"

And they stayed there.

The alarm continued to give an awkward wail.

Still, no "Titans, go!" was forthcoming.

"Aw, hell," Cyborg said. "Let's go!"

But it just wasn't the same.

* * *

Raven formed a protective shield to deflect the massive energy bolt, but it wasn't aimed at them. Instead, it hit a point off to their right, setting off a display of fireworks. At the same time, the dragon transformed into Beast Boy, Starfire jumped out from under him, the glow around her hands fading from the bolt she'd just thrown, and Cyborg jumped off, grinning.

Raven looked at them. They were all the Titans she knew—her friends—yet there was something different about them—Beast Boy looked taller, Cyborg looked somehow more advanced, and Starfire, well, she mostly looked the same. Beast Boy ran up to her, holding a purple box. He gave it to her and hugged her tightly. She pushed him off, and he looked confused, but carried on.

"Happy birthday, Rae!" he said. "Hey, I thought you stopped wearing that cloak."

"What?" she said. _Rae? I am not Rae._

Starfire was looking intently at Robin, confused.

"Robin? How did you get over there?" she asked. "Weren't you near the fireworks station?"

Raven started. Did she just use a contraction? _Something really is wrong._

Robin looked bewildered. "I've been standing here with Raven the whole time, Star."

Then, another Robin bounded up onto the roof. His hair was swept backwards similarly, but he was wearing a darker and sleeker costume. Also he was a bit taller and rather handsomer—if that was what you were into, anyway, Raven thought. Sorry," he said. "Oh, did I miss it? Happy birthday, Rae."

Then his glance fell upon the other Robin, and his bo staff came whirling out. "What is that?" he shouted.

Robin looked at himself. There was a sudden, uncomfortable silence. Then, a white-cloaked Raven emerged onto the roof, calling, "Guys?" She saw them all and her eyes widened. "Uh…"

The past Raven looked at the white-cloaked one and sighed. "As if this wasn't complicated enough before."

Beast Boy still looked confused. The white-cloaked Raven clarified.

"They're from an alternate dimension."


	3. Yesterday's Titans

_Chapter Three: Yesterday's Titans_

* * *

The Titans—seven of them—sprawled around the operations center on the long sofas, relaxing. Robin was telling the alternate Titans about their situation.

"…and so we went up to the roof and you jumped us. And, uh, sorry for spoiling your surprise, Raven. Um, future Raven, I mean," he finished. The white-cloaked Raven shrugged.

"It's all right, past Robin," she said. The team was silent for a moment. Then, Future Robin burst out.

"My costume used to be like _that_?"

Robin frowned at him. "What's wrong with it? It's high-density polymerized titanium. Nice and snug, and stylish, too."

White Raven, Starfire, and Beast Boy broke into gales of laughter. Future Robin shook his head, shamefaced. Cyborg said, "That went out of use… and style… years ago."

"What? But I only designed it two years ago!"

"How…" Cyborg began. "Yeah, alternate timelines. How far ahead are we?"

"How do we even know that the same events happened in our timeline?" future Robin said.

"Look, dude. We're here, they know the layout of the Tower, and we know all the same people. The odds against that are so bad we might as well have the same things happen and just be a couple years ahead," Beast Boy said.

"That is one of the most… stupid things I've ever heard," said the white-cloaked Raven. "But seriously, tell us about your timeline, Robin."

He did, expounding at length about their formation, Batman, Slade, and recent events.

"It's basically the same history," future Robin said. "Those events you mentioned happened about, oh, five years ago to us."

"So how's the future?" the younger Robin said.

"For one, you've never given up on saying 'Titans! Go!' or something like it," white Raven said.

"Shut up," said Future Robin. Beast Boy took a deep breath.

"We fought this creepy dude called Brother Blood, Cyborg got a new weapon and a girlfriend…"

"Don't listen to him, he's a liar," Cyborg said. "We're just friends."

Both Ravens rolled their eyes. Starfire looked puzzled.

"Then why do you express your affection to her so often?"

"Cyborg's just being a grouchy old half-robot," the future Robin said. "Go on, BB."

"Robin and Starfire have been disgusting and obvious, but it still took them about three years to get serious…"

"I have not been disgusting," Starfire said. "I have been like Cyborg. Expressing my affection."

"What about last Valentine's Day?" Beast Boy asked. Seeing the blank expressions on the past Raven and Robin's faces, he continued. "It went something like this…"

* * *

Beast Boy scanned around the corner, as an ant. A loud noise outside had awakened him from a dream involving Terra, milkshakes, and honey, and he was worried by it. If it was loud enough to wake him up from that…

At the other end of the hall, Cyborg opened his door. Beast Boy tapped against the wall to get his attention, and Cyborg looked down.

"Hey, BB. Did you hear…"

The noise sounded again. "Electronic screwdriver," Cyborg said. He and Beast Boy rushed outside.

They found Starfire, hovering outside the ninth floor, somehow using a screwdriver to nail a stack of metal plates to the windows. She took a sledgehammer and whacked the nails in further. Cyborg glanced at Beast Boy, worried. Then, Starfire's eyes glowed green, and her eyebeams began carving an image.

Beast Boy, in pterodactyl form, carrying Cyborg, hovered outside at a safe distance for a while, until Starfire was done her intricate carvings and flew off. Then he moved in for a closer look. Both he and Cyborg gasped.

"Is that…"

"Did they actually…"

At that moment, Raven appeared, flying off the roof and joining them. Beast Boy noticed she was slightly blushing, looking at the picture Starfire had made.

"Wow," she said. "I didn't know Robin was so…"

"Robin what?" Beast Boy asked.

"Just look for yourself," Raven said, pointing to a corner of the image. Beast Boy paled.

"Too much information!" he yelped, retching. But then he heard bumping, cursing, and dashing footsteps. Seemed like Starfire must have told Robin—

Far below, on the ground floor, Robin slammed open the doors and raced out. The plates were visible—and legible—even from that distance. As was Robin's brilliantly lit face. Beast Boy's first thought was that he'd eaten a tube of lipstick, but no, it was just his blush.

"_Starfire!_" he yelled—but not in the heroic way he usually did. Starfire popped out of the front door and flew towards him with a delighted expression.

"Robin, on my planet, the carving of a mural expresses the desire to initiate a mating—"

* * *

"Oh, no," the young Robin said, rocking back and forth. "Starfire, please tell me you didn't…"

Starfire shrugged. "I didn't know," she said. "Why are humans so skittish about their sexual acts?"

Raven leaned over to the blushing Robin. "I don't buy it," she said. "How do you fit in the spandex if—"

"Shut up, Raven."

* * *

At this, Cyborg burst out laughing. Beast Boy swooped down to the ground, as there wasn't much point in being discreet, transformed into his normal body, and joined in the chorus of laughter. Raven followed—and even her face was unusually mirthful.

Robin shot a glare at all of them that seemed to physically hurt. "Starfire!"

"Is this depiction of us not enjoyable?" she beamed.

"Star… fire!"

"Is your repeating my name an indication of your pleasure?"

Robin sputtered.

"Glorious!" Starfire said, and grabbed him by the hand. "In that case, let us begin!"

Robin looked as if his head was about to explode in a cloud of fury and brains, but Starfire was tugging him along energetically, and he seemed to have no idea of it. Beast Boy's eyes widened and he wondered if he should go into town for lunch.

* * *

"Starfire! I'm not… I mean, I am… but don't… you…" The Robin from Raven's time collapsed into a quivering mess.

"So, the picture really was…" Raven asked. White Raven and Starfire looked at each other and laughed.

"You are not telling her that," both Robins said. "Especially if…" the young Robin added. Beast Boy kept going, heedless.

"…of Robin sitting down, with Starfire…"

The older Robin leapt up and circled Beast Boy in a blur. When he sat down again, Beast Boy's mouth was duct taped shut, and his indignant protests were muffled.

"That was the only time! I never…" Starfire said. The white-cloaked Raven interrupted.

"Except the Tamaranean hamburgers, and the noodle incident, and the romantic mass cult sacrifice. They're recent, too. That painting was just last year. Three months ago, she dragged us all to a _cereal _restaurant, and they played that annoying jingle that's been around for five years."

Beast Boy's eyes lit up and he took a deep breath, presumably to burst into song. Cyborg kicked him and he desisted.

"Two and a half weeks ago," the future Raven said, "Starfire stopped in the middle of pummeling Gizmo into the ground to ask Robin to…"

"Quiet," Starfire said, glaring at the older Raven. She laughed lightly. Raven stared at herself in horror, and snuck glances around the room to see what had exploded. White-cloaked Raven seemed confused for a moment, then realized.

"My—well, our—powers are less trigger-happy now. We managed to deal with Trigon. It's still dangerous, but I can cope a lot better."

"We?" Raven said, alarmed. This was a private matter.

"It wasn't so bad," said the future Raven said, nonchalantly—and no matter whether or not this _was_ her, Raven wanted to yell at her. _It wasn't so bad? It's every day's constant danger! _But, of course, since she _did_ have to control her emotions, she didn't do that.

"It was a good team-building experience."

Raven limited herself to raising an eyebrow.

"Someone explain," said her counterpart. The future Robin started to speak. "It was about three years ago…"

* * *

"Is it not cold tonight?" Starfire asked. Robin grunted and struggled with the appliances.

"On Tamaran, we used body heat to maintain an adequate temperature during particularly cold nights," Starfire said. Robin struggled some more. Finally, the top of the can popped off. Robin poured the Spaghetti-Os into a bowl and put it in the microwave, wiping the sweat off his forehead.

"Sorry, Star, were you saying something?"

Starfire grumbled a bit. Then, Raven swooped into the kitchen, cape and hood obscuring her.

"It seems to have just become colder still, Robin," Starfire said. Raven turned and looked at her, a red glow coming from her eyes. Starfire shut up. Raven got a package of herbal tea out and ripped it open, spilling tea leaves over the counter. She didn't seem to notice or care.

"Raven? You feeling all right?" Robin asked.

Raven looked up. As she met his gaze, he saw a flash of a deep, haunted expression… and of course, the red eyes. She struggled with an answer.

"Mostly," she finally allowed. Robin walked over to her and put his hand on her shoulder. She shied away from his touch.

"If there's something you need to talk about, I'm…"

Starfire coughed for about a minute. It sounded strangely like 'Robin do not do the messing with anyone else,' but who could tell?

"I'm…going to… the mall. But Starfire's always available," Robin finished, deciding to forgo grammatical accuracy. Raven looked at him and swept away without responding.

* * *

"I was _not _that mean," the white-cloaked Raven said, looking indignantly at her time's Robin. "And anyway, I was preoccupied."

"And I had the itch in my throat!" Starfire said, lapsing into old patterns. "I was not hinting!"

The past Raven rolled her eyes. "Continue."

"I'll tell this part, thanks," said the white Raven.

* * *

Raven collapsed into her room, closing her eyes. It had taken a great effort to get upstairs without screaming. She sat, trembling.

Trigon had found a more effective attack. She'd felt her powers draining more energy when she'd exercised them recently. She'd attributed it to stress and lack of concentration, but really the tainted Rage emotion was siphoning her power into him. Now, however, he was pouring the power into her and flooding her.

The end result was that the slightest excitement of emotion set off the greatest avalanches. Keeping it under control was torture.

("What else is new?" Raven asked.

"Shush. It's a lot better now," White Raven said. Beast Boy winked at her and she blushed. Raven rolled her eyes, but then stopped midway. _Blushed? Beast Boy? I hope this isn't going where I think it is,_ she thought.)

Raven sat on the roof trying to meditate, but the very wind seemed a distraction. The birds, the water, the sun… She couldn't concentrate. Still, she tried, and nothing was exploding.

Beast Boy emerged, running and panting. Raven frantically tried to filter him out of her consciousness.

("I guess I just overcame you with my coolness," said the real Beast Boy.

Both Ravens told him to shut up.)

Cyborg blasted onto the roof after him.

"_Stank-ball!_"he yelled, lobbing a glob of… something at Beast Boy, who gasped and transformed into an ant. The ball flew through where Beast Boy had just been and impacted.

On Raven, of course. Time froze.

"Eheheh…" Beast Boy laughed. "Now, Raven, you don't want to go doing anything you'll regret, right?"

She yelled a high-pitched, infuriated scream and let go of everything.

The roof of the Tower rippled in dark energy. Cyborg and Beast Boy were encased in it and hurled off the roof. Raven channeled the energy to everywhere, through anywhere.

Robin and Starfire dashed up to the roof. The small part of Raven's mind that was still objective wondered why they looked disheveled.

("Because I was training!" the future Robin exclaimed.

But Starfire frowned. "I thought that we were—"

"Can we get on with the story?" asked the present Robin, a little bit red himself.)

"_Die!_" Raven yelled, in unfamiliar reverberating tones. "_Suffer! All of you! Trigon has come for this world!"_

"Sorry, but it's occupied," Robin said. Beast Boy in pterodactyl form, carrying Cyborg, emerged and hovered off the edge of the roof.

"Please, Raven, why do you call yourself Trigon?" Starfire asked.

The demon was put off.

"Well, it's traditional to occupy the—Never mind that. Revel in your death, Titans!"

The demon's body arose from Raven, and she fell, unconscious. Beast Boy dropped Cyborg…

("And not very lightly," Cyborg said. "I _still_ have dents from that."

Both Ravens rolled their eyes. "You haven't fixed dents from two years ago?"

"They're in a place too awkward to operate on," Cyborg said. Beast Boy turned lime green.

"Go… go on, Rave," he said.)

Beast Boy swooped under Trigon, grabbing Raven out from under the demon. Starfire blasted him with starbolts, to little effect.

* * *

"Do you not find it inconvenient that whenever we come up against a serious villain, starbolts either miss or have little effect?" Starfire asked.

"Look, can I _tell_ my story or not?" asked future Raven.

"How do you know this story anyway?" the Robin from the past asked. "You said you were unconscious."

Raven paused.

"Uh… soul self."

"Uh-huh," Robin said, an eyebrow raised. She scowled. Past Raven braced for an explosion that never came. Instead, Robin began lifting off the floor, choking and wide-eyed.

"I find your lack of faith… disturbing," white-cloaked Raven said.

"Enough of this! Raven! Release him," said Starfire.

"As you wish," said the white Raven, doing so. Robin gasped for breath, glowering at white-Raven.

"This bickering is pointless," the Tamaranean continued.

"Just like th…" past Raven started. Starfire's eyes glowed and Raven decided her (pithy, she thought) comment wasn't worth the risk of being incinerated.

"Our Raven will provide us with our story," Starfire said. Robin chuckled. Raven wondered when Starfire had learned to sound threatening.

"All right," said the white Raven. "So where were we? They got handily beaten by Trigon, and retreated…"

* * *

The Titans were inside, listening to Trigon destroying the sixth floor.

"Well," Robin said. "We can reassemble, regroup and attack again with a better plan. If we can find out more about Trigon's capabilities, we should…"

He looked around at the assembled group. Starfire was examining Raven, still knocked out. Beast Boy was on the other side of Raven. So was Cyborg… wait!

"Is anyone listening to me?" he asked.

No one responded. Robin grumbled.

"She is not awakening," said Starfire finally. "It must be a healing trance. In the meantime, I believe Robin was saying something."

The other Titans turned to Robin. He sulked in a corner.

"Hey, Rob!" Cyborg said. "We're listening."

"Huh? Oh, good. So…"

He ranted. The other Titans, one by one, tuned him out. Eventually, Starfire asked.

"By Mamarand'r's grebnacks, what are you speaking of, Robin?"

* * *

"She _still_ hasn't told me what that means," said the future Robin. The white-cloaked Raven shot a death glare at him and he quieted.

"So Robin was babbling…"

* * *

"…a useful formation to attack larger targets!"

Beast Boy yawned. "Useful."

"Have you been listening?" said the leader of the Titans.

"No," the others chorused.

"I've been telling you about our battle plan," Robin said.

Before he could continue, the ceiling smashed in and Trigon dropped in. He stumbled, winced, and cursed, mumbling "Stupid overhangs." Then, he saw the Titans.

"_My… cunning plan to search you out has succeeded!" _he boomed.

Pause.

"You fell down, didn't you?" Robin asked.

"_Silence, mortal fool, and fight!"_

They fought again, yet nothing impeded him; in fact, he looked empowered.

("So naturally, you kept blasting him," past Raven smirked. Starfire's eyes flashed green and Raven quieted.)

Robin's mind raced.

"That's it. None of our attacks has worked, and he keeps enticing us to attack him. What if instead…"

"Yo, Robin! We can't get this guy down! Any ideas?" Cyborg shouted.

"Stop attacking him!" Robin yelled. "Starfire, can you create a shield for us from your energy?"

"Perhaps, Robin…"

"And Cy, bolster it with your sonic cannon."

"That's iffy, but…"

"Ah, it'll work… I have this _feeling,_" said Robin.

* * *

The past Raven smirked. "It's a little bit funny… this feeling inside… Is Robin becoming a Big Boy Wonder?"

Starfire started charging her eyebeams but thought better of it. Instead, she got a devious expression. "Oh, Raven. You don't know how big. The other night, we were in…"

Raven paled. "Uh… why doesn't your Raven go on with the story now?"

Starfire was now the one smirking. Triumphantly. It was an odd sight.

* * *

"As if something is desperately trying to end itself, but can't without an arbitrary plan," Robin said. "Beast Boy and I'll hold him off while you make the bubble shield. Around Raven, too. Titans—go!"

Starfire held her arms up and created a sphere of green energy around Cyborg, her, and Raven, expanding it slowly. Too slowly, maybe, Cyborg thought. Trigon was overwhelming Beast Boy and Robin.

"Rob! You better get in here fast!" he yelled, adjusting his arm cannon and firing into the shield. Robin threw one last electric disk at Trigon and jumped into the bubble; Beast Boy leapt in after him, and it closed.

* * *

"Yeah, and then we waited there for hours and I had to use the _bathroom _and..."

Beast Boy whined for a few minutes. Raven cut him off.

"So after a couple of hours, I woke up from my trance."

* * *

"Uhh…" Raven looked around. She was surrounded by a patchy green bubble that someone was pounding on. Beast Boy appeared at her side.

"All right there, Rae?" he said. She nodded.

Inside the bubble, it was quiet. She propped herself up. Robin saw her.

"Good, Raven, you're awake. Star's been getting tired." The Titans gathered around her.

"So, Rae, is this really your dad? Because it would explain a lot," Beast Boy said. Raven glared at him. The other Titans winced and looked away. Raven dragged Beast Boy over and talked in a low tone.

"It's not funny, Beast Boy."

"Uh… sorry, Rae. I was just trying to cheer you up a little. You look…"

The corners of her mouth quirked up.

"What? Intelligent? Depressed? Beautiful?"

"Yeah, exac… wait, I mean, no, I mean, yes, but no, but…" Cyborg's hand clamped down on his shoulder and steered him away.

"Anyway," he said. "Tell us about Trigon, Raven."

"So I did," the alternate Raven said. "He was an extradimensional creation, the product of a god and a mortal's negative essence."

Beast Boy's eyes glazed over.

"He was a demon."

"Oh."

"Anyway," Raven said.

* * *

"…and then he took over his universe."

Silence.

"Okay," Robin said. "I guess we…"

"Are dead like the Wicked Witch of the West," Beast Boy supplied. Starfire's eyes lit up.

"Was this witch not killed by the dumping of a water bucket?"

"Uh… yeah…"

"Then I have an idea!"

The Titans exchanged glances worriedly.

"All right, Star. I guess it can't hurt. You do that while we hold him off," Robin said.

"I will require assistance," she said. "Beast Boy, come with me."

* * *

"She removed the bubble and flew downstairs with BB. We held Trigon off pretty well, considering," said Raven. "Meanwhile, downstairs…"

* * *

Starfire left the kitchen, calling to Beast Boy, "Mix the ingredients well!"

Beast Boy popped his head in. "I did! I did twenty minutes ago! Since then I've just been making tofu. What're you doing with all these peppers anyway?"

Starfire was down the hall and didn't hear him. "Oh well," he said, walking into the kitchen. Water was running through a filter in the sink. A bucket of... salsa lay on the counter. Beast Boy's expression turned conspiratorial.

"I have the _best_ idea!" he said. He ran into the other room, took his tofu, and stirred it into the salsa carefully.

* * *

Robin and Raven looked at each other, horrified.

"Tofu _salsa_?"

"It wasn't supposed to be salsa," said Starfire. "You see…"

* * *

"Beast Boy! I must have those spices now!"

"Geez, all right," he said. He appeared and brought them to her, then left again. Starfire mixed the spices into her concoction on the counter and hit the filtered water from the sink with a single light starbolt. It sizzled. She grinned and poured the water into the holy _Margthlorp_.

* * *

"Holy what, Bat…" Robin began. Then he shook himself. "Sorry, force of habit. Holy _what_, Starfire?"

"_Margthlorp_. What you could call… Tamaranean… holy water," Starfire said.

"And," Beast Boy added, "It looks like salsa."

* * *

Starfire flew with the bucket up to the battlefront.

"Friends! Attack him with all your might and I will finish him!"

"With _what_?" asked Raven.

"_Margthlorp_."

No one understood.

"Please, friends, attack him while I ready myself!"

"This is _not _going to work," said Raven. She, Robin, and Cyborg attacked anyway.

("Beast Boy was still in the kitchen making tofu," said Cyborg.

"Figures," said Robin.)

Throwing all their powers behind the attack, they knocked Trigon down, and Starfire drew intricate diagrams with the fluid around Trigon's body. They had no effect, though, and the alien girl was infuriated.

"Why do you not lose, red one? Eat _Margthlorp_!" She grabbed the bucket and dumped it on Trigon.

Beast Boy dashed up the stairs. "Star! Star, where's my tofu salsa?"

"I am busy, Beast Boy!"

"_Dude, forget Trigon! Where's my tofu salsa?"_

"Your what?" Raven asked.

"Tofu salsa!"

"That is possibly the worst idea I've ever heard."

"Ah, you're just… uh…"

"What? Jealous?"

"Yeah!" shouted Beast Boy. "Everyone's a critic."

"Well, if I'm right, Starfire just dumped your precious salsa on Trigon."

"_What?" _Beast Boy spun around, hatred in his eyes.

"What Raven means is that Trigon knocked your tofu salsa onto himself by accident," Starfire cut in. Beast Boy whirled towards the demon on the ground.

"_You monster! First you take Terra…"_

"He didn't…" Robin started.

"…_then you take my rubber ducky…"_

"And I thought I was attached to my toys," Cyborg said.

"_…and now my tofu salsa?"_

"Uh, Beast Boy?" Robin said. "That salsa of yours seems to be working." He was resoundingly ignored.

Beast Boy's body rippled and bulged. There was an awful tearing noise, then he mutated into a giant dragon. He looked down at Trigon, who was… cringing. Beast Boy took a deep breath, and fire shot out his nostrils towards Trigon.

"That hurt," he mumbled. "Oh well." He inhaled again and blasted the crouching demon over and over…

"Beast Boy! I think his goose is pretty well… cooked." _Zing! _Robin thought.

Indeed, Trigon was shrinking and charred. He opened his eyes, horrified.

"My regeneration! I've… I've fallen and I can't get up!"

("You're _joking_," said Robin.

"Maybe exaggerating a little," said the older Raven. "Deal with it.")

"You fools, you have doomed us all!" yelled Trigon. "If I die, I will take you with me! Yet why can I not absorb your hatred and feed myself?"

"I thought _you _were corny, Robin," Cyborg said.

"It must be this vile, spicily bland substance! It's… _salsa? Tofu salsa!_"

"And you wanted to eat it," Raven said.

"I'll be back. _I'll be back!_" yelled the red entity, starting to burn. Raven chanted and a black sphere formed around the dwindling demon. Trigon looked up, dismayed.

"I can't even explode and kill you in death? You're no daughter of mine."

"Thank Azar for _that_," Raven said.

* * *

"That was kind of anticlimactic," past Robin said.

"Not every story's an epic," said future Raven.

Beast Boy stood. "Now, Rae, for real this time—happy birthday!" He brought her his purple box and embraced her. She hugged him back.

_She what?_ … _*I* what?_ Past Raven was mortified. The white-cloaked Raven saw her, and understood. She got up and hugged her tightly. Raven stiffened.

"Uh, Starfire said that in the future, I wore a white cloak and I was crazy," she said. "I can see what she meant. Why are you hugging me?"

White-cloaked Raven shifted her eyes to the side. The other future Titans got up and approached Raven.

"Why? Well… so you don't kill yourself when I tell you that Beast Boy and I—"

"Don't… say it," said past Raven, filled with foreboding.

"The story's way too long to tell, and my throat's already tired. Maybe I'll tell you the full story later on, if you ask enough. Let's just leave it at, we had a whole bunch of adventures together, and I appreciated him always being there, so I could beat the crap out of him. In the end, Beast Boy and I—"

"I refuse to believe this," said the past Raven.

"Beast Boy…"

"Is Beast _Man!"_ Beast Boy leapt onto a table and did a jig. The two Ravens watched, one in horror and the other in quiet amusement. Objects began exploding in a frenzy of black energy. The other Titans eyed them warily.

"Uh… I guess that was a mistake," Beast Boy said, sheepish. Literally sheepish.

Past Raven shook her head.

"You're joking… distasteful as _that_ idea is."

"Well, he's really not such a bad guy. And his jokes are funny."

Raven stared. The slight whir of the heating was the only sound for a minute. _I don't think I can handle any more of this._

Beast Boy grinned. "And don't forget, I invented tofu salsa, the greatest thing since Edison invented sliced bread on December 7, 1941!"

The white-cloaked Raven … giggled.

Raven silently screamed. Robin's mind boggled. They turned as one and fled the room. Raven desperately hoped for some way, any way, to get out of this screwed-up dimension. As if in response, a black portal opened in a swirl right in front of her. The two fleeing Titans stopped.

"Yeah… as a rule, I don't go in strange, randomly opening portals," Raven said.

Beast Boy appeared in the doorway. Raven looked around for an escape and found none. The future Raven tried once more.

"I was surprised too, but tofu salsa is _good_. We went out on a date last night…"

Raven panicked. "Don't tell me! I don't want to know!"

Beast Boy waved a bag of chips and some disgusting-looking white stuff at her.

"You know you want to try it!" he wheedled. Raven grimaced and muttered inappropriate comments. She felt herself on the verge of bursting out with nonsensical shouting. Instead, she added another to her mental litany of things to get revenge on for these stupid, stupid travels. _Hm… Warp, Cyborg, Beast Boy, Robin, Azar, Trigon, Robin again, Starfire, sanity, and now, tofu._

"Whatcha thinking, Raven?" Beast Boy asked.

"Starfire, sanity, and now… tofu!" she hissed.

"You want it? Great! Here, have some." Beast Boy came towards her. She whipped up her head and yelled something random at Beast Boy.

* * *

"_Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens!"_ The Titans stopped, amazed, and approached Raven, concerned for her sanity.

* * *

Raven was concerned about her sanity, too, but she put it aside as a matter for another time. For now, she'd take action.

She enveloped all the future Titans in black energy, but felt a resistance coming from them that threatened to break her control. She expended all the power she could, but felt herself weakening, and her eyes moved to the black portal.

"The exception makes the rule," she muttered, and turned and pulled Robin in.


	4. With a Golden Hand

_Chapter Four: With a Golden Hand_

Merry Christmas, readers. Sorry if you were hoping for the finale of the banana story. I'm saving that for tomorrow night.

* * *

Raven fell through the portal again, felt a strange, vibrating chill, then slid about inside and dropped out through a hole. She had dropped into… an elevator shaft. The elevator shaft in Titans Tower, in fact.

"Déjà vu," said Raven, and executed a quick levitation. Only… she didn't. She was still falling down the shaft.

She cursed softly. Must have overblown her powers for the moment in keeping the future Titans down. She hoped the uncontrolled exertion hadn't blown anything up. Now that she thought about it, she'd definitely overreacted to them. Sure, at the time…

She felt her cloak brush against the wall of the elevator shaft, and instantly focused again. No powers, no handholds, and a rapidly approaching floor. She had no idea why she was so sanguine about the situation; it looked grim, to say the least—

A hand grabbed her around the waist. Yeah, apparently this would play out exactly as it had once before. Robin, hanging by a grappling hook, was somehow defying Galileo and falling faster than her. However, she didn't want to think about it too much, in case doing so would, like Wile E. Coyote, make him stop falling faster and cause her untimely demise.

She relaxed a bit as the two Titans swooped to higher ground. They landed outside the entrance to the elevator on the third floor. Robin gave her a half-smile.

"What do elevators have against you?" he asked.

In a normal situation, the dark Titan would have deadpanned a response that would make Robin blush, stammer, or at least shut up. Fortunately for him, she chose to ignore it, instead surveying the Tower to check for any differences.

Again, she spotted no major ones. The layout of the rooms was slightly different, but they were generally in the same places. It was still night outside; the stars were twinkling in the right places. The tower was quiet, but that could be expected. Robin motioned to her.

"Raven. Let's split up and search the floors. Maybe someone _here_ can help us, if we went even further forward in time."

"How, exactly?"

"I'm not sure," he said, "but it's got to be better than just sitting here. If we can get them to tell us some more stories…" He couldn't repress a slight smile.

Raven's eyes pierced into him.

"No," she said.

"Uh… yeah. I'll take the odd floors, you take the even?" he said. She nodded and they parted.

* * *

Robin was on the seventh floor when he heard it. Raven giggling again.

His mind leapt to the obvious conclusion, and he went towards the sound. It came from behind a single closed door, with a laser-inscribed "RR – Birds of a Fehll" in his own handwriting, and then some scribbling.

_There was a struggle for the laser,_ he thought.

To the right of that was "get syphilis whenever" in Beast Boy's scratchy writing. Next to it, a clear imprint of Beast Boy's head wincing was splashed out.

He chuckled and knocked lightly on the door. A mumbled argument sounded on the other side, then a few beeps. On his side, a camera whirred and appeared.

"What the hell?" said Raven from inside. The door swished open, and a… discombobulated Raven appeared, standing next to an untidy Robin, several inches taller.

"Tim?" he asked.

"No, not quite," he said, feeling chagrined. "I'm you, but I'm from an alternate universe."

He didn't expect his reaction.

"_Dammit!_ Another one of you. Tell me, which one did _you_ hook up with? BB? _Slade_? _Gizmo's father's former roommate with blonde hair, blue eyes, and a slim, 'curvaceous' figure like the last one?"_ The older Robin hyperventilated. Raven laughed and hugged him swiftly.

Robin was flummoxed. This dimension was going to be even worse than the last.

* * *

Raven saw a light on in the kitchen.

"Finally," she muttered, and trudged towards it. _Oh, Beast Boy. Maybe I can forget that I might be fated to… to…*like* him_.

"Beast Boy?"

He turned around, surprised. Raven suddenly realized there was a girl there. Well, a female of some kind. Raven wasn't exactly impressed with his taste—tart red hair, piercing, overly bright green eyes… Raven suspected that not all of the red on his face was him blushing.

"Raven! You said you'd be in your room the rest of the night!"

The girl yelped, too, and scurried out of the room—she almost seemed to be flying. Raven shrugged.

"I… I'm not from around here," she said. Why was this so awkward?

"What? Just go bother Robin, would ya?"

"No, I'm not your Raven. I'm from another dimension."

Raven, too, expected surprise, perhaps disbelief…

"_Double monkey dammit! Fourth time this week!" _yelled Beast Boy. Suddenly, someone zoomed into the room and dashed to the refrigerator. From the flying, Raven could tell it was Starfire, her hair coiled prettily, her body more full than before. She blurred around for half a minute and then reappeared, a bag of chips and some … tofu salsa in her hands.

"Come, Beast Boy, partake of a snack!" she said. His back was turned, but he sniffed the air and was there next to Starfire like a Flash, either Wally or Barry.

"Awesome!" he cried, his voice muffled by his stuffed face. Starfire looked up, her relief evident, and walked over to Raven, now thoroughly freaked out.

"I'm sorry, Raven, but you know how he is. It seems this dimension is a magnet for travelers, and with infinite dimensions there are a large number of travelers," Starfire explained. Raven nodded.

"That's okay, Starfire. Did you just use a contraction, by the way?"

"Yes, Raven. I guess your dimension must be in the past relative to us."

"How long has it been since you beat Slade?"

"Hm… eight years." Starfire looked worried. "Raven," she said, "if you are from that long ago, then you might be … surprised to know that you are dating someone."

"Depends on who that someone is," she grumbled. "Actually, no, it doesn't. We just got here from a dimension where I was dating _Beast Boy._"

Starfire seemed to blush harder than usual. "Yes. Of course. Well, you see, seven years ago, I was very attracted to Robin…"

"I've _noticed_," Raven said.

"…and I tried to show him my affections at every opportunity…"

"Noticed that, too."

"…and he seemed to share this."

"Noticed," Raven said, "that, as well."

"But my clever plan backfired on me…"

* * *

"Robin, lover!"

"Starfire! Starfire, I can't believe you! What would you draw _that _for?" Starfire hummed around cheerfully, glad he was so enthusiastic.

She finished drawing the lower half of Robin and heard gasps from her growing audience below, and flashed a grin for the crowd.

"Thank you, kind audience!" she yelled down, and continued drilling the plates into the ninth-floor window. For some reason, Robin looked as if he was turning into a Blargonian _traglornarf_.

When she voiced this opinion, though, he stomped away, deflating.

* * *

"That's funny. We just came from a dimension where the same thing happened, but it was _four_ years after Slade's defeat and not one year," Raven said.

"That could be why," Starfire mumbled. "Anyway…"

* * *

Inside, Robin collapsed onto the sofa. Raven was sitting there, reading, and looked up as he walked in.

"Something wrong, Robin?"

"It's Starfire!" he practically yelled. "I… I haven't really told anyone this, okay?"

Raven looked at him steadily. "If it's how you like her, everyone's already noticed. Except her."

"What? How…"

"Gee, maybe it's the freaking out over her arranged marriage, or the way you constantly rush to her defense, or the long talks on the roof, or the time you saved her _and not me_ from the alligators…"

Robin was left no response, and forged on. "Well, then you know that. But she's so frustrating! Sometimes I wonder if I don't _like_ her like her, but just like her like I like—"

Raven winced. "Slow down."

Robin took a breath. "I mean, she's beautiful and that really obscures things. How am I supposed to know if I like her for that, like a crush, or for who she is, or whatever? And I mean, I certainly can't picture, well, you know, with her."

When she didn't respond with anything but a small, knowing smile, he flushed.

"Forget I said that," he grumbled. Raven's face grew serious.

"In all honesty, Robin, I think you should just tell her what you told me."

"I can't do that!"

"It'd be the simplest and most honest thing to do. Give the relationship a shot. In case you didn't notice, she likes you too."

"How should you know?"

"I don't know," she said. "Maybe, to take one example, the metal plates she's drilling into the Tower with inscriptions of you two doing unspeakable acts."

Robin slumped. "I'd just forgotten those, too. What am I thinking?"

"Not much, as usual," Raven muttered.

"Sorry?"

"Nothing."

"I can't do this," Robin said, pacing around. "I lived with _Batman_. But I'm afraid of doing this. And that makes us so different. How am I supposed to go out with Star?"

"You get along fine," Raven said. "Incidentally, expressing your self-pity might not have been a good idea."

"Why?"

"She's right behind you and on the warpath."

("Incidentally, Raven, that wasn't a fair description. I was troubled, but I was _not_ on any path of war!"

Raven sweatdropped. "Uh… I didn't say it, Starfire."

The alien blushed. "Right.")

Robin spun.

"You… you do not feel like being lovers?" Starfire asked. "We are not the item?"

Robin stammered something inarticulate. It just wasn't his day. Starfire burst into tears and flew off down the hall. Robin looked anxiously after Starfire, and heard a whump and two startled exclamations.

"Titans!" he said, leaping up.

"Stop that," Raven said.

"Not a chance."

She placed her hand over his mouth. He started to open it, but then stopped. An awkward moment passed. They looked at each other. A minute passed, and still Raven found herself staring at Robin.

"Uh, mmvehhh? Ucuntakuhuhndonuh."

"What?"

"Ucuntakuhuhndonuh."

"I can take my hand off now… Oh." Raven swiftly took her hand away, and he grinned.

"I better check out what happened in the hall. Thanks for the advice, Raven." His expression grew serious. Even a little dramatic. "Even though I just ruined it."

He clapped a hand on her shoulder. "Thanks for everything, in fact."

* * *

"Things… proceeded from there," Starfire said. "I suppose Robin and I… drifted. It became even more awkward than before. But it was not entirely a bad thing." She shot a mysterious glance in Beast Boy's direction, which Raven wasn't quite sure what to make of.

But Starfire was blushing. "It certainly," she said, "helped you and Robin."

Raven stared.

oooo

Robin stared. No, that was definitely him… and another white-cloaked Raven.

"_No._ Starfire I can handle, but Raven? Is that even possible? That's way out of left field," he mumbled to himself.

"Yeah, I guess you would think so," his older self said.

"How long has it been since Slade was defeated?" he asked.

"About eight years. Is that when you're from?"

"Yeah. It was shorter in the last dimension."

They continued to converse. The white-cloaked Raven closed her eyes and winced. The Robin crosstalk was hurting her brain. She heard far-off steps running towards them, and the other Raven burst in.

"How many of you are there?" asked the older Robin.

"Just us two."

The alternate Robin winked at his Raven. Both of the traveling Titans noticed and pretended not to.

"Well, then, make yourselves at home. We'll get a room ready for you for the night, and then we can see about helping you get back to your own universe."

"Great," said the younger Raven.

"In the meantime, I think Beast Boy's making something downstairs in the kitchen."

"He was. Making out with some redhead," the younger Raven said.

The older Robin glanced at his Raven with a faint hint of a smile. "Yeah, what else is new? But I meant that, if you guys are hungry, he probably made some food."

"What, tofu chips and salsa or something? No, thanks," said Robin.

"No, he's expanded his culinary interests," said the older Raven. "Just check."

The traveling Titans shrugged and left. The older Robin crossed the room to the intercom and thumbed a switch. A dial tone sounded, he pressed some buttons, and Cyborg's voice answered.

"Yo, Robin."

"Cyborg, we've got one of me and one of Rae here. Dimensional travelers. Get their room ready. Singular. Let's help them along a bit, huh?"

Beast Boy cut in.

"Me and Cyborg are on it like hobos on ham sandwiches!"

There was an extended pause.

"Uh… right, we're getting their room ready. Let's go, Cy!"

* * *

In the kitchen, Raven and Robin found a rather gourmet-looking cheese pizza and, less glamorously, cups of soda lying out. Robin took something out of his utility belt that Raven didn't recognize and put it in the pizza. He hooked it to his belt and peered over it.

"That's funny. It's actually cheese pizza, not tofu cheese or something," he said. He stuck his analyzer in the soda.

"And this is real soda, not soy soda. BB's changed, too."

"He drinks soy soda?" Raven asked, looking like she was going to vomit.

Robin looked amused. "Yeah. I still don't get how we're together in this universe, you know? I couldn't picture anything like it. I don't think that you…"

He stopped, sensing something odd from Raven. "No offense or anything, Raven…"

"None," she said, "taken. Let's eat."

They ate in silence.

* * *

"So we have to share a room? The whole tower is taken up?" Raven said with more than a hint of distaste in her voice. Cyborg shrugged apologetically.

"We've had a lot of redesigns, and when Star won the lottery two years ago, she went out on a _long_ shopping spree and our storage rooms filled up. I cleared out what I could."

"I hope at least there're separate beds," Raven said. "No _offense_ or anything, Robin."

"I'm sorry, Raven!" said the frustrated leader of the Titans. "I didn't mean I don't like you. It's actually the opposite!"

* * *

Future Robin sat in his control room watching them from the cameras around Titans Tower. Raven stood, her head on his shoulder, watching with him. At the past Robin's words, he grinned in triumph.

* * *

"I don't know what you're talking about," Raven said. "But whatever. Now hurry up."

The two Titans went into the room and Robin flipped on the light. He raised an eyebrow, and heard Raven's sharp intake of breath behind him.

"Cyborg? Did _you_ do this?" said Robin.

"Well, it was for our Robin and Raven—"

Raven noticed that Robin had not flinched at all this time. That was nice of him, if a little transparent of a strategy… well, or was it?

"—when they had this room last year."

"Artistically done," Raven said, running her hand along the left wall, where Cyborg had drawn a raven silhouetted against the moon. Across lay a picture of a robin in a huge tree. And in the middle…

* * *

"Very subtle, Michaelangelo. And way to lie to them. We were never in that room," Future Robin said, frowning at Cyborg through the camera, though the mechanical Titan couldn't see him.

The text message "thanks" appeared on his screen, from Cyborg. Robin spoke into the microphone again. "Why did you put a nest with a sunset in the background? Isn't that a little _too_ obvious?"

"Hey, they're not complaining. I happen to think it's clever."

* * *

"Sleep tight," Cyborg said. The young Robin wondered what Cyborg was tapping out on his arm, but the older Titan left, closing the door.

* * *

Raven came out of the bathroom in a white robe, grimacing.

"Only white robes?" Robin asked from the left mattress. She scowled.

"Yes," she said, and pulled a blanket around her, then turned out the light. Robin shrugged and decided to try to get as much sleep as he could. But his mind was still running in circles. After a while, Raven spoke up.

"Robin?" she said.

"Yeah?" he asked. There was a pause, one long enough that he wondered whether she had fallen asleep.

"Do you think we'll get back?" she asked quietly.

"I think we will, Raven, sooner or later. I mean, what are the chances with so many universes we'd fall into two with future versions of ourselves and our exact pasts? Someone's probably directing us around. And how did that portal open at the right time last universe?"

"I think… I kind of _thought _it into existence. I wanted it to be there, and then it was there," Raven said. "It's a black portal, but it's not like my powers. I don't know."

"Maybe if these guys get so many dimensional travelers, they've made a way to transport them back home." He fell silent, and was drifting off to sleep when her voice gently prodded him awake again.

* * *

Raven had been lying awake for minutes on end, her head spinning and her body feeling strangely out of place on the cool sheets of someone else's bed. It was mostly mental activity that was her problem, though. Finally, Raven bit the bullet and asked him.

"Robin?"

"Y-yeah?" He yawned.

"Oh, sorry," she said. She didn't sound very sorry even to her own ears. "I thought you were still awake."

"I am now. What's the matter?"

"Did you mean it? When you said 'it's just the opposite,' I mean?"

Robin turned over. "Yeah," he said sleepily. "Of course. How can you even think it wasn't?" His voice was thin and slow.

After a few minutes, it was clear he had fallen back asleep. Raven, feeling inexplicably cheerier, gradually fell into a fitful sleep too.

oooo

Future Robin rubbed his eyes. At least it was a cool experiment that was keeping him up so late. He pressed the 'on' button on Cyborg's Dream-O-Matic 2000™.

oooo

Raven woke up, feeling rested and somewhat happy, even. She stretched and got out of the bed, then gasped as she felt nothing under her supporting her, and fell…

oooo

Raven woke up, confused. "Robin, tell me that was just a dream. Tell me I wasn't dipped in a vat of tofu salsa and forced to sing that stupid cereal jingle. Tell me…"

She looked down at Robin and almost screamed. His arm was around her shoulders, and hers was around his. "Robin! You little… wait a second."

_Most people can't read in dreams, _she remembered. She chanted and a book fell into her free hand. Opening it, she saw a complete jumble, and breathed a sigh of relief.

Still, she waited a few seconds before willing herself to wake up.

* * *

Raven woke up, worried. She shifted her eyes around nervously, and grabbed a book.

"Dear Diary, got back from Nevermore, bright emotion told me it was love, saw Robin in…" She winced. "Well, I guess this isn't a dream. But I did not want to read those words."

She tossed the book back.

"Why am I _talking_ to myself?"

"I don't know either," Robin said, sounding freshened and awakened on the other mattress. Raven cast a chagrined look at him.

"You didn't hear any of that."

"Nope, not one word," Robin said. Raven inwardly thanked him. He went on. "Let's go see if they can send us back."

* * *

"Yeah. I've had it running a search for your dimension, but it could be days and days before it finds yours," Future Robin said, lounging in his chair by the Tower's supercomputer.

Raven sighed. "All right."

"Breakfast is ready!" Starfire called from downstairs. The two travelers exchanged worried looks.

"She stopped making that terrible Tamaranean food," said Future Robin. "Except zorkaberries—and they're edible. In fact, I'll come with you."

* * *

Once they did get down, however, they found Starfire and Beast Boy arguing with each other. Pancakes were splattered on the floor, covered in some kind of white cream.

"Look, all I'm saying is," Beast Boy said, "it goes good…"

"Well," Raven said. "You mean that it goes well." He shot a dark look at her.

"It goes good with everything else, so why not pancakes?"

"Beast Boy, we have guests, and it'd be inappropriate to experiment on them," Starfire explained patiently.

Future Robin shuffled his feet and cleared his throat.

"I'll make some more pancake," Starfire said, in a tone that brooked no dissension. Beast Boy sighed.

"All right," said Future Robin, anxious now to escape. "I'll go do some work."

"Why don't you tell us some stories in the meantime, Star?" Robin said.

"_No_," Raven said, but it was too late to stop Starfire.

"About what, Robin? Slade? Trigon? Darfidius? Beast Boy and I going to your Hawaii island and accidentally starting a war…"

"Hey! We didn't do that," Beast Boy said. Starfire looked at him.

"Directly," he muttered. Starfire continued.

"Or… I know, you'd rather hear of yourselves."

Raven was about to demur, but Starfire would have none of it. "Let's see… this was a little over seven years ago. Robin was bored and decided to go out on a patrol of the city, encountering Cinderblock trying to escape…"

* * *

"Titans, come in!"

The communicator sparked and fizzled. Robin swore. This was supposed to be a vacation day. Everyone was out, so the alarm system at the Tower would be going off to no avail.

"So much for backup," he said, and leapt at the giant concrete man. He battled Cinderblock to a stalemate for fifteen minutes, taking cover from the dangerous blows and throwing explosive disks. Still, he couldn't take him down on his own—he was just too big to target fully without some kind of plan.

Three blocks away, Raven stepped out of a café, sighed, and prepared to fly home. _Nothing ever changes around here,_ she thought. _Trigon always ruins my life._

_Not,_ a small voice said,_ that anyone'd care even if you could._

She shivered. Self-pity disgusted her even more than… well, her self. It was a vicious cycle. At that, she grimly smiled, lifted her cloak and flew off. As she passed over Robin, though, she heard the commotion and dropped down.

"Robin. Need some help?"

Robin looked over at her. "It'd be appreciated," he said, and flung an electric disk, jumping out from behind a pile of rubble. Raven closed her eyes and enclosed a car in black energy, flinging it at Cinderblock to knock him down. It did, and he was buried under the pile of rubble. They waited, but it didn't move.

"That was quick," Robin said.

_Wham._ On cue, Cinderblock threw the debris off and Robin attacked him. The concrete villain blocked every hit, though. Raven gathered her power and lobbed everything she could lift in the general area at Cinderblock.

Unexpectedly, he collapsed into a pile of pebbles in a flash. Horrified, she watched as Robin was hit with the pile of junk at full force.

* * *

Robin winced.

"Are you sure you picked the right 'before-breakfast' story?" he asked.

"Shh," Raven said. "This is pretty interesting." Robin's eyes narrowed.

"Should I be worried that you're interested in me…"

"I'm not," she said.

"Interested in me getting pummeled by three tons of rocks, I mean," he finished.

"Take it however you like. I'd be more worried about changing my costume if I were you, though," she said.

"Shut up."

Starfire waited patiently, and the verbal scuffle subsided.

* * *

Raven stared at the debris.

"Robin? Come on, this isn't funny. Get out."

She chanted briefly and lifted scattered fragments off of the pile, being careful not to dislodge any which might drop on her leader. The passersby had long since fled, and approaching sirens were distant… and Robin was nowhere to be seen.

"Okay, Robin, you win. You've got me kind of worried. If you're fine, come down already," she said to the air, hoping for even a 'ha-ha, got you!'

After all, then she could beat the stuffing out of him.

("Spare me the angst," Raven said. She thought she heard Robin laugh and turned. "What?"

"Oh, nothing," Robin said. "Nothing at all." She gritted her teeth.

"It better be.")

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a movement. One that looked fruity and overly colored.

"Robin!" She controlled herself, though she couldn't stop a stream of anger at being fooled from flowing up. "I told you, you got me. Why would you pull something like that for so long? I…"

He fell. She gasped and ran over to him. He looked bad. The debris had cut deep wounds into his arms and chest, and ripped his costume away. His cape lay tattered on the nearby trash, and his hand clutched his stomach.

("Speaking of which, there's something _wrong_ with that cheese pizza of Beast Boy's," Robin said.

"The secret ingredient is _evil_," Beast Boy said.

"You'll have to teach me that someday," Raven said.)

Raven saw blood seeping from under his hand, and she brushed it away, ripping open his costume. A deep gash slashed across his ribcage, and she closed her eyes and concentrated, placing her hands on the wound and pouring energy into him. She felt his wounds closing, yet he'd already lost a good deal of blood.

He opened his eyes.

"Hi, Raven. Nice weather, isn't it?"

"Shh. You'll be all right. I'm going to take you to the Tower."

* * *

"It took Robin several weeks to recover from that. We still do not know what happened to Cinderblock, but he was definitely destroyed. Then, Robin was injured in…"

"As pleasant as that sounds," Robin said, "I think I heard the oven." Starfire brightened.

"I'll go check!" she said, and sped off, returning in a second with platters of pancakes and syrup.

As soon as they were done eating, and before Starfire could regale them with any more tales of "Robin getting his ass kicked", the future Robin called them into the operations room, where he was still at his computer with Cyborg.

"I've found a match," he said. "Let's see… Hurricane, Cyborg ate tofu, Warp opened a portal, you went up in time?"

"Yeah," Raven said.

"Well, I've got your universe marked down."

"That's a relief," said Robin.

Future Robin nodded. "All right. I'll just open the portal…" He pressed a large red button, and a familiar black portal opened.

* * *

The two denizens of the White Space were watching.

"Clever, clever," said the light. "Should I modify their escape portal?"

"By all means," the black swirl said.

* * *

"…and you can go. Simple as that."

"Great. Thanks for everything. This thing turned out better than I expected," Robin said. "Come on, Raven."

He backed off and took a running start, jumping towards the portal. She followed.

Halfway there, the portal suddenly flashed and crackled.

Future Robin jumped at them, trying to drag them back, but a bolt of black lightning struck him back, and he slipped into unconsciousness as the two traveling Titans fell through the gaping portal and it closed after them.


	5. Earthly Delights

_Chapter Five: Earthly Delights_

* * *

Raven panicked. The portal had flashed; her hopeful visions of returning home, beating up Beast Boy and Cyborg, and stepping on the amoeba-Warp cracked and splintered into pieces. She was a little alarmed, in fact, over her prospects of survival. She looked around, and spotted Robin a little below her. At least one thing would be the same.

She saw an aperture on the left and waved to Robin. He got the message and turned into it; she went in after him.

* * *

"So anyways, Raven, I was thinking…"

"Did it hurt?"

"Ha ha."

"Let me be honest. I don't want to talk to you. I don't want you here. Go away." Raven turned back to her book, but she couldn't have missed the hurt expression on the other girl's face. She shrugged and looked for where she had left off.

* * *

Raven and Robin dropped out of the portal about three hundred yards above the roof of Titans Tower, and fell rapidly. Chanting, Raven drew up black energy beneath them both, and they glided to a halt.

"Thanks," Robin said. Raven nodded and they descended to the roof. As they landed, someone came up to the roof. Her head was in her hands, and she was crying quietly.

Robin noticed that Raven, too, had recognized the newcomer, and stiffened. "Raven, I'll take care of this. Go down and find out when this universe is." She nodded and disappeared through the floor.

"Terra?" he said quietly. She looked up.

"Robin!" she exclaimed, and quickly wiped her eyes and whistled. "Beautiful sky, uh, isn't it?"

"Uh, I'm not the Robin you know," he said. "Sorry. I'm from another universe."

Terra stared at him.

"I'm serious," he said.

Terra opened her mouth and closed it several times. Finally, she said, "Did Beast Boy put you up to this or something?"

"No," Robin said. "Look, we need to find your Robin and that'll prove it. My Raven and I need to find my way home."

A glimmer of amusement showed in Terra's eyes, though they were still red. "My Raven?" she said. Robin blushed.

"Because—we're from the same—"

"It's all right," Terra said, smiling faintly. "Come on."

* * *

Raven appeared next to herself.

"Uh, hi," she said. The other Raven—normal and blue-cloaked this time—didn't even react. "I'm you from another dimension," Raven continued, feeling stupid. She wondered if this was how it felt when she did this to other people.

"Great. Welcome to Titans Tower. Here's the tour brochure." She handed Raven a pamphlet. Raven tossed it down in disgust, and the other girl put down her book.

"You couldn't help me get home, could you?" Raven asked.

"No. Leave me alone."

Raven frowned. "I can see why they think I'm mean and creepy now." She left. The other Raven shrugged and picked up her book again.

* * *

"DNA's a match," Cyborg said. Robin fidgeted. It was always awkward to come face-to-face with yourself. Terra was nervously at his side, too, which didn't make things easier. Terra, after all, had betrayed them and left them; by the end, he didn't know _where_ she was, but her final sacrifice seemed noble enough.

The other Robin sighed. "Well, it's happened before. At least you didn't pop out of my forehead this time."

"I know the feeling," Robin said. "How long has it been since Slade's defeat?"

"Two weeks," the other him said. "Terra here nearly died, but Beast Boy managed to drag her out and Raven blocked up the volcano from outside."

Both Ravens came in. Neither looked very happy to see Terra.

"You," the traveling Raven spat. Terra bit her lip.

"Starfire told me the history of the universe already, and it's pretty much a match, except unluckily, you didn't turn to stone in this one," Raven said.

"Raven," Robin said. She scowled at him but quieted. The other Raven, however, picked up right where she'd left off.

"Don't think I'll ever forgive you for betraying us."

Terra flinched and started rapidly blinking. Beast Boy came in.

"Dude, I'm in the middle of some… experiments," he said. "What's so importa…"

He saw the duplicate Raven and Robin.

"Oh," he said. "Fine, fine, I guess this must be more important. Oh well, tofu salsa will always live on in my dreams."

Raven rolled her eyes. But there was someone else to concentrate on. "Yes, I'm going to keep being _'mean' _to you," Raven said. The other Raven clearly felt much the same. "You're going to have to deal with it. The hard way. The way _I _do, not by running away, scared, into the arms of the enemy."

Terra nodded silently. Raven's anger hadn't abated, but it was, she thought, a good sign that Terra was meekly accepting this.

* * *

"Get me a soda," the black swirl said. "This is getting interesting."

The light grumbled. "This isn't even the right universe."

"Whatever. After this you can send 'em away."

* * *

Terra anxiously ran the mental tally. _Beast Boy understands. Well—he's willing to forgive me. And Starfire. I don't know about Robin. Cyborg, I guess, reserves judgment. And Raven…_

"Look," the foreign Robin was saying. "I've had longer to think about this than you guys. If you'd accept some advice, I'd say that… she deserves a chance. I know, we've—you've given her chances before."

He looked straight at Terra, who squirmed under the gaze. But she felt that he expected her to meet it, and so she did. The domino mask was inscrutable at the best of times, and now, she felt at an utter disadvantage, her eyes bleeding fears, hopes, and secrets. She forced herself to be still.

Finally, he nodded. She wondered whether her eyes had teared up from that inquisition. "She's not going to give up or search for the easy road this time."

"Thanks," she said to him, and meant it. Beast Boy looked at them suspiciously. She rolled her eyes.

Raven scoffed. "People don't change like that," she said. "Once a coward, always a coward. If you've been running away from your problems for sixteen years, you're going to have to run towards them for thirty-two before you get back to where you started. And if you're capable of being a traitor once, you will be again."

Terra was seething with anger. She felt it, full and tumultuous, in her heart, and in fact, in every part of her body, in every part of the Earth around her. She thought something under the Tower might have stirred, in fact. If Raven thought Terra was dangerous, shouldn't she _not_ provoke her? But then again, anyone could have said the same thing… and Terra forced herself, gradually, to realize that Raven's cruelty was almost not even cruelty. It was in a sense the loathing of a kindred spirit. Raven swooped out of the room. Her fellow traveling Robin cast an apologetic glance back at the others.

"Sorry about that," he said. "I better go, guys."

* * *

Raven sat on a sofa, meditating, trying to purge the anger from her, and failing. _Why is it that Terra bothers me so much?_

Robin walked in, and she started to speak, but he forestalled her.

"I don't know how it's done in Azarath," he said, "but first off, these are our hosts. This isn't our universe. It's absolutely inappropriate to take out your frustrations with our Terra out on this one. And I'm surprised that you, of all people, couldn't control yourself."

"Robin, I…"

But his eyes narrowed, and she felt as if they had gotten her into a vise. "Don't do that again. Restrain yourself. That's what you were advising, right? Understood?"

"You don't…"

"You can explain later. That's an order," he said, "not advice."

She swallowed. It felt very tight. "Yes."

The silence in the room was thick. Robin let go of her eyes. "I doubt that these Titans can help us get back to our universe, but I'll just check quickly. In the meantime, you should try to open another portal." He walked out.

"Yeah, Robin," she said after him. Only once he was out of earshot, of course. "Don't listen to me. I didn't want to confide in you or anything."

She sighed and started focusing her energy, trying to think the thoughts she had before to open a portal.

* * *

Robin stalked through the hallways, looking for anything unfamiliar, but not concentrating. Had Raven really deserved that? And what was she about to say? Was…

He bumped into Starfire.

"Oh, Robin! Are the travelers gone yet?" she asked.

"Uh… Star, I am one of those travelers."

"Oh. Well, good luck," she said.

"Do you know some way to open these kinds of portals? We're still not sure how this works, and we've been through three universes now."

"I have no idea," she said. "You said we were in your past, yes?"

"Right," he said. "I guess not." A brief pause. "So… what do you think of Terra?"

She looked thoughtful. "I had the doubts, Robin. But I have never thought that Terra was a bad person. Those who are good but make mistakes can learn their lessons with assistance."

"Raven's always distrusted her," Robin said. "She was right. But I also think she's overstated the case against her. She equates that particular kind of weakness with being a bad person."

"Because," Starfire said, "Raven believes someone who cannot face their weaknesses _is_ a bad person." She paused. "Perhaps I am going too far. But conceivably Raven thinks that… she herself, if she ever let go in the way that Terra has, would not deserve forgiveness." She cocked her head to the side. "I do not know what your Raven has told you about her past. But if she loses control, the resulting situation would be… dire. Still, she is not unfair. I believe Raven, too, will forgive Terra, when she feels she deserves it."

Robin considered this and smiled. "You're right, Starfire. Thanks."

He continued on his way.

* * *

Raven sighed. It wasn't working. "Try and open another portal, Raven," she mimicked. "This is all your fault, Raven. Hmph."

"Sorry," Robin said from the corner. She whirled around to see that he'd apparently appeared from nowhere and was now grinning.

"Batman loved to do that," he said.

"Well, don't start doing it yourself."

"If you insist," he said. "Oh—good job."

She turned and saw a twirling black portal in front of her. "Oh."

"Come on, let's go," he said. She hesitated.

"What if it's dangerous?"

"What else are we going to do? Stick around here for years until they invent the same technology, and then get rerouted anyway?" He jumped in.

"Robi…" He was gone. She closed her eyes. "Whatever," she said, and went in after him.

oooo

They appeared on Titans Tower again. Again, Terra was standing on the roof. This time, though, Beast Boy was there with her, pontificating about the inherent superiority of tofu. Terra looked bored out of her skull.

"Hi," Robin said. They turned.

"Hey, Robin," Terra said, sounding relieved.

"Ah." The awkward part again. "I'm not the Robin you know. I'm from another dimension."

"Sometimes it seems like that to me too," said Beast Boy. Terra smacked him.

"Sorry," she said. Raven glared at her. "What? Why are you looking at me like that? What did I do now? I blame it all on Beast Boy."

"Hey!"

"I don't know. Betray someone else, maybe?"

"What're you talking about?"

Robin sighed loudly. Raven remembered her promise.

"… right. Sorry," she said. "Reflex. In our universe, you kind of… betrayed the Titans. I haven't exactly gotten over it."

"Oh," Terra said. She looked off to the side. "It's okay. Look, you'd better talk to, uh, our Robin."

Terra guided them down to the operations room, where the other Robin was sitting with Cyborg and Raven, watching _Warp Trek V_ and laughing at its absurdity.

("I _like_ that movie," the black swirl said.)

The other Robin turned around when he heard them coming in, and blinked.

"Hi. I'm Robin, I'm from another universe," Robin said.

"Nice to meet you," said the alternate Robin. Cyborg sighed.

"This kind of thing always seems to happen."

"Yeah, every week. I've noticed," Raven said.

"Well, what do you need?" asked the other Robin.

"Is this in the future, relative to Slade's defeat? I mean, did you defeat… oh, hell," Robin said. "What's happened in your universe?"

"Yeah, we defeated Slade. He said Terra worked for him, but she said she gave it up and she and Beast Boy beat him to a pulp. It's been, oh, three years since then."

"You wouldn't happen to have something that can send us back to our own universe?"

"Nope."

Beast Boy popped his head around the corner.

"So… Terra. Want to go out somewhere?"

The Raven from that dimension looked meaningfully at Terra and smiled. Terra smiled back.

"Sure, BB! Where to?"

"I was thinking that you'd show me where that pie place is again, and I could have… that… pie…"

Terra grinned and heaved him out. "We'll see you later, guys."

"You know, this is actually better than how our universe turned out," Robin said. "BB and Terra have a relationship, Raven doesn't hate her…" His Raven glared at him. He forged on. "Lots of bad stuff never happened. It's funny. I kinda wish this was how our universe was, Raven."

They heard commotion outside.

"No! Making it tofu pie would _ruin_ it!"

"But you liked the tofu salsa!"

"What's the point of making the best pie in the history of pie if you're just going to stick nasty ol' _tofu_ all over it?"

The future Robin sighed. "So what are you guys going to do?"

"I think Raven can open us up another random portal, but what's the point, really?" The traveling Robin looked down. "I can't think of anything we can do except keep going around. It doesn't seem likely that with infinite universes we'd always end up in ones with the Titans."

"You'd be surprised," future Robin said. "You know, you could technically stay here, if you like it so much. It might not make sense for you to stay here, but you could go to the Titans East, for example."

The twin Ravens looked at each other. "I don't know if that would be such a good idea," the traveling Raven said.

"We can't leave our friends in our home dimension," Robin added. The future Robin nodded. "Fair enough."

"We'd better go now," Robin said. Raven stood up. "Portal." She waited.

"Portal." She still waited.

* * *

"Open it up," the black swirl said.

"But she didn't say the magic word," the light whined. The swirl whapped him.

* * *

A dark gateway opened in front of them, and after a polite nod, Robin and Raven jumped in. They landed in a devastated Jump City.

Terra was struggling against her suit, it appeared; she groaned as she jerked along the streets and rocks hurled themselves around at random. She saw Robin and Raven and started.

"What…" She gasped. "I thought… I killed you…" She flinched.

Robin ran over, catching her as she collapsed. Raven looked on with disgust.

"Robin," Terra said. He nodded. "I want you to know… that I made a mistake."

"No kidding," Raven said.

"And Raven's right to hate my guts."

"Don't worry, I do."

Terra looked pained. But that might be the suit around her. Robin was searching around, trying to find some way to pull it off her, but it didn't seem like anything was working.

"Raven," she said, "you might know what it's like, too, though. You understand. I think you do. Your powers are the same as mine, disrupted by emotion. He offered me help. He made it so I wouldn't accidentally destroy everything anymore. He gave me his control."

"No," Raven said. "He _took_ your control."

Robin, still wrestling with the suit, spoke up, to her surprise. "Even for a normal human being, control is fragile," he said. "It can be disrupted by anything—drugs, emotional stress, or whatever. But we have a responsibility to get beyond it when we can."

"Our responsibility is even bigger," Raven said, feeling anger well up again and suppressing it. "You had a responsibility and you failed in it."

Terra was silent. "You're right," she said at last. "You're right." It seemed like, to Raven, she had stopped struggling. She was giving in to the suit that was trying to constrict her. Frankly, she wasn't sure that was a bad idea. Then again, life was precious… Raven wasn't sure about any of it. Perhaps that was a good thing.

This place, however, was horrid. "We need to leave," Raven said.

Robin looked at her with frustration. "This suit is killing her. Can't you take it off her, Raven?"

She probed it with her soul self. "It's too late," she said. "You could say it's like a parasite, sucking her life force to produce a kind of negative feedback system, keeping her stable but draining her."

Robin winced. Terra's hand touched Robin's arm. "It's okay," she said quietly. "Go."

"Portal, please," Raven said.

* * *

"There," the swirl said. "Now open it up."

"But will she say 'thank you,' too—ow!"

* * *

Robin looked up from Terra, and took a deep breath, nodding. The familiar dimensional door opened, and he lay the former Titan down.

"What a depressing universe," Robin said. They jumped through.

* * *

Again, Terra was sitting on top of Titans Tower.

"I got him killed… I got him killed…" she repeated to herself over and over.

Raven rolled her eyes. "Another one of these." Robin shot a dark glance at her.

"You're awfully callous about it."

She shrugged and started to walk into the Tower, but Robin blocked her path. "Why can't you get over Terra? I've been a criminal, attacked the team, and worked for Slade before."

Raven sighed. "Robin, I know. I—can we talk about this later?"

He hesitated, but, seeing something raw in her eyes, nodded. "All right." He turned away. "Terra?"

She turned and looked at him. "H-hello, Robin."

"Hi… I'm from an alternate universe," he said.

"That's a t-terrible segue," she said, smiling a little.

"Well, what do you suggest?"

* * *

Starfire hovered up onto the roof, wishing to undertake some meditation. Perhaps Raven would be there. To her surprise, others were there as well. Terra was speaking to Robin and Raven.

Terra was saying, "'Hail, I bring greetings from another world. Murglumpuk'zar glorbynarb!' How's that sound?"

Starfire gasped. The others turned around and saw her.

"That is extremely bad language! You should be ashamed of yourself, Terra! One does not call another person such things in public!"

"Huh?"

Starfire walked off in a huff.

* * *

Terra looked a little stricken, but recovered. "So, you say you're from another dimension."

"Yeah. Care to fill us in on this one's history?" Robin said.

"Not really…" she said, closing her eyes again. "Recent history, I guess you want?"

"Yeah."

"Well… three weeks ago… w-we…" She sniffled. "We were fighting Slade in his lair. He fused my suit with my body and I couldn't control myself, so I attacked Beast Boy. He didn't fight back… he said he knew I wouldn't hurt him."

Robin winced. Raven swallowed back her instinctual dark, mocking chuckle. Terra caught the expression on her face and frowned.

"I didn't do it," she said. "Slade came and knocked him into the v-volcano… and he tried to make me kill everyone else, but we blasted him in the lava, too... Raven and I sealed the lair and… and now here we are."

She opened her eyes.

"They all hate me now," she said quietly. "I guess I do too."

* * *

Robin and Raven walked down to the operations center. The Tower was silent, and every step they took echoed. Inside, another Robin lay curled up on the sofa. Cyborg sat across from him, his head in his hands. Robin cleared his throat, and they looked up.

"Titans! Tro…" the other Robin started. Raven smirked at Robin.

He rolled his eyes and used his standard introduction. "Hi, I'm from an alternate universe."

The other Robin blinked. "Right. Sure. It's not a very good time for visitors, I'm afraid…"

"I'm sorry about your loss," Robin said. "But still, could you help us out?"

His alternate sighed. "What can we do for you?"

"Do you know how to aim a dimensional portal?"

The alternate Robin looked at Cyborg.

"Never heard of one in my life," Cyborg said.

"That doesn't surprise me," Robin said, sighing. "Oh well… then is it all right with you if we stay here for a little bit? We'll leave by tomorrow."

"All right," Cyborg said. "I'll get a room ready for you guys."

"Thanks," said the traveling Robin.

* * *

"All right, Raven. Why are you still mad at her?"

She blew out a lungful of air. Robin was sitting across from her, and they were alone.

"Well," she said, "I didn't like her at first. You know that. I thought she was dangerous, and she lacked control—the one thing I _know _you need to have with powers. But I thought she was essentially a good person. I gave her a hard time, but eventually I thought she would put in the effort. When she came back, with her powers under control, I was suspicious. We both were. I thought something was wrong, and I insisted on trying to teach her control, but everything turned out right at first, and it started to seem like there was something wrong with _me_."

She looked away from him. "It seemed like I was jealous of her because she had controlled her powers without having to do what I do. I realized that. I knew it seemed like I was being cruel and petty because of that. And when she saved the Tower with me, I figured that I _had_ done that."

She was talking to her hands now. "I felt," she said, "terrible. I felt that I'd maligned someone, someone who you all, especially Beast Boy, liked, out of jealousy. And that I'd tried to teach her control when she should be teaching _me_ however it was she'd managed it. That it was—the demon inside me. You know what I mean."

Robin's expression was unusually calm and sympathetic. Raven felt that her voice sounded distant and thin. "But then she did it. Betrayed us. _Slade_ taught her control and not me. All the time we spent with her meant absolutely nothing to her. I hadn't been horrible—and I felt so relieved—and then I realized what I was feeling relieved about, and felt worse than ever. And as for her… you know I didn't trust her readily, but I'd told myself I was wrong. But now I was wrong again—I'd thought I'd known her now, but I didn't. I didn't know anything about her after all."

Raven bit her lip. "But apparently she was right about me. She knew my weak points and I didn't know hers. She got me enraged, furious, and then _I_ lost control, and she didn't. She beat me. Because she knew about me… because I trusted her, again."

"And then, she comes back and we fight her all together, and when she loses, she goes crying back to Slade and only when he hurts _her_—not when she thought she killed all of us—does she realize it. A couple of hits from him and she goes crying home to Beast Boy. She was 'redeemed' when _she _wasn't happy anymore. She was fine with killing me, hurting me, or worse… making me into the thing she knew I feared worst. I couldn't possibly feel sorry for her."

She fell silent. Robin put his arm around her, and she felt just drained enough to allow him to do so, and even to settle into it, warm and strong—though of course, never enough to let her emotional guard down. Anything could escape.

"I see," he said. "I don't blame you. But at the same time, you know that you spent your childhood practicing how to control yourself. She spent that time as a well-meaning kid who found herself accidentally hurting the things she loved. She did try. She didn't try as hard as you, but you had help, too. So maybe, you can forget about that, sand see her as a way to give back that help."

She looked at him. His eyes were closer than she'd ever seen them; covered by a mask, they might have seemed forbidding, but they didn't. They were intense, exhorting. But every detail of his body showed that he cared. "After that," he was saying, "you might be able to look back on Terra as a friend."

"I doubt it," she said, eyes on her own hands.

"Just try," he said.

She nodded. "I will."

He hopped to his feet, letting go of her shoulders. "By the way, I'm getting hungry. Shall we go eat?"

"Nice segue," she said. "Sure. Let's eat." They walked out.

* * *

Robin and Raven were dining with the other Titans. Their utensils scraped against the plates, and the only sound was their clinking. Robin cleared his throat.

"I was thinking..."

"Stop the presses," Raven said.

"Look, guys," Robin said, ignoring her. "Beast Boy wouldn't want you to mope around. He would want you to go on with your lives, right?"

"They say that all the time. It's not that easy," Cyborg said.

"You've got to try. Try and put it behind you."

Raven looked down. Robin was looking straight at her.

"It's hard, I know, but you've got to keep trying. Beast Boy believed in the Titans. He trusted you to be there in life; you can be there for him now by honoring his memory. And I have the perfect way to do that."

Robin popped open a compartment on his utility belt and took out a small bucket. Cyborg stared.

"Man, how can you _possibly_ fit so much into so little? Even given a maximum compression ration like _e_, you've still got density off the charts. If I could make something so compact and yet effective, I'd give an arm and a leg. Mostly because I could make another one. But how do you do it?"

"Good packing," Robin said. Raven coughed, and he blushed.

"Anyway…" He popped open the bucket. Inside was white cream.

"Beast Boy's ultimate dream… tofu salsa," he said. "I swiped some from the last universe."

The other Titans nodded.

"To his memory, then," said the other Robin. He picked up a chip, closed his eyes, dipped it inside the white concoction, hesitated, and threw it in his mouth.

Raven almost vomited.

The other Robin opened his eyes.

"This is amazing," he said.

Raven excused herself.

* * *

Terra watched from the corner, feeling as glum as ever. The empty words echoed through her head: it's all my fault. They were hollow but rang like a bell with truth. What was not her fault, at this point?

"The future isn't, yet," Raven said. Terra noted her voice wavered, as if she'd just seen something no one ever should.

"How did you know what I was thinking?"

"Your emotions and your general attitude were pretty obvious tipoffs," Raven said. "Make the future better, Terra. It'll hurt, but it's worth it."

Terra nodded. She glanced at the other Titans. How could she stay with the echoing gap of Beast Boy here? How could she _make the future better_ like this? If only she could go, too. If only…

Before she could think about it, the words popped out of her mouth. "Can I… can I come with you? I—I don't have anything here, and I could help you out. With threats." Then, she slowly added, "But I really… I really need _your_ help."

Raven sat up straight. Terra's heart sank, but the dark Titan didn't say anything. She waited, heart pounding at her audacity.

Raven nodded. "Okay," she said, and went out.

* * *

"Hmm," Robin said. "It might be strange, having someone from an alternate dimension. Just… replacing her like that."

"Yes," Raven said, "but they won't want her here as a reminder. And she doesn't want them here. I think this would be best for everyone."

"I see," he said. "And I'm glad that you're working on getting over it. It's a good idea. Let's take her."

"I appreciate the advice," she said. "Shall we go, then?"

"Sure."

* * *

Three hours later, the seven Titans stood outside on the roof, together.

"Thanks, Robin," said the Robin from this universe. "Goodbye. Maybe we'll meet again someday, Terra."

She shook her head. "If we don't… thank you all. And I'm sorry." She hugged all of the Titans. Robin and Raven watched from a distance. Finally, the small girl came over to them.

"Let's go," she said. Raven raised her arms and the sky suddenly darkened. She recited:

"_Portal dark and ever-moving, give me power of a sort behooving; travel we along the cosmos; open, Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos!"_

Robin gaped at her, and a hint of a smile crossed her face as a portal opened.


	6. Intermezzo

_Chapter Six: Intermezzo_

* * *

"_What_ was that?" Robin asked.

"An incantation to open the portal," Raven replied.

"Uh-huh," Robin said, an eyebrow raised. "I thought your poetry was… better."

"Don't be jealous," she said.

Raven was again in the void of dimensional travel with Robin… and now, Terra. She decided it was a good time to run through her mental checklist.

_People to punish harshly: Warp, Cyborg, Beast Boy, Robin, Azar, Trigon, Robin again, Starfire, sanity, tofu, Robin again—future Robin, whoever is throwing us through these dimensions, Terra, Terra again, myself, the concept salsa, Robin, and Slade. I may want to start keeping a log or something, or I'll forget everything. _

Up ahead, Raven saw they were approaching a bright light. "Guys," she mouthed. "Take that exit."

"We don't seem able to avoid it," Robin said.

"Why can't you be more like Terra? She hasn't said a single thing to annoy me."

"She hasn't said anything at all since we got in here." Raven sensed that Robin wasn't displeased with this, though. Probably since it showed that Raven was making an effort to forgive Terra.

"Do you guys always argue this much?" asked the blonde.

They fell through… to a vacuum.

Everywhere, they were surrounded by blank, pure, white. Robin was the only source of color she could see. _A lot of color, at that._

"I don't think we're in Jump City anymore," she said. Her voice echoed throughout.

"I think there's something over there." Terra pointed off at the horizon, and focusing, Raven indeed saw a small yellow glow. They walked over to it, and found that the yellow glow was standing in front of a pedestal. A clear fishbowl with some gold lettering on it and containing a small, yellow, leechlike fish sat on the pedestal.

Robin coughed lightly, and the light whirled; somehow, the fishbowl was knocked off and shattered. It picked up the small, yellow fish; the fish was sucked into the light.

"Damn," it said, and flashed red. The bowl waved erratically and then reappeared on the pedestal.

"You wouldn't happen to have a cup of tea on you?" the light asked.

Raven raised an eyebrow. The light diminished.

"Yes, of course not. Stupid synthesizers never give me anything but soda, you see. Look, let's get to the point. I know about your dimensional travels."

Raven rolled her eyes. "And let me guess. You can't send us back _unless_ we do something for you, something ridiculously easy that you should be able to do better than us."

"Uh… well, right," the light said. "I'm incorporeal, you see, so I can't get what I need easily. I can only open dimensional portals."

"What _are_ you?" Robin asked.

The light gave off a flourish. "I am a deity, an all-powerful regulator of the light and darkness, an attuned link in the chain of creation, a master of matter and energy, the alpha and omega of time, space, and the multi-verse, a…"

A far-off yell echoed.

"Didn't I tell you to get me a soda? I can't find them anywhere, and I need to watch the Titans!"

"Right away, right away," the twinkle mumbled. "I may not be _all_ that, but I do have a way out of here for you. I can redirect your portal to lead back to your home universe, but I want some tea."

The complete silence in the white space was unnerving.

"Seriously?" Raven said. "If you're so all-powerful, just make yourself your own tea. Even _I _make my own tea."

"You don't know how difficult it is to get tea around here," the light muttered. "Especially with my overbearing no-good bastard of an employer. He can destroy me at will, so I obey him. But with a good cup of tea, well… at least I'd die happy."

Terra blinked, hard, and burst into laughter. The light sighed. "I get that a lot."

"Can't say I'm surprised," Robin said. "You're willing to die for tea."

"And what's wrong with that?"

"Uh, never mind. All right, we'll see about bringing some tea with us."

"Good. Also, I might be able to destroy the swirl if you…"

"That's it! Don't make me get the Rehabilitator!"

The light paled and a black portal draped itself over the three Titans. "Sorry," it murmured as they disappeared.

* * *

For every universe, there is an opposite. For the White Space, there is the Void, an expanse of utter blackness, without sound, sight, feeling, or, uh… smell or taste. Or balance.

At any rate, Killer Moth was unhappy to be here. One minute he had been standing in front of Jump City's jail, cuffed by police, the next an odd figure came, there was a bright flash, and he was here. It was exceedingly odd. Whatever was going on, he was now stuck in a vast sea of darkness.

But they didn't call him Killer Moth for nothing. "Mostly for the costume, though," he admitted to himself, as he felt around for his Zippo lighter and walked around aimlessly. It looked as if he was in for a long wait… for something.

"Oh, hell," he said.

* * *

The light approached the black swirl, lounging in a lone sofa standing in the middle of the White Space. A few feet away lay the viewscreen.

"I think," the black swirl said, "it is about time that you begin the second part."

"Here's your _soda_," the light grumbled. A door opened and a can fell through.

"Yes, well, bring Warp back here again."

_Flash_. A small dot appeared and expanded into the irate time traveler.

"You again. I should have known."

"Indeed you should," the swirl said. "Your idiotic, yet useful, presence is required again."

"I'm sure," Warp said. "Nevertheless, I insist that you let me back out again."

"I'd prefer not to, actually."

Warp's suit powered up. "In that case…" he said. The black swirl rotated.

"There's no need for violence," it said. "It was lucky after all that you got stuck in here before. I have new targets that are far more interesting than the others, and I'm watching them closely."

"Your point being? Why am I here?"

"You'd better be grateful that you're not an _amoeba _any longer," the swirl said. "And be even more grateful I don't kill you where you stand."

"I'm sitting, actually," Warp said.

"Shush. I would appreciate your testimonial for the events which are to come."

"What do you mean by that?"

"A large congregation of Titans will be coming here soon," the black swirl said.

"I plan to give them an offer they can't refuse… and your assistance will be invaluable. In return, I will let you out of the White Space… alive."

"I am Warp!" the time traveler said, outraged.

"Really now?" the swirl muttered.

"You can't order me about and threaten me!"

"It seems to have worked so far," the swirl said. "I can shut down your technology with a wave of my, uh, tendril." He waved his tendril and Warp suddenly felt himself relapsing into amoeba-form without the time suspender.

"…maybe you _can _order me about and threaten me," he said as he shrunk. "You win. Restore me and I'll do as you ask."

"Mmm, _ex_cellent," the swirl said in its best Mr. Burns voice. 


	7. Other End of the Spectrum

_Chapter Seven: Other End of the Spectrum_

Note: Not really edited—may change. Don't have the desire to edit this a lot right now; working on the 100 Ways sequel. I may post the rest of this without many edits.

_

* * *

November 24, 2004_

_Rough landing from the portal this time. Since I last wrote, we've met the entity who's been moving us through universes, but in a violation of the Villain Exposition rule, his boss wanted a soda, so he sent us somewhere else. _

_That somewhere else is here, apparently. And it isn't much fun, yet we can't open up a portal and escape. I don't know why._

* * *

Inside the White Space, the black swirl cuffed the light.

"_My_ remote. Get off of it!"

"Not until I get _my _tea!"

Warp watched, amused, and slowly charging his blasters.

_

* * *

We all landed on the sidewalk, except Terra, who landed on gravel. I healed up the injuries. We went to the Tower. It was immediately clear that Cyborg's sense of décor was a little different. The Tower was painted red, and the water around it was covered in flames. Red lights lined the pathway. It had a real 'we're trying desperately to look like harbingers of doom' look about it._

_ We were met at the door by Starfire._

_ "Hello, compatriots! You have returned! Where are your trophies?" She still had her normal… if not screechier… voice, but not the expression, which was strange and twisted. _

_ "Uh... we're from an alternate universe," Robin said. He still sucks at that._

_ "Then you will die!" Starfire exclaimed it without much indication of evil intent. At first I thought it was a joke, but no, apparently she was just inept._

_ "You will… um… suffer general unkindness and meanness… and nefariousness… I am Starfire, Prophet of Doom and Zebnek Dinner—oops. Robin has told me not to say that second part. Um… I bring… uncomfortable discomfort to your…"_

_ I flung her about a mile away, making sure to knock her out. Cyborg and Beast Boy appeared from the other room, and saw this._

_ "She's not exactly cut out for evil," Beast Boy said. Beast Boy was, uh, sneering. I never want to see that again. I might actually laugh._

_ "What're you looking at?" he asked. It reminded me of the time he was infected by those chemicals._

_ "Unfortunately, you," I said. "If you don't want to be thrown out like her…"_

_ "Our Raven is so much better than you." With that, Beast Boy snarled and turned into a puma of some kind, leaping at me. I conjured up a quick shield and he crashed into it. _

_ "Game over, BB," Robin said. "Titans!" I rolled my eyes. He didn't notice. "Go!"_

_ We went. Terra slammed in a rock through the wall, swiping at Beast Boy and Cyborg. I hovered up and signaled Terra; we used both our powers to hurl a boulder at them at the speed of sound. It knocked them down. Cyborg fired his arm cannon. Sonic blasts came ricocheting off anything they could. _

_ It made it too easy to find Cyborg, really. I collapsed a sofa on top of him, and the sonic blasts ceased. Then, Beast Boy leapt out from behind me and hit me, hard. Terra hesitated, and I knew that she was reluctant to hurt even this Beast Boy, after what had happened. I still couldn't help feeling a little outraged. Luckily, Robin was there too, and he warded Beast Boy away from me. BB transformed into a minotaur or something and dragged Cyborg out with him._

_ So here we are in another Titans Tower, but it looks very off. Everything's arranged backwards, and there are so many gadgets of mass destruction. In related news, I haven't seen Robin since he disappeared into the rooms with those gadgets. _

_ Terra and I are going to make dinner, now._

* * *

"Yo, Raven!"

"This had better be important."

"Cyborg's lost the Tower."

"That was _you_, slimeball!"

"_What?"_

"Some other Robin, Raven, and Terra came and hit us around."

"Why do I even keep you around? I'll send over Robin and Terra, but my mission here is of paramount importance. I'll be back soon."

"Yeah, whatever. What're you doin', buying a new cape or something? Paramount importance my a..."

A red tendril of energy wrapped itself around Beast Boy's neck.

"Beast Boy, step carefully. You don't know the power of the dark side… and I know you have no wish to get acquainted with it _now_."

"Y…yeah… sorry…"

He was released.

"Good. Go."

* * *

Raven and Terra were struggling in the kitchen. Raven's ravioli was turning a sickly white shade resembling lacteous garlic. Terra's ground beef was looking like Beast Boy had made it—entirely out of tofu.

"I hope Robin likes tofu," Terra said. "Doesn't look like there'll be anything else."

"I've got some tapioca ravioli, too," Raven said. "Nutritious."

Terra laughed. "Maybe we should just get some pizza?"

"Yeah, why not." Raven picked up the phone and called…

* * *

"Yo, BB."

"What _now_, Cy?"

"I got a transmission coming from the Tower… for a pizza."

They exchanged wicked grins.

"What're we waitin' for? Get Robin and let's go."

* * *

Raven sat down. "All right. They'll be here in a couple minutes."

"So Raven," Terra said. "I've been meaning to ask you… why did you let me come along?"

"Because I couldn't tolerate another day with just Robin."

"No, really."

Raven sighed. "Don't think I'm not watching you closely. If you do anything wrong, I think I'm prepared—and Robin definitely is. Still, I think maybe Robin had a point. He told me I was being stubborn, closed-minded, and all that, and it's true, mostly. So I'm working on that. Happy?"

"Basically," said the blonde. A pause. "Thanks for being honest."

"I don't suppose you'd know too much about that," she mumbled.

"Sorry?" Terra said, eyebrow raised.

"Nothing." Raven got a little kick out of that. _I have to allow myself the occasional luxury._

"Okaaaaay," Terra said, frowning. "I'll go check on Robin."

* * *

"Come in."

"Hey Robin!"

"Hi, Terra."

"Whatcha doing?"

"Just working on this little gadget here. It's like a super-smoke bomb. This nitrogen compound is volatile and will explode, causing a reaction with this gas that'll knock a regular human out for at least fifteen seconds. They won't even know it."

"Umm… okay." Terra's eyebrow was raised again.

"Sorry. I get carried away with my work sometimes."

"We're getting some pizza for dinner. Cooking didn't, uh, pan out."

"Very funny."

"The pun wasn't intended. I'll tell you when it gets here."

"All right, thanks."

* * *

As Terra was going down the stairs, she heard the doorbell.

"Oh. It's here already!" she shouted back to Robin. She opened up the door, and Raven joined her.

"Your pizza," said the delivery man.

"Thanks. Um, we do have a Titans account, right? Charge it to that?"

Beast Boy popped out from the side, outraged.

"_What?_ Steal our house_ and_ charge our credit car… whoops.."

The delivery guy looked at him scathingly and deactivated the hologram disguise. Cyborg's mechanical frame popped out.

"Way to blow your cover, BB." He grinned and lit a cigar.

"We're back!" He plucked a newborn kitten out of his pocket, dunked it into a bucket of water, drowning it, and then tossed it to the bloodhounds at his side.

"Wow. The epitome of evil, personified," Raven said. "You just _know_ this guy is evil."

Beast Boy smirked. "The only evil here is that we haven't gone on a date."

"That line is _so_ old. Even Red X…" Raven started.

"That was only once!" Robin dropped down the stairs in time to hear the last comment.

"Not you—never mind," Raven said. She noticed an odd whine in the background, and considered asking whether the alternates had left the engine running.

"Look," Robin said. "I don't do that anymore. It was just one night! I had to do it! I'd been waiting too long for Slade. I just couldn't handle waiting anymore, so I did it. I was obsessed with him, I had to find some way to get a release."

* * *

Cyborg charged his sonic cannon to maximum overload while they discussed Robin's odd habits.

"…I couldn't handle waiting anymore, so I did it. I was obsessed with him, I had to find some way to get a release," Robin was saying.

"If you do it too much, you'll go blind," Cyborg said.

"We must be talking about disturbingly different things," Robin grumbled.

"I'm not going to think about that subtext," Raven said.

"Come again?" Beast Boy said, a devious grin on his face.

Silence.

Raven had an urge to say "eww," but resisted. "Well, I hope small talk about Robin's nightly habits isn't what you're here for."

"Nope!" Cyborg sneered and let the energy blast go, hitting Raven at full force and knocking her back into Robin, into the table, into the back wall.

"_Booyah!_"

* * *

"Owie, ow, ouch," Raven muttered.

"What happened to 'Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos'?" Robin asked. She hit him lightly. "Ow."

"What happened to 'Titans! Move it'?"

"Okay, okay, you got me," Robin said. "Can you get off?"

She did so hurriedly, and saw Terra being overwhelmed, ducking back behind rocks flying frantically around. Raven chanted and a field of black energy shimmered. The battleground cleared, and Terra ran back towards her.

Robin stood up behind her, and the three Titans approached the door again. Beast Boy was charging at them as an elephant. They jumped out of the way; Robin pulled out a net from his utility belt and tried to drag him backwards. Raven added her powers to his strength and they slowly dragged him back.

Cyborg was dodging more rock storms as Terra hovered around on her rock; he couldn't get a clear aim on the geomancer. Then, a grappling hook lodged on the rock and Robin flew in, knocking Terra off the rock and down. All the rocks in the nearby area precariously jolted.

"Looks like you're off your rocker," the alternate Robin said.

"That's an English saying. You're not English," Raven said. "And anyway, that means 'crazy', not anything like 'got knocked off of a rock'."

About then, she realized the alternate Robin had gotten enough to kick her in the stomach, and she doubled over.

"That was unnecessary," she managed. Her Robin dashed at the alternate to stave off further attacks, and they dueled outside her vision, though she heard the bo staves clanging against each other.

Terra had gotten up and was raising rocks in front of her, trying to deflect Beast Boy's mad attacks, yet he was quickly pushing her back. Cyborg was helping, cornering her slowly.

"Raven, I could use some help," Terra said. Raven painfully got up and concentrated, lobbing Cyborg out the window before he had a chance to react.

Beast Boy snarled and jumped at her, knocking her over again. She was getting rather tired of that. Terra flung the nearby debris at him, and together they buried him under a pile of it.

"Well…"

There was an explosion, and suddenly both Robins were knocked onto the debris pile. Scuffling ensued, until they both twisted out of the pile.

"Which one is which?" Terra whispered to Raven.

"Terra, Raven! Titans, blast him!" one of them yelled.

"Don't let him trick you!"

Raven sighed and blasted the one on the left. "Nice try, but the real Robin and I have a bond," she said to the unmoving Robin.

"Lock 'em in the basement," her Robin said, putting his bo staff away. "Come on, let's go. There's some perfectly good pizzas waiting for us."

_

* * *

November 25, 2004_

_It's around noon right now. Today's Thanksgiving, and Robin and I are still stuck in the middle of nowhere._

_This is the seventh universe we've been through, if you don't count the white space, and we still have no clue how to get back. Apparently, I am not even the source of the portal power. I assume the yellow light we saw is what's really opening these portals, and that he and his employer are watching us at every turn. That's why I'm writing—I'm guess it's safer that speaking…_

"Whatcha doin, Raven?" Terra stood in front of her. Raven slammed the book shut and heard the pen crack.

"Nothing."

Terra backed away slowly. "I'll… go get some… tofu salsa from the fridge."

"Good," Raven said. Suddenly she heard a piercing yell… was that… Robin? She teleported down to the first floor.

The alternate Raven was standing there, an infuriated glare on her face. She was dressed in a deep, fiery… or really, tomato-ish… red cape, and her four eyes glowed brightly. Both Robins stood in her shadow, and her hand was extended at them. Red energy swirled around him and they were screaming in pain.

Raven had never heard Robin do anything of the sort before. It was almost harmonic. She was almost amused, but also almost terrified.

"You inept fool!" said the red Raven, stopping her assault briefly. "I go away to acquire groceries and you lose my Tower!"

"Sorry, Raven," the older, alternate Robin said, flinching.

"No… excuses." She closed her eyes and Raven saw the other Robin's eyes widen. He dissolved in a flash of red.

Raven closed her eyes and chanted "Azara…"

The other Raven spun and lifted her other hand, and she felt herself sucked into a world of pain.

"Azarath…" she managed. "Metrion… _Zinthos!"_

The other Raven was blasted back ten feet. Raven had a premonition of doom as the other Raven landed. Red energy engulfed the tower as her emotions went wild. Raven felt herself being swept up.

"Trigon won, huh?"

"_No,_" the red Raven said. "_I _won." She laughed, and unsurprisingly, office buildings across the river exploded. She didn't seem to care in the least.

"Out of my Tower," she said.

"Off of my friend!" Terra came from behind, and the red Raven was enclosed in a giant hill of earth.

"And I thought only Robin was allowed to say things like that," Raven mumbled.

Red flashes of energy came from inside Terra's earthen prison, but the tornado outside faded, and Robin and Raven felt themselves falling… onto soft cushions of earth that Terra raised. They felt odd vibrations, though, and saw an earthquake far off.

"Uh, sorry," Terra said. "I… still don't have full control over my powers."

"Better that than the alternative," Raven said. Another rumble came from the hill of ground that the red Raven was buried in. Terra strained to keep her in.

"Blastoff time," Robin said, mugging for the camera.

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?" Raven asked.

"Just hurry up."

"Ah. Portal?" she tried. Nothing happened.

"You've delayed a bit too long," a cold, outraged voice said. Red Raven had blasted out of the earth prison.

"Whoa! Say, um… what did you mean when you said that you won against Trigon?" Raven asked. _Stall… stall… stall…_

"That's irrelevant."

"Villains Exposition Rule," Raven said.

"Whose what?" Terra asked.

"Villains must always recite evil plans or similar long-winded tales at great length to the hero before killing him or her in a gruesome, completely inefficient manner."

"Fine, fine," said the red Raven. "We were fighting Trigon, and Starfire had decided to go down to make some Tamaranean holy water."

Robin and Raven looked at each other. "Then how…"

"Don't interrupt. Beast Boy was going to go down with her but then she said she didn't need help."

"Oh, that's the difference," Robin said. Red Raven glowered at him and he desisted.

* * *

The _Margthlorp _had had no effect whatsoever on Trigon. Starfire looked vaguely disappointed. The Titans continued attacking Trigon, but couldn't hold him off. As Robin jumped at the demon with freeze disks, he was hit by his eyebeams.

"Robin!" Starfire yelled, and flew over to him. He slumped, unconscious. Or so Raven hoped.

Cyborg and Beast Boy did a dual attack on the rampaging Trigon, but he swatted them out of the air and threw them through three floors. Raven felt a surge of anger and her vision flashed, but she forced it down. Finally, Trigon stomped after Starfire, who was throwing starbolts frantically at the impervious demon.

"Uh-oh," she had time to say, before he threw her out the window.

They were on the sixth floor, Raven knew, but Starfire could fly, right? No harm done.

_Thud_.

Not while she was unconscious, apparently. Raven dashed to the window and saw an unmoving Starfire in a crater. The demon behind her grinned and picked her up, too, throwing her into the corner of the room.

"Big mistake, Dad," she said, seething. _Control… control…_

Trigon reared back and kicked the unconscious Robin out the window, as well. _Unconscious! But that means…_

She felt his fist impact her in the stomach, and collapsed against the other wall, when she heard the other thud of Robin hitting the pavement.

Her vision flashed red, and she was aware only of a sensation of rushing, burning hate, like sand flying towards her. When it cleared, Trigon was felled, prone and unmoving on the ground. The Tower had been obliterated down to its frame.

She didn't care anymore. She looked out the window. Robin and Starfire… gone.

* * *

"That's funny, since you just killed the other me," Robin said.

"Don't interrupt me," said the red Raven. "For your information, I created cloning cylinders and cloned you and Starfire."

* * *

What, exactly, was the point?

That was how Cyborg and Beast Boy found her, laughing in the middle of a wrecked battlefield.

_No more constraints of emotion. Trigon's gone, but even if he wasn't… what would I care? _With a single mental flourish, she tapped into the two other Titans' minds and subtly altered them for evil.

oooo

"There you have it," red Raven said. "Driven by my friends' destruction to a path of evil and treachery, or whatever you want to call it… hap… wait a second!"

Where the three dimension-hopping Titans had been, there was only a shoddy sign with '_sucker_' carved on it.

* * *

Warp blasted both the swirl and the light, hoping to vaporize them in one fell swoop. Neither seemed overtly affected, but they both dropped the remote and turned towards him. He decided to make the best of it, and looked at the viewscreen.

"Now that you've stopped fighting, you might notice that they want to get out of that universe," Warp said.

"Ah, of course," the black swirl said. Swiftly, he dove for the remote and it disappeared. The light looked down glumly.

"Fine," he said, and channeled energy out.

* * *

Raven, Robin and Terra were running for their lives through Jump City's never-ending streets.

"Do you think we can take down the other Raven?" Robin asked.

"Not from what I saw," Raven said. "We'd need a full team to even try."

"Right, then…"

The red Raven appeared in front of the three fleeing Titans.

"Oh. Well, damn it," Robin said. Raven shot a vaguely amused look in his direction. That was until the red Raven raised her hands and everything within a hundred yards that wasn't nailed down or on fire came hurtling at them.

Raven pushed back, but her limits were showing; the debris pile moved inexorably towards them. Robin grabbed his utility belt and threw down a smoke grenade.

* * *

Red Raven barely noticed being knocked out for a grand total of fifteen seconds. Still, there was a sudden jolt and she assumed that the blonde nuisance had just whirled a rock at her. She shrugged it off and continued concentrating on battering the Titans in the smoke cloud.

But she couldn't find them. She reached out with red energy, permeating the area around her, yet nothing came and nothing resisted. A certain area was invisible to her energy, and she quickly blasted the lingering smoke away.

A black portal glimmered in front of her. Seething, she approached it, examining it.

"Clever," she said. "Very clever." Without hesitation, she jumped in.

* * *

"Really now," the black swirl said. "Tenacity is all and well, but… divert her away."

"Where to?" the light asked.

"Just back to her home universe, before she gets to some universe and takes an exit…"

"Too late," said red Raven's cold voice from next to him. The black swirl spun.

"How nice of you to join us."

Warp stood up from the sofa.

"Charmed," he said.

"I'm _not_," said the red Raven. "No one escapes me."

"Oh, shush. Again, this is not part of my plan, but why shouldn't I adapt?"

The red Raven's power crackled around her, but Warp and the sofa were the only things affected. Warp activated a switch on his suit and a shield protected him quickly from the onslaught.

"You're not bothering us," the black swirl said. "The light can either send you to a universe filled with pain…"

"Hah! I don't do fear," Raven said.

On the viewscreen, four figures in odd suits popped up.

"_Yes_, Tinky-Winky!" said the green one.

Raven screamed.

"No! Don't do it! I beg you, don't send me there!"

The viewscreen shut off.

"I would _never _do something so cruel," the black swirl said.

"So… happy…" Raven was frowning slightly. "I…" She stopped.

"What do you want?" she asked. Her voice was back to normal.

"I think this arrangement can be profitable to us both," the black swirl said.

The light interjected. "You don't have any tea, do…"

"Shut up. Anyway, Raven, my proposal is this… you will assist me with the managerial aspects of the events to come, and I will reward you richly."

"The only reward I want …" she stopped. "I want to go back to my universe. I… also want to be able to travel through time like him." She motioned to Warp.

"How did you know I can do that?" Warp asked.

"I killed you in my universe."

"I see," Warp said, discomfited. He put his blasters and armguards on standby… just in case.

"Unfortunately, the act of murder also destroyed your equipment… your… vortex modulator, or whatever," red Raven said to Warp.

"Quite correct," Warp said. "If the swirl here can synthesize one, then I suppose I have no choice but to go along."

"Not synthesize, my dear Warp. Light, show them."

The light opened a portal and another Warp fell through. The black swirl surrounded him and the sound of lightning roared throughout the White Space. When the swirl released itself, the other Warp was reduced to a pile of ashes, but the modulator lay untouched in the middle.

"There. You can, I trust, create your own suit. It requires nothing special."

"Very well," said the red Raven, picking up the modulator. "Then I'll help with what you require. Afterwards, you'll send me back. Agreed?"

"Agreed," the black swirl said. "Come, then. There's much to be done."


	8. E flat

_Chapter Eight: E Flat_

Note: This is not a songfic. Bear in mind this was written before Season 4. And by a 14-year-old.

* * *

Raven, Robin and Terra were back again inside the twisting passages of dimensional travel. "I suppose we'll drop out sooner or later," Robin said.

"It's been an hour," Raven said.

"The swirl must be busy," Terra said. "Patience is a virtue."

Before Raven could point out that she above all others knew this, she fell through an opening and found herself again inside the Tower, looking once more as she was used to it looking, with magazines, eating utensils, and hapless cushions scattered about. The windows were open and daylight streamed in. Someone knocked at the door.

Raven went to open it. She found herself staring at Jinx.

"Hi, Raven!" said the pink-haired girl. "Where's Cy…"

Raven gave a long-suffering sigh and blasted her a hundred feet away.

"For a second," Robin said, "I nearly thought we were home." He gestured at the mess. He frowned. "You don't think in this universe, Jinx is a hero…?"

"It's none of our business," Raven said. Another knock came at the door. It was… Gizmo. Raven growled.

"Hey, cutie," he said, leering. "Where's Star? And who's the blonde over there? Legs, legs—"

Terra knocked him next to Jinx.

"I don't want to see what other stupidity is going on here," Raven said. "Come on. Portal, please."

The air complied, a black gateway opening in front of her. Just as they left, they heard one more knock, then the door fell in. Mammoth appeared, a giant fist hitting the door.

"Hello, Raven," he said. "Ready for our date tonight?"

Raven controlled the scream welling up in her and jumped through the portal.

* * *

The three weary Titans appeared, again, in Titans Tower. The layout was entirely different, though. The room wasfurnished with polished mahogany tables and a silken sofa, there were no pizza boxes lying about, and everything was either a shade of mauve, beige, or brown.

"I don't like the looks of _this,_" Robin said.

"Yeah," Terra said. "It's… organized."

Starfire came down the stairs, her hair in a set of elaborate curls. Her eyes lit up when she saw Robin.

"Ro-bain!" she called. Raven didn't even react. Her weirdness tolerance was growing extremely high.

Then Starfire saw her and the smile widened even more. (The ever-present detached part of Raven's mind wondered how that was anatomically possible.)

"_Rah-ven!_" she yelled, followed by something in French.

"Sorry?" Raven said. A silly grin was on Robin's face.

"She just called you her wife."

Raven glowered.

"You might be enjoying this, but I…"

Starfire launched full blast at them, hugging Raven. The dark girl struggled to no avail, and gave a withering look at Robin, who appeared entranced. He shook himself.

"Maybe you should let go, Starfire. I think blue isn't a healthy color for even her skin," he said, reluctantly.

"_Comment? Elle est…"_

"Actually, go on just a little more," Robin said, with a wicked grin. He put his hand to his utility belt. Raven gave a muffled growl and struggled some more. Starfire shrugged and smiled at Raven, leaning in towards her. Raven felt paralyzed. She wasn't going to… oh no…

She kissed her.

Raven saw a flash of something, hatred, perhaps, or rage.

When her head stopped spinning, Starfire lay on the ground, knocked out cold, having been smashed against one delicate wall and then another, over and over.

And, Raven thought, a black portal glimmered in the hallway. Thank Azar.

"Come on," she said, her voice even yet dangerously wavering. "We will never speak of this again."

Robin nodded, his hand stealing to his utility belt again. Raven jumped through the gateway, and Robin and Terra followed.

* * *

"What's on next?" red Raven asked.

"What's actually on second," the light said, looking at the TV.

"Shut up," the swirl said. "What universe are they going to next?"

"Dimension Four and Nine-Eights, actually. Or is that nine-eighths? Our messenger always speaks so quickly, it's hard to tell," the light said.

"Wow, thanks for the extreme clarification," the swirl grumbled. "Don't make me use my extremely irritating rhymes on you."

"Bring it on," the light said.

_You'll wish you hadn't said that,_ the swirl thought, and compiled a list in his head of things rhyming with "light."

* * *

_Pfoof._

"That's new," Raven said under her breath. And why…oh. Oh no.

"Why do we always end up in the _worst _universes?" she muttered.

"Bad writing!"

"What?" she asked, and spun around. A horde of small, buck-toothed Robins were laughing uproariously.

"Get it? Get it? Geeeeddddit?" The crowd was sitting in a theater room of some sort. Robin, Raven, and Terra had evidently landed in the middle of Jump City this time… except Robin was nowhere to be found. Neither was Terra.

"Robin?" she said quietly. There was no response, so she walked out of the theater building, hoping… something. She couldn't leave without Robin. Because he was her leader and anyway, leaving him stuck in an alternate dimension wouldn't be nice. She wouldn't even do that to Terra.

* * *

Robin smiled and sipped his drink. It tasted strange, but not necessarily bad.

"It's been nice to see you again too, Larry."

A persistent "ohboyohboy" drone was coming from the small Robin, buzzing about the oddly ungeometrical Tower. Robin couldn't place his finger on why the Tower looked so odd, simply because everything was so odd that no single thing was particularly odd. He realized he was getting himself muddled, and the objective was to get home anyway, as fun as it might be running into Larry.

Anyway, there was no guarantee it wouldn't turn into a disaster. Again.

He and Terra had been talking with Larry for the past hour before he realized that Raven wasn't there. He needed to find her. Because, of course, she was the one that could open portals… right? He had tried saying 'portal' before, but it wouldn't open.

* * *

_(Before, in the White Space:)_

"Look, he clearly wants a portal," the swirl said.

"I don't like him," the light said. "He doesn't like tea."

The red Raven smiled. "I could get used to you," she said, almost purring. The light shifted nervously.

* * *

Robin decided to ask. "Say, Larry… you wouldn't happen to have seen my friend Raven round here?"

Larry looked up from his mutterings. "Huh? Oh, no, of course not… but, with a wave of the magic finger, we can… maybe… locate her."

Robin's eyes widened. "No! Not if it isn't safe. We need her around here to get back."

Larry blew off his concern. "Ah, it'll be fine!" He waved his finger around. Robin closed his eyes, imagining finding Raven torn into little bits, scowling at him to the last, and, of course, never getting home.

* * *

Raven had wandered about for some time through this weird version of Jump City. The sky was still light and the sun bright in the streets. She sighed and drew her cloak tighter around her, watching the short, round people pass by. None seemed surprised at her presence, at least.

The dark Titan shivered and walked to a nearby bench, sitting down. Then, she felt an odd tug on her.

Her vision sparkled, and when it recovered, she was standing in Titans Tower… decorated entirely with pictures of Robin in all his various forms. Larry the Titan sat on one end of a table and Robin himself was lounging across from him, his eyes squeezed shut and his hand gripping a drink. She suspected it was liquefied tofu salsa.

She tapped him on the shoulder, and as she did she realized something was terribly wrong.

* * *

Robin was still imagining the horrendous possibilities when Raven tapped him on the shoulder.

"Huh? Raven! You're here."

"See, I know just fine how to use the finger in my _own_ universe," Larry said. "I…" he faltered as he saw Raven's expression.

"What… about… my _cloak_?" Raven asked. Sure enough, Robin thought, Raven was wearing only her, uh, leotard, and looking very unhappy with it. Robin looked into his drink, whatever it was.

"Eh… I'm not perfect," said Larry. "But, hey, you're back with Robin, so why dontcha take a breather."

Raven glared.

"Or you could go. Um, without, y'know, killing me like it looks you're about to," Larry added.

Raven chanted under her breath.

"Maybe you could get me herbal tea and I'd forgive you," she said. Larry popped some into existence.

* * *

The light's reaction was predictable.

"Are you quite all _right_, light?" the swirl asked.

The light drooled.

"Maybe you've gotten a rabies _bite_, light," the swirl said.

The red Raven and Warp glanced at each other, then together hit the light with energy. It spun.

"Blast and damn," it muttered.

"You seem to be in an unfortunate _plight_, light," said the swirl.

* * *

Another brilliant idea struck Robin. "Hey, Larry," Robin said. "You couldn't use that finger of yours to send us back to our home dimension, could y…"

* * *

"Crap! He can, can't he?" the black swirl said. "Get him out of there! Am I sounding _trite_, light?"

The light frowned but complied.

* * *

A large dark portal swirled into existence and swallowed Robin into it. Raven and Terra looked up. Terra, shrugging, followed him in.

"Well, thanks for the tea," Raven said, before jumping after them.

* * *

The Titans landed in… an unfamiliar location. They hadn't yet popped up out of Jump City, so it was a surprise seeing unknown locations.

However, they were still in a city. What city, though, Robin didn't know. They all appeared the same, huge skyscrapers and lots of cars, people, and so on.

"Where are we?" Robin asked.

"New York City," said Raven and Terra together.

"That was fast of you," he said, smiling.

"I've been here a million times before," Terra said.

"I think the Empire State Building _across the street _was my first tip-off," Raven said.

"Oh." The smile faded. It probably wasn't a good idea to irk Raven without her cloak. At least it was warm and daytime, or he'd be worried about his personal safety.

A red and purple _blur _flew by them.

"Wh…" Robin started.

A yellow and blue blur sped by them.

"Is…"

A blue and red blur swung by them.

"Hey! I…"

A white blur glided past them.

"Damn it!" he shouted. The blurs, up ahead, stopped and turned around. Terra and Raven looked at Robin.

"Brilliant," Raven said. Robin was already running forward, and the two girls followed.

The blurs were, of course, people. Specifically, there was an odd guy in red and blue with black lines like webs on his costume, a short man with lethal metallic claws extended, a guy with a tacky cape and helmet, and a white-haired woman.

"Do not waste my time," said the helmeted one.

"But… I… wait, you're… can I have your autograph?" Robin blurted. The man sighed and raised his hand. Robin scrambled for a pen and paper.

"Awesome!" Terra said.

While they weren't looking, the helmeted man waved his hand and a car ripped itself apart. Its component plates of metal hurled towards the various heroes. They jumped out of the way, but before he could follow, the man was gone.

The clawed man bared his teeth and sped after him, claws extended. The white-haired one closed her eyes; a blast of wind came, and she flew off after the others.

"Hey, I've never seen the almighty Master of Magnetism give _anyone _an autograph," said the last remaining one. "Maybe he'll do a photo-op this time, who knows?" He extended his hand. A line shot out, and he swung off. Robin sighed.

"Well, I guess we better go, Raven." She nodded, wondering whether this Robin wasn't another alternate, and opened another conduit.

* * *

The Titans fell into existence in the middle of a long, black, mottled expanse. Far off, they saw rolling dunes and hills.

"This looks kind of like a… desert," Robin said.

"At least I'll be warm," Raven said darkly.

The ground shook and Slade dropped out of the sky, with some large rock behind him. Robin twisted around, looking shocked. He pulled out his bo staff. Raven raised her hands, andblack energy formed around them. Terra lifted her arms and projectiles ripped out of the ground. The Titans attacked, slicing Slade cleanly in half.

"What?" rumbled Slade's voice… from far above. Raven, Robin, and Terra looked up. And up. And up.

Slade was ridiculously huge. He stood about three hundred feet tall, in fact.

"So here Slade's a giant," Robin said.

"And… he's got boots with little figurines of him on them," said Raven.

A shadow hung over them. Raven sighed, knowing what _that_ meant. She glanced upwards. Yes, Slade's foot was falling down on them. What an ignominious end.

Terrible clanging noises came from above. A giant Robin bounded into view.

"Down there!" he yelled, clashing with Slade. "Titans, go!"

Raven rolled her eyes pointedly. "That slogan's the only consistent thing so far." The edge of a large Starfire and a large Cyborg appeared.

"Funny," Robin said.

Raven shrugged. "I try. Let's go." The normal gateway opened and she, Terra, and Robin stepped through.

* * *

The swirl yawned and looked around. "That's a pretty boring univ… light? Where are you? Wait a second…"

The swirl spun about and appeared in a kitchen area. The light was floating several feet above the ground, looking frantically through the cupboards.

"Now, now, you might hurt yourself from such a height, light," the swirl said. A glimmering black star formed on one of its tendrils, expanding.

"Else I'll have to do it for you, and I'll vaporize you into a dust mite, light."

"I'd like to see you try," the light said.

The swirl pointed to the star. The light glanced up.

"No! Noooo!" it yelled, before the star hit it and it slumped into unconsciousness.

The swirl vowed to redouble its annoying rhymes.

* * *

They landed in the middle of a normal street in Jump City. It was deserted, though; not a single car could be heard, not a single person was milling around.

"Odd," Raven said.

Then, five more Titans burst out from around the corner of one of the buildings... while skipping.

"_We're off to fight the crime lord, the terrible crime lord named Slaaade!_" they chorused.

Raven felt like crying.

"Portal! Portal!"

* * *

"Oh, drat," the swirl said, looking at the unconscious light. "How do I tell them that can't happen now? Hm…"

* * *

_404: File Not Found_ appeared in her mind.

"Come on," she growled. "_Now_ you abandon me, portal power…"

Fortunately, the five Titans skipped out of view and earshot. Raven sighed. She could've sworn she heard something like '_Bubbles was her name, and trouble was her game' _in the background.

"Looks like we're stuck," Raven finally said. "You know, maybe we should've just stayed in the second universe. It wasn't so bad. They were nice."

"You mean you liked the universe where we went out?" Robin said, grinning.

Raven immediately screeched her thought process to a halt. "Don't get any ideas," she spat. "It was better than _this _one. If it keeps going like this…"

She didn't have to wait long. A rather large, ugly, man ran in, panting, followed by the five Titans.

"Control Freak," Raven muttered.

The man stopped suddenly in the middle of the street. The Alternate Titans circled him, closing in. The sky dimmed, and Jump City residents pranced in from all sides, as Control Freak began singing:

_Help, I need somebody,  
Help, not just anybody,  
Help, you know I need someone, help!_

"Look," Raven said. "More evidence for my theory that certain people should not be allowed to have vocal cords."

"Like the 'row, row, row your boat' scene in Warp Trek V?" Robin asked.

"Did someone just diss Warp Trek V?" Control Freak asked, turning around. Evidently he didn't notice them, as if there was a fourth wall between them and the alternates.

"His hearing is abnormally acute," Raven said. "Maybe it's just whenever anyone talks about that movie."

"Who's he?" Terra asked.

"That's Control Freak," Robin said. "He can make things come alive by controlling them with his remote. When we fought, everything around us was animated."

"What's so good about Warp Trek V?"

"Nothing. It sucked," Raven said succinctly. "Terrible writing."

Control Freak looked as he was about to say something.

"I see," Terra said. She shuffled a few steps to the side. "…is that true, Robin?" she whispered, more quietly. "Or is she just being Raven?"

"No," Robin said. "It really is… horrid."

"It's putrescence. Pure and simple," Raven said.

Control Freak looked outraged. Then, the music faded into another song, and he took a deep breath again.

_I don't need to be anything other  
Than a prison guard's son_

The Titans stared in incredulity, but the alternates didn't seem to think anything about the situation was odd.

_I don't need to be anything other  
Than a specialist's son_

"On three?" Robin said, looking a bit green.

"On three," Terra and Raven agreed.

"One…"

_I don't have to be anything other_

"Two…"

_Than the birth of two so—_

"Three!"

A birdarang, a rock, and a fire hydrant surrounded in a black glow hit him one after another, and he fell over. The three dimension-hopping Titans breathed a collective sigh of relief.

The alternate Titans, however, still seemed inert. Apparently, despite this show of force, the alternates didn't recognize their presence in the universe; this, Robin thought, was probably for the best. _Why bother getting introductory songs?_

The alternates were speaking now, but he couldn't hear. Glancing at Raven and Terra, he motioned for them to move in closer.

"Maybe it was Control Freak that made you see Slade," the alternate Raven was saying.

"No," Starfire said. "Even the Control Freak must have substance to work with."

"I don't think it's real, man," Cyborg said.

Beast Boy started to say something, but sneezed instead. "Stupid cold…" he growled.

"No… it was something else. It was my brain." The alternate Robin looked at his assembled team. "You have to understand… I was so obsessed with catching Slade… he started to take over my mind…"

The background accompaniment started again. Robin gritted his teeth as his counterpart began:

_In sleep he fought with me  
In dreams he came  
That voice which calls to me  
And speaks my name_

"Strangely appropriate," Raven said. Robin glared.

"I thought you said you wouldn't talk about that."

_And do I dream again?  
For now I find  
The phantom of the criminal is there,  
Inside my mind_

There was a sudden puff of smoke, and Slade appeared out of the fog, accompanying him:

_Fight once again with me  
Our strange duet;  
My power over you  
Grows stronger yet._

Robin tried very hard not to look at anything.

_And though you turn from me  
To glance behind, _

_The phantom of the criminal is there  
Inside your mi…_

His patience exhausted, Robin crept up behind the two alternates and knocked them out with quick blows from his staff, then retreated before he was seen.

* * *

The alternate Titans took their unconscious teammate back to the tower; the travelers followed at a discreet distance. The alternate Robin was placed on the medical table, and Cyborg and Starfire watched over him while Beast Boy and Raven went to get something to revive him.

"Is friend Robin all right?" Starfire asked. "Should I offer him some essence of brqyzodqdfd root? It has been known to assist with injuries."

Cyborg looked worried and shook his head. "I think he'll make it without that. Living life as a superhero is hard even for us—and we have powers—let alone him." He filled his lungs, and a quick intro riff played.

_I close my eyes when I get too sad  
I think thoughts that I know are bad  
Close my eyes and I count to ten  
Hope it's over when I open them…_

Starfire harmonized on the rhymes.

"What does this have to do with _anything_?" Raven asked. "It's as if they stick in utterly random musical numbers that have nothing to do with the events going on."

_I want the things that I had before  
Like a Star Wars poster on my T-Car's door  
I wish I could count to ten  
Make everything be wonderful again…_

Raven twitched and a solid plate of energy knocked Cyborg and Starfire out, too. She chanted to herself. "I'll be back in a second," she said, and walked around the corner.

"Wow," Terra said. "We've been causing a lot of carnage in this dimension."

Robin shrugged, looking a little guilty. "I don't know that we have any other choice. We can't leave right now."

"Hey, I'm not complaining," Terra replied. "It's a safe outlet for my powers. Don't ask, don't tell, huh?"

She edged closer to him. He sidestepped nervously. _I keep forgetting this is an alternate Terra. Is she…_ She leaned in towards him.

"Robin?" she said.

"Y-yeah?"

"There's a bee stuck in your hair gel. I'll get it off."

_Oh._ "Sure, thanks, Terra."

A rock zoomed towards his head and the insect dropped to the pavement.

"There's insect guts in your hair now," she said. Robin sighed. "I'll go clean that off." He left, and a few moments later, Raven returned.

"There you are," she said.

"Well, yeah. I haven't moved," said the blonde girl. Raven closed her eyes.

"I think it's time I told you something, Terra," she said.

Terra nodded. "Anything. If you trust me now, I mean. I wouldn't want…"

Raven cut her off. "I do."

"Really? Wow… thanks. I didn't think you would…"

"More than that," Raven said. "In fact…"

Background music began and Raven started singing. Terra facepalmed.

_I won't talk  
I won't breathe  
I won't move till you finally see  
That you belong with me  
_

A tear glistened in her eye as she walked around. The orchestra swelled.

_You might think  
I don't look  
But deep inside in the corner of my mind  
I'm attached to you…_

She stopped. Beast Boy popped up from around the corner.

"She's like a blushing bride… She says you make her feel… like a… virgin."

Terra's eyes widened. "A virgin?"

"You know… touched for the very first time." Beast Boy leered. "She says it feels so good inside, when you hold her… and you touch her."

"I've never…"

"She's made it through the wilderness somehow… she made it through. She didn't know how lost she was, until she found you…"

"_What?_"

Beast Boy continued.

_She was beat, incomplete  
She'd been had  
She was sad and blue  
But you made her feel  
Yes, you made her feel  
Shiny and new…_

The alternate Raven nodded. "Will you… will you marry me, Terra?"

The dimension-hopping Raven and Robin returned in time to see Terra scream.

* * *

The traveling Raven winced. "I can't blame you this time, but couldn't you have been a little more careful with your aim?"

Terra shook her head. "Losing control over your powers usually means that you can't aim."

"You sure aimed pretty well at the alternate Raven and Beast Boy," Robin said, rubbing his leg. Raven was healing it.

"How could I _not_, with that awful crooning?"

"Should I be offended?" Raven asked.

"Oh! Sorry, Raven! That's not what I meant."

"I know," she said. She snuck a glance at Terra. _She might be a little thin, but she _is_ cu… _She shook the thought out of her brain as random and perverse. They went back to the Tower.

The alternate Robin was recovered. He walked around, calling, "Titans? Guys? Anyone there?"

Of course, they had knocked out all of the other Titans. And… the alarm rang. The alternate Robin jumped.

"Titans!"

"Even _here_ it's the same…" Raven said. Then, the lights dimmed and the alternate Robin began:

_Titans! We've got trouble,  
Right here in Jump City!  
With a capital "T"  
That rhymes with "C"_

_ That stands for Crime!_

With a long-suffering sigh, Robin pummeled him into unconsciousness.

"Well, we took care of all the Titans now," Raven said. "Looks like the Tower's ours. No wonder our HQ gets attacked so often. Divide and conquer."

"That or because it's a giant T in the middle of an island," Terra said.

"Quiet," Raven said.

"In all fairness, the seventeen times we've been attacked should really have been a clue to switch secret bases," Robin said. "But you know… no place like home…"

"Hey, I happen to _like_ the letter 'T'," Terra said, smiling. "Let's find rooms for the night, and then… pizza?"

"Hmm…" Robin said. "I don't think so. I'll take care of it. Why don't you two relax?"

"Sure," Terra said. "Thanks a lot."

"If you're sure," Raven said.

* * *

"Almost!"

"Come on, I'm _starving_," Terra moaned from outside the door. It didn't exactly help that a delicious aroma was wafting out from behind the kitchen door. Even Raven was impatiently glancing up towards the entrance.

"That's it," Terra said. A boulder flew in and rammed into the door.

* * *

"Uh-oh," Robin said from inside. He estimated the door would only last another couple hits, and hurriedly stuffed the empty frozen dinner boxes into the trash compactor. The door buckled and fell in just as he finished and grabbed the turkey out of the oven.

"Happy Thanksgiving, guys!" he said.

Raven appeared in the doorway. "That looks pretty good," she said. "It looks much better than the usual microwaved Spaghetti-Os, at any rate."

Robin grumbled, but Terra saw the forming argument and stepped in.

"Happy Thanksgiving, Robin, Raven," she said. "I'd just like to say thanks again for letting me come along."

"Don't worry about it, Terra," Robin said, his speech garbled by the mashed potatoes in his mouth.

"Your parents never told you not to talk with your mouth full of food?" Raven asked.

"…no, actually," Robin said, with a pointed look. Raven realized that that might have been insensitive and promptly shut up.

"_Anyway_," Robin went on, "happy Thanksgiving to you two too."

Raven nodded. "Um… you guys too."

"What, Thanksgiving isn't a _pointless, foolish ritual practiced by those clinging to outdated traditions and congratulating themselves on an arbitrary day_ or something like that?" Robin asked.

"Now that you mention it…" Raven said. Robin exercised the privilege of rolling his eyes. After dinner, the three Titans went into the living room. Robin switched on the television, and Terra sat next to him, watching some show or other. Raven contented herself with opening her journal and taking out another pen.

* * *

_At least Robin made the nice gesture of cooking us a Thanksgiving-like dinner. I say 'like' because I don't think the majority of it was cooked so much as microwaved. Terra and I were too polite to say anything about it, though._

_ We escaped the last universe fleeing from me, with my emotions out there in the open. Another painful reminder of what I have to be on guard of all the time. Truly, an eye-opening experience. Four eyes, to be exact._

_ Then, we proceeded to go rapid-fire through five universes, and ended up stuck in the sixth, this one, because a portal won't open for some reason. In_ this_ universe, the quirk is that everyone _bursts into song_ at random intervals. We're stuck in a Titans musical. It is as horrible as you would expect. I am, naturally, on the brink of murder._

* * *

Terra yawned. "I think I'll turn in early, if it's all the same to you, guys."

"Night," Robin replied. He flicked off the television. It was boring him anyway. "What's that you're writing, Raven?" he asked.

Raven looked over and sighed. "It's a diary that I got from a couple universes ago," she said. "You know, to keep logs of our adventures, in case we need to refer to them. And partially to remind myself I'm not going crazy.

"Travelogues," Robin said.

Raven nodded. "For the future. When we get back home."

Light string music began playing from somewhere.

"Oh, no," Robin said. "There better not be lyrics to this."

"There aren't," Raven said. "It's the andante movement of a piece by Mozart. Sinfonia Concertante. In E flat."

Robin raised an eyebrow. "You know a lot about this stuff."

"I like it," she simply said.

Robin listened to it in silence. "Where'd it come from?"

"This _is_ a universe like a musical. People are bursting into song at random intervals. I suppose music can burst out at random intervals, too."

They fell silent, the strains of the violin filling Robin's ears. He closed his eyes and lay back, relaxing for the first time in what felt like days. He calculated…

"How long have we been traveling now?" Robin asked.

"Hmm. Seems to me like the dimensions are all time-synced, even if the time zones aren't the same," Raven said.

Robin nodded, having a realization. "You're right. I noticed the calendar in every dimension is the same. That means the future dimensions are really ones that just skipped a couple years somewhere. It was still 2004 in the first dimension we went through, for example, so we were all just born five years earlier."

"So every second we spend in a universe is a second in our universe," Raven said.

"We left on the morning of the 23rd. So it's only been two and a half days." Robin was utterly exhausted.

"Right," Raven said. "Hard to believe, isn't it?"

"It's been kind of interesting," Robin said. "We've seen so many different universes."

"Thirteen. If you include this one and the white expanse."

"That's still a lot," Robin said. "We've been evil, or some of us have been dating, a couple _weird_ ones..."

"I don't think it's really applicable to our lives," Raven said. "I doubt Trigon can be beaten with tofu salsa, for example."

Robin chuckled. "Maybe not. Still, it's an interesting perspective, at least." He looked out the open window. It was dark already. The skyline of Jump City was clearly outlined against the sky. While he knew every building, he also knew that everything going on in the building was different.

He remembered a story he'd once read…

_Eckels stood smelling of the air, and there was a thing to the air, a chemical taint so subtle, so slight, that only a faint cry of his subliminal senses warned him it was there. The colors, white, gray, blue, orange, in the wall, in the furniture, in the sky beyond the window, were… were… And there was a feel. His flesh twitched. His hands twitched. He stood drinking the oddness with the pores of his body. Somewhere, someone must have been screaming one of those whistles that only a dog can hear. His body screamed silence in return. Beyond this room, beyond this wall, beyond this man who was not quite the same man seated at this desk that was not quite the same desk… lay an entire world of streets and people. What sort of world it was now, there was no telling. He could feel them moving there, beyond the walls, almost, like so many chess pieces blown in a dry wind…_

* * *

Raven, behind him, couldn't help but hear this passage in his head, thanks to their bond.

"That's Bradbury," she said quietly. "I didn't know you read."

"Reading my mind again?" he asked.

"You were practically broadcasting it," she said.

"Well, yeah. I'm not illiterate."

"You know what I mean."

Robin shrugged. "I had lots of time in Gotham."

"I didn't know you had so many interests."

"It's not terribly obscure," he said.

"I kind of thought you were all 'oh, crime is bad, hunt down, justice, Batman.'" She smiled thinly. "Still, I should know better. Since… your past."

"Hey, yeah," Robin said, looking somewhat uncomfortable. Raven was mildly annoyed at this. What was wrong with her knowing…? "I keep forgetting to ask. How much do you know about me through that mind meld?"

Raven resisted the urge to say, _Too much._ _Wear pants more often._

"_What_?" Robin said.

Oops. Evidently, she hadn't resisted that urge.

"I said, a lot," she replied. "Though I didn't catch your eye color or anythingimportant like that."

"Oh, good," he said. "Just my entire history, huh?"

"Only roughly. I spotted a circus thing,"—he stiffened—"a candle thing, all that stuff."

There was a lull in the conversation, the orchestral music still playing on. Raven tried to open a portal again. Predictably, nothing happened.

* * *

The white light still lay unconscious. The swirl was somewhat regretting having knocked him out so thoroughly.

"Damn it, we need your might, light," the swirl said.

"Oh, Super Bomber Man," the light mumbled, drooling.

"This says something about his preferences, doesn't it?" asked the red Raven.

* * *

"No luck?" Robin asked.

"Nope." She shivered as a gust of wind came through the window. "I need a cloak."

Robin opened his utility belt. Raven rolled her eyes. _How predictable._ He took out a spare cape somehow compressed to fit inside.

"How _do_ you fit things in there?"

"Trade secret," he said, and handed her the cape. "I know you think the texture is annoying, but silk just isn't as practical as polymerized titanium."

"It'll do," she said, feeling the heavy cape drape itself over her shoulders. "How do you jump around like that dragging a weight like this?"

"Trade s…"

She whacked him.

"It's just training," he said. "Get used to it and it's useful."

"Right." _Whatever._ "Thanks."

"You're welcome. I keep them on hand all the time."

"And I thought I was special."

"Oh, well, I mean, you are, but still, you, I mean…" He stammered. Raven felt her last comment had flustered him unduly.

"Relax. It was a joke."

He fumbled. "Okay," he finished lamely.

"Robin," Raven said. "it's just me. No need to get all 'Starfire's in front of me, what should I do?' or anything." She was rather looking forward to the coronary she was about to see.

"I don't… she doesn't… you… they… we… us…" Robin quieted. Again, the strings hummed through the air in the silence.

"It's late," Robin suddenly said. "Good night." He went up.

"No _offense_ or anything," she called after him, maliciously amused. Wrapping the cape around her shoulders, she went down to her room.

* * *

"Hell with it," the black swirl said. "Blast him awake."

"I'd be happy to," Warp said, and energized his shoulder laser blasters.

The light might have been basically intangible, but it evidently could be affected by its own type of energy—concentrated light. There was a sizzling sound and the light sprung up.

"_Oh for Pete's sake!_" it yelled.

"Finally, you're upright, light," the black swirl said. "Back to the viewscreen for you."

It grumbled.

"Oh, don't be so uptight, light."

* * *

The next morning, Raven looked out her window, still hugging the thick cape to her.

"I really, _really_ wish I had my cloak," she said aloud, and went down the stairs.

Robin and Terra were already downstairs, talking over some cereal. Raven went to the cupboard and brought out some herbal tea… _wait a second. _She looked at the package more carefully.

"Powdered Tofu Salsa," she read aloud, and rolled her eyes. Truly omnipresent.

"Hey, Robin, can I get some of that cereal? I'm not in the mood for something silly."

"Sure," he said, pouring out a bowl. She sat down. As soon as she picked up the spoon, though, more music began.

"Oh, _no,_" she muttered. The other Titans laughed.

"Yup, it's that stupid cereal jingle," Robin said. "I don't know _how_ they know… but I'll be happy to get out of this universe as soon as possible."

"No kidding," Raven said. She took a bite and grimaced. "Maybe I'll just fast. Can't they open up a portal and send us to a _good_ universe?"

* * *

"I think that counts, so just be bright, light," the swirl said.

"Oh, all right." The light opened a portal.

oooo

Terra stared.

"Raven… look behind you."

"Oh, like I'm going to fall for that. This is _my _cereal."

"No… it's a portal!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Raven said.

"No, there's really a portal," Robin said. Raven turned, and sure enough, there was a black glimmer from across the river.

"Well, what are we waiting for?" she said.

"You to finish your cereal," Robin said.

"It can wait till next universe," she said, and got up. The others followed. As they exited the Tower, though, the alternate Robin suddenly leapt in from nowhere.

"Hey, nicely done," Robin said. "I like that move." Terra and Raven made exasperated faces at him.

Groupies dropped out of the sky and surrounded the smug, posing alternate Robin, circling him and chanting.

_We love you Ro-bin,_

_ Oh yes we do,_

_ We love you Robin_

_ And will be true_

_ When we're away from you_

_ We're blue_

_ Oh, Robin, we love you!_

The groupies faded. Starfire flew in at an angle, next, hitting the ground to the alternate Robin's right. He stopped posing and burst out:

_I'm sick of being alone  
When are you coming home?  
Just a glimpse of your face  
I can remember smelling your hair  
I'll meet you anywhere  
Somewhere that no one can retrace  
Somewhere where no one will know our faces  
_

"Wait," Raven said suspiciously. "This had better not be…"

Terra and Robin nodded, turning slightly green.

_She has two arms to hold me  
And four legs to wrap around me  
She's not your typical girlfriend  
She's my alien_

_She's my alien_

And the alternate Robin put his arm around Starfire. The dimension-hopping Robin retched. Raven commiserated.

Cyborg blasted out of the ground next, holding his sonic cannon out and scowling grimly. There was a chant and ominous mechanical sounds played.

"_You will be assimilated_," he said. "_Resistance… is futile."_

"That's not a song," Robin said.

"Don't complain," Terra said.

"Why aren't we blasting them?" Raven asked.

"It wouldn't be polite," Robin said. Raven scoffed but did nothing.

Beast Boy and another Terra stepped out from behind a small hill together, holding hands. The song switched.

_Tale as old as time  
True as it can be  
Barely even friends  
Then somebody bends  
Unexpectedly  
_

Terra giggled, but expression soon darkened. Raven guessed her thoughts and touched her on the shoulder. She looked up and smiled.

_Just a little change  
Small to say the least  
Both a little scared  
Neither one prepared  
Beauty and the Beast…_

The alternate Terra and Beast Boy walked over to the other alternate Titans. Finally, the other Raven popped out of the ground in a flash of fire. A chant went up from behind them:

_Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,  
In there stepped a statel—_

Raven gritted her teeth and whatever was reciting exploded.

The alternate Titans bunched together.

_We represent the Teenage Titans, The Teenage Titans, The Teenage Titans  
And in the name of the Teenage Titans,  
We wish to welcome you to our Tower._

_We welcome you to our Tower…_

"But you've attacked us and perpetrated constant… uh… attacks without provocation on us!" the alternate Beast Boy yelled.

"Well, his vocabulary's been improved by singing," Raven muttered.

The William Tell Overture played.

"Titans! Charge!" yelled the alternate Robin.

"We're outnumbered two-to-one," Terra said, watching them nervously.

"If they're as bad at fighting as they are at singing, it's all right," Raven said.

"Hey! We can't do _everything_," the alternate Beast Boy said. "Would you rather have lip-syncing?"

"I've been praying for it every fifteen minutes since I came here," Raven said, scowling.

"You need to lighten up, Rae!"

Beast Boy pranced across the river and light music started playing.

"Not again," Raven said. Heedless, Beast Boy started singing.

_Gray skies are gonna clear up,  
Put on a happy face;  
Brush off the clouds and cheer up,  
Put on a happy face._

"Oh, man," Terra said quietly to Robin. "She's gonna go nuts after _this_."

Luckily, Raven didn't hear this.

_Take off the gloomy mask of tragedy,  
It's not your style…_

"Since when?" Raven said. This was almost as bad as being serenaded by Robin outside her window.

_You'll look so good that you'll be glad  
Ya decided to smile!  
Pick out a pleasant outlook…_

"Like your imminent murder?"

_Stick out that noble chin;  
Wipe off that "full of doubt" look,  
Slap on a happy grin!_

"For Azar's sake…" She blasted him away. Unfortunately, Starfire flew up to replace him.

_And spread sunshine all over the place,  
Just put on a happy face!  
_

Beast Boy flew back and continued.

_And if you're feeling cross and bitterish  
Don't sit and whine  
Think of banana split and licorice  
And you'll feel fine_

Raven trembled with rage.

_I knew a girl so glooming  
She'd never laugh or sing  
_

Robin and Terra exchanged looks.

_She wouldn't listen to me  
Now she's a mean old thing_

"I'll take that option, thanks," Raven said. Starfire took over the melody again.

_So spread sunshine all over the place  
Just put on a happy face  
So, put on a happy face_

The music faded out. Beast Boy looked vaguely stunned that he had finished the entire song without dying or being knocked unconscious.

"Well… now what?" he asked.

"As I was _saying_," said the alternate Robin, looking put out, "Titans! Charge!"

"Okay," Beast Boy said. "Credit or debit?"

"How can you charge my account from here?"

"It was just a joke."

Robin, Raven, and Terra exchanged looks.

"Well, it wasn't very good."

"I didn't see _you_ coming up with anything better, Houdini!" shot back Beast Boy.

"Houdini was a magician, not a comedian," the alternate Robin said.

"Whatever! You know what I mean."

Raven levitated herself and swept Robin onto a hovering black plate of energy. Terra gathered a rock platform towards her.

"Not really," said the alternate Raven.

"Well, I was _being _sarcastic." Beast Boy preened.

"Do you even know what that word means?" asked the alternate Robin.

"Yes!"

"What?"

"Huh?"

While the alternates bickered, the three traveling Titans silently flew across the river and jumped into the waiting dark portal.

* * *

"It's about time," the light grumbled.

"Oh, do simmer down," the swirl said. "You'll give them a fright, light."

Red Raven and Warp's expressions were mixtures of irritation and amusement.

"Stop those stupid rhymes or I'll make your head whirl, swirl," the light said.

"Oh, please," the swirl said. "You couldn't whirl around a kite, light. Now stop whining and grumbling or I'll have to use my power to indict, light."

The light made annoyed noises. "I suppose you give me no choice," he said. "You _girl_, swirl," he added in a low tone.

"Quite right, light," the swirl said. _Double-zinger! _he thought triumphantly.

* * *

Raven was last to the portal. Right before she jumped in, she made sure to bonk Beast Boy on the head with a nearby object. He transformed into an elephant, then a piranha, and finally an alligator, then lay still.

"Later, gator," she nearly said, then stopped. This was horrible.

"I'm turning into Robin, aren't I?"

Without further ado, she jumped in.


	9. Who Needs Enemies?

_Chapter Nine: Who Needs Enemies?_

* * *

"We can't handle them, Rob!" Cyborg shouted over the din. Slade-bots continued to charge, and on top of the tall building, Slade himself stood, arms crossed, not even a particle of his suit moving in the windless air. The sunset behind him was vivid.

"We don't have a choice, Cyborg!" Robin bashed another Slade-bot's skull in.

"I don't have the energy to teleport us out anymore," Raven said. "I can barely hurl these robots around."

"And we cannot fly away because of the barrier between the buildings!" Starfire's eyebeams were mowing down the enemies, but they were flooding in and every hit they scored caused another.

"We're stuck," Beast Boy finished, knocking Slade-bots out of his way as a rhinoceros.

"Come, Robin. You know my goal," said Slade from above. Though there was a roar of battle below, his voice carried piercingly to the Titans' ears. "You understand what must be done."

Robin turned over the possibilities in his mind. "No, Slade."

"Yes," Slade said, face turned upwards, a reflective note in his tone, "it seems you are too… petty to serve as an effective apprentice. What of Raven? I've been watching you all; she would be adequate. Afterwards… nothing more would be needed of you."

"No!" shouted four Titans in unison. Raven stayed silent.

"Robin," she said. "If it's the only way, I'll do it."

"No, Raven, you can't. It won't save us for long. Slade, working with your powers… it wouldn't be pretty."

Raven sighed. "True."

The Titans' defensive circle was contracting even further. Soon they stood back to back, facing a massive mob of Slade's servants.

"Think carefully," Slade said. "If yo…"

An electric snap sound came from above. A girl, hair flying in the wind… wait a second. There wasn't any wind. It had just been windless air a few minutes ago. Nevertheless, her hair was flying in it. Robin ignored the inherent impossibility of this. The combat inside the enclosed, invisible prison Slade hat trapped them in had ceased.

The girl was lifting her hands. He eyes were glowing rainbow colors. And she…

For whatever reason, Robin suddenly felt… an embarrassing sensation. He looked around cautiously and covered himself with his cape… just in case. Beast Boy was squirming, too, but Cyborg seemed to have disappeared, as if he was about to be relegated to an entirely optional part in the action. Robin wondered how that worked.

The girl shouted something and fell through the barrier. Robin ran to catch her, but she floated up herself. With a wave of her hands, the Slade-bot armies began collapsing in on themselves.

Slade looked alarmed, from what Robin could tell. Instantly, he waved his hand and another army of robots looking like him appeared on his roof. The girl closed her eyes and waved her arms again and they were all blown off, including whichever one was the real Slade.

"Clever," Slade's voice echoed. "Once again, you've staved off certain defeat. You won't get off so easily next time."

"I dunno," Raven said. "Beast Boy's always found it pretty easy to do that."

"Was that a _joke_?" Robin asked in mock bewilderment.

The strange girl was walking towards them.

"Titans," Robin said warningly, but suddenly felt himself overwhelmed by an… overwhelming sense of fatuousness.

"Yeah?" Cyborg asked. Apparently he was actually still there.

"Stand down."

"But…" Beast Boy started to say. Then, he looked up, and ceased resisting.

"Hello," the girl said in a low, melodic tone. "I'm Alluria."

"Allure…" Raven started. The girl frowned.

"Yes. Alluria Ciductris."

"_Alluria Seductress?_" Raven said unbelievingly.

"With a 'C', 'I', and another 'I'," the girl said. Raven computed.

"That's a terrible name," she said.

"You'd be surprised," the girl said. "So many people's code names are like 'Nightruler the Daisy-fresh Glade' or 'Xyzoqzxyziza'"—Raven was astonished at the pronunciation of the word—"or 'Airblaster the Firehand' or 'Darkshadow Moonray Swan.'" The girl took a breath. "Else, they're something-fire and they're Starfire's brother, or maybe some other bird name, like Hawk Crane or something, and related to you or _Robin_…"

* * *

Robin and Beast Boy had been staring open-mouthed at the girl the whole time, not hearing a single word she'd said. Robin felt it would be best to mentally go through what she looked like for the benefit of any telepaths in the area.

_Her hair's silvery, but with golden streaks that made her hair look like, well… the moon. With wheat on it… or French fries… no, wait. Forget that sentence. Her eyes… they're deep _pools._ No, screw that. They're… they're_ lakes. _No… _abysses.

He nodded sagely to himself. Yes, abysses would be it.

_Abysses… of a deep, clear green… like the new lime Tic-Tacs. Only 99 cents and 50% larger. I bet if I ordered in bulk and they knew it was for a good cause, the breath-freshening of the Teen Titans, well, it's publicity for them and I can get Beast Boy and Cyborg to finally not smell…_

Oops. He focused on the task at hand.

_Like Sprite bottles… except not transparent. Unless that darkness is really the back of her eye socket. They're emeralds. There we go. She's so tall and graceful…_

He found his eyes inevitably drifting slightly downwards from the eyes and hair. He appreciated what he was looking at now just as much, if not more, but didn't feel the need to communicate that particular appreciation to nearby telepaths.

Also, a distant voice was echoing in his mind, saying, "Why does Robin stare at her grebnacks?" He wasn't quite sure on the spelling of 'grebnacks', though. Silly Tamaranean.

She was also opening her mouth. Robin's hearing seemed to fade back in.

"…Titans. I've heard _so_ much about you," she gushed.

"Nice to meet you too," he said. She smiled and shook his hand, holding onto it for five seconds before letting go. Her hand was warm and soft. Robin's vision was spiraling for some odd reason.

"Why don't you come back to the Tower with us?" he said. The words had been struggling to come out of his mouth for some time.

"I'd _love_ to," she said.

* * *

The four occupants of the White Space were watching this on their viewscreen.

"You're sending them there?" red Raven asked. "They'll hate you forever."

"Some people liked it," the black swirl said. Raven shrugged.

"No accounting for taste," she said.

"Well? Put them through. Don't take all night, light."

"Bugger off," the light said drunkenly. But he let the traveling Titans through anyway.

* * *

Raven, Robin, and Terra crashed down spectacularly through the dark gateway again, finding themselves looking up at Titans Tower and the orange sunset overhead.

"Owww… Eight hours in a portal for that kind of landing," Robin said, rubbing his leg.

"It's only around five o'clock. I _can't_ keep using energy to heal you morons," Raven said. But she went over to Robin, her hands glowed briefly, and the injuries were repaired.

"Charming," he said. "But thanks."

Terra… had brought up mud under her in time to cushion her fall. She looked like crap with an eating disorder…

"Hey! What did you call me?"

"Was I self-narrating out loud again?" Raven asked.

"Yes," Terra said, looking exceptionally irked.

Luckily for Raven, the alternate Titans were trudging up the path to the Tower at the moment and she was saved the trouble of explaining away "crap with an eating disorder." Instead, she pointed and shushed them.

"So, _Alluria Ciductris_," the alternate Raven was saying, "what're you doing in Jump City?"

"Well," the girl said. Raven distinctly heard Robin's jaw—her Robin's—drop as she popped into view and gave him a disgusted look.

"I was in the neighborhood and I saw the fight. I travel around the world, you know," Alluria said.

"You don't have a legal guardian? How do you get the money to do that? Don't people wonder what you're doing? Aren't you considered truant by the school sys…" the alternate Raven raised a litany of complaints.

Alluria shrugged them off. "Because they know I could beat every single person in the world senseless."

"_Really_," said both Ravens.

"Yes," Alluria said, as if this should be obvious to the densest child.

"And why's that?" Cyborg said, in harsh tones unlike his normal voice. "We've got some powerful people on board."

"I'm half-demon, half-light," Alluria said. "I have power over gravity, and I can shoot gravity beams from my eyes."

"What?" Raven, watching from afar, said to Robin. "There's no such thing as a gravity beam. And why would she just say 'I'm half-demon'? It's _not_ something to be proud of."

"I like to play the violin, I'm very possessive of my … friends … though I prefer to say 'protective'…"

"Of her male victims, more likely," Raven said.

"Also," Alluria continued, "if I end up having to resort to my last trick, I can create black holes. Localized primordial black holes. With my gravitron enhancements…"

Raven sputtered. "That's impossible."

"…I can calculate the event horizon exactly…"

"Impossible…"

"…and prevent anything that I don't want being sucked in from being sucked in."

"Totally impossible." She shot an annoyed glance at Robin. "Why aren't you saying anything?"

The alternate Robin and Beast Boy nodded, slack-jawed. Starfire was utterly oblivious.

"Hello, gravity one!" Starfire made odd chirping noises and danced around in a horrifyingly 'happy' style. "Curiosity abounds! Please, tell us where you are from, how you got here, what is your favorite color, and do you wish to be my friend? Oh, and…"

She went into a random spew of unlikely-sounding Tamaranean invective, sounding more and more contrived by the second.

When the flow of words stopped, Alluria said, "Well… the dimensional void, the dimensional streams…"

Raven noted to her dismay that the Robin from her universe also seemed a tad overcome, and at these last few words, remarked, "Maybe I should introduce myself. If she knows that stuff…"

"_No,_" Raven said.

"…green, and, yeah, great!" Alluria finished.

"_Glorious! Glorious, glorious, glorious! I will make my Pudding of Joy At Meeting New Person and Accepting Them Without A Second Thought! Perhaps I will top it off with my Pudding of Ignoring Her Obvious Come-Ons to My Obvious Crush!_" Starfire sped off.

"She seem a little off to you?" Robin asked. Terra started to open her mouth but Raven cut her off.

"It was… obviously… a rhetorical question, Terra."

"Okay, but I was going to change the subject to see whether we could take a little time off to eat dinner, since we skipped lunch," Terra said.

"Oh," Raven said, feeling stupid.

"You two go ahead. I'll keep watching them," Robin said.

"That's all right," Raven said. "I'm not too hungry myself."

"Boy, you two are killjoys," Terra said. "Fine, I'll go all by myself." She pouted.

"How did you get that figure with that kind of fixation on food?" Raven asked.

"Constant running away," Terra said. "Good exercise, you know."

"It figures," Raven said, as the blonde girl sauntered off.

"I'll bring you guys back something!" Terra shouted after them. Robin smiled faintly.

"Pay attention," Raven said, and Robin turned around again.

"I'll get your room ready," alternate Robin said. Alluria grinned.

"Okay," she said. Cyborg and Beast Boy disappeared off the scene, yelling "meat" and "tofu," respectively.

Which left alternate Raven walking alone behind the alternate Robin and Alluria. Her lips were a thin line, her eyes covered by her ever-present hood.

"I wish _I _had that cloak," Raven said to Robin.

"Shush. You have my cape," he said.

"Yeah, thanks for _that_," Raven said, rolling her eyes.

"Come on, Rae, I…" he started.

"Is it really that hard to say 'Raven'?" she asked.

Robin was saved from further complaining by a large number of pink teacups and dolls falling from a seventh story window. He dodged them without missing a beat.

"Let's go in. Maybe this Alluria can help…" he said.

"We _can't_ trust her," Raven said. Still, she had the feeling that Robin wasn't particularly listening. She sighed and followed him up the dirt trail into the Tower.

* * *

"…so this is your room. Miraculously converted from storage into a usable room by yours truly," the alternate Robin said, tossing the last of Starfire's stupid pink fragile storage stuff out the window. _Of *course* she'd blow winning the lottery on buying up the Jump City mall's entire stock. Still, why did she have to sort it all by color, fragility, taste, and how many licks it took to get to the center of the object? It's stupid,_ he thought.

Alluria didn't seem to notice or mind. "Thanks, Robin," she said. He felt a pressure on his…

He blushed. "Uh, right gottagolater!" He dashed out.

Alluria loved gravitic powers.

oooo

As he dashed out, Alternate Robin rammed straight into Raven. They both fell down in a jumble.

"Sorry, Raven," he said, gasping.

"It's all right," Raven said. "I'm from an alternate universe, anyway."

She cursed herself. _Maybe I don't have the right to complain about Robin sucking at that._

"Are you really?" Robin said. "So's she. Alluria, I mean. Isn't she…"

Raven rolled her eyes and listened to him rhapsodize about Alluria. At least her Robin had never bothered her with these kinds of ramblings. She listened patiently.

"…and, aw, she's perfect! Her eyes, her hair, her figure, her personality…"

"She has one?" Raven muttered.

"I can't believe I'm so lucky!"

"Spare me."

Robin babbled on.

"All right," Raven said, tired. "Thanks for nothing."

"You're welcome!" The alternate strolled off, sounding somewhat like Starfire. Her Robin popped out from behind a corner.

"Ugh," he said. "That was… shameful to watch."

Raven let him stew in his misery for a minute or so.

"So," she said. "We're clearly not going to get much help from _you_. Judging by the looks of it, Starfire won't be very helpful either."

She pointed to the kitchen, overflowing with sludge pudding.

"Beast Boy didn't seem too different. Maybe he could help," she said. "And Cyborg, too."

"Beast Boy didn't say a word, just stared at Alluria. Now, _you_ didn't seem too different," Robin said. Raven detected a slight smirk, and chose to ignore it, instead shooting death glares at Robin. He had the good taste to blush.

"Right," he said. "We'll ask Beast Boy and Cyborg." He started to move, then stopped. "Wait. 'It's all right?' You never tell _me_ it's all right when I run into you."

"Maybe it's because you're always being stupid," Raven said, acutely aware of the lame response.

"And enthusing about…"

"Nice word choice."

"You can't distract me so easily," Robin said. "Enthusing about a girl you barely know isn't stupid to you?"

"Go away," Raven said, feeling an intense urge to hide under something. If he pressed the point again…

Luckily, he didn't. "All right," he said. "Let's go check with BB and Cy."

* * *

"Aw, man!" Cyborg seemed normal to Raven. He and Beast Boy were furiously pounding on their game controllers, Cyborg taking bites from a turkey sandwich and Beast Boy munching on chips and tofu salsa.

"Who's the beast? Who? Me, that's who!"

"In manners, maybe," Raven said.

As she had guessed, neither Titan gave any sign of recognizing their presence.

"Aw, shut up."

Beast Boy did a jig. Cyborg smacked him.

"Hey! My car!" Beast Boy yelled.

Raven almost smiled. The ceiling glowed black, and plates fell down onto the two enraptured Titans.

"Hey!"

"Ow!"

The ceiling plates moved about, and Cyborg and Beast Boy came out, now disheveled. Robin put on a shocked expression.

"BB? Cy? I didn't know you two swung that way."

"Raven!" Beast Boy said, glaring.

"Rob!" Cyborg yelled.

"Hi, we're from an alternate dimension," Raven said.

"Like that Alluria?" Cyborg asked. Beast Boy's jaw slackened when he heard the name, and Raven closed it telekinetically. She heard the pink Raven inside her giggle and say 'he looks so cute like that!' in a piercing tone. And she ignored it, thinking, _She -would- think that._

She flicked a glance towards him anyway.

"Yeah, like that Alluria," Robin said. "But we're just the Raven and Robin from another universe."

Raven knew it was awkward, but she could hardly blame him. _How do you tell someone that you're not the friend they know, but rather, a duplicate?_

"Terra's with us, too…" Raven began. Beast Boy dropped the controller.

"Terra? She… she's with you?"

"_No. _I just lied to get a rise out of you," Raven said.

"Oh. That wasn't very nice." He picked up the controller again.

"No, I was being sarcastic. She's actually with us."

Beast Boy dropped the controller again. Raven rolled her eyes. "Where is she?" asked the green Titan.

"She went out to get a burger or something," said Robin.

"I'll get her," Raven said, and disappeared in a black flash. She reappeared just as quickly, with Terra in tow, finishing off a piece of pie.

"Hi Cyborg," she said. "Hi… Beast Boy…"

"Shall we leave them to it?" Robin said.

"Yeah," Raven said, throwing an unreadable glance at Beast Boy. "Come on, Cyborg."

They went into another room and sat down. Faint noises from the operations room were ignored for the sake of everyone's sanity.

"So, guys," Cyborg said. "What can we do for you?"

"Well," Raven said, "I could try and take a portal out of here, but Terra's not here right now. Anyway, it's just rolling the dice again. Too many universes to have any chance of getting back home. We need help, some kind of targeting." But of course, there was something else she'd recalled. "Or else some…"

She closed her eyes and projected a mental image of a steaming hot cup of tea in Cyborg's mind.

* * *

"What? What was that?" the swirl said. "Could they know about…" He drifted off.

"I don't suppose you know anything about this?" the swirl asked at last, indicating the others. Warp and Red Raven shook their heads.

"Or you, you insignificant mite, light?" the swirl asked.

"No, of course not. Go away or I'm going to hurl, swirl," the light said.

It actually flickered as if hung over, and the swirl recognized the threat.

"I think you'd best throw up outside," it said. "My patience with drunkenness is finite, light."

* * *

"T…" Cyborg began. Robin passed his hand over his throat and made a gargling sound.

"Titans … dolls?" Cyborg said.

Raven felt her mind perilously close to the edge. _Calm … calm… _With a tremendous effort, she forced her rage down.

"Yes," she said. "That's exactly it."

* * *

"You must have driven them to insanity, swirl," Warp said. "Dolls?"

The red Raven opened her mouth but then… blushed and stopped.

"It wouldn't profit me to do that," the swirl said. The light hiccupped. A portal opened randomly.

"Control yourself," the swirl said. "We don't want them taking flight, light."

"Sod off," the light rambled. "Go bugger a squirrel, swirl."

The swirl solidified. "It's _my_ birthright, light, to do that particular rhyming rite, light. I suggest you be more polite, light, lest you wind up in a fight, light. That would get you in rather… deep… _shite_… light," the swirl said, enunciating every word and hissing as dramatically as was possible. Inwardly, though, the swirl wondered whether using the semi-word "shite" ruined all of the dramatic effect.

It didn't. The light sobered up.

* * *

Cyborg winked at her, and she knew he had gotten the point. Still, she'd had long two-and-three-quarters days, and felt she was entitled to a good rage. _And it's just an alternate universe,_ her inner demons (literally) said. _Destroy them!_ The prospect was inviting, to say the least. Oh, how she'd love to see that detestable Alluria ripped into a hundred thousand pieces.

Robin tapped her and she came back to reality. Beast Boy and Terra had come in, and they, along with Cyborg and Robin, were looking at her expectantly.

"What do you think?"

"I didn't catch that," Raven said.

"Well, _I _didn't throw it!" Beast Boy said.

There was a resounding silence.

oooo

The light burst into uncontrollable laughter. The other three looked at it.

"And I thought my respect for you couldn't go any lower," the swirl said.

* * *

"…as I was saying, I didn't catch that," Raven said.

"That's okay, you're always the referee!" Beast Boy said.

* * *

"Good thing you're not on our team then!"

* * *

"Maybe you need a new glove!"

* * *

"Fishing can't be successful every day!"

* * *

_Twenty minutes later…_

Beast Boy rubbed the icepack against his head. Raven looked at him, somewhat concerned but also pleased. _Who knew that tofu salsa could solidify into such a dense, hard substance? _

"Ow," Beast Boy complained again. "You didn't have to…"

"Yes, I did," Raven said. "So, to try again, I didn't catch that."

Beast Boy struggled with himself in the background.

"Well," Robin said, "I asked if you wanted to go with Beast Boy and Cyborg to the store to get the… dolls."

* * *

"They're not very good at hiding their lies," the swirl said. "Am I not right, light?"

"Yes. No, wait, no…um… yes? Oh, hell, what's that supposed to mean?"

"To be perfectly honest," the swirl started.

"Which is a great surprise coming from you," the light said.

Luckily for him, the swirl ignored him and continued.

"…I actually just wanted to make another rhyme, and I think that excuse is airtight, light."

* * *

"No," Raven said. "I think I'll help you with the other part."

"What, talking to Alluria?" Robin said. "I can handle that myself…"

"I don't think you can," Raven said. "You haven't noted the effect she has on testosterone-driven members—no pun intended of the male population? I don't think you can handle yourself around her."

"As opposed to looking like you're planning on killing her and disintegrating the body," Robin said.

"Yes," Raven said, glaring daggers at him.

"Well, all right," he said.

"I don't care," Raven said. "I'm going anyway."

"Uh… I said 'all right'," Robin said.

"Oh," Raven said. "I expected you to put up more of a fight."

* * *

"He should've," the light said.

"Why, it's downright—light—scandalous," said Warp.

"That was terrible. And it's my schtick," said the swirl. "Give it up."

"I _would_ return to my comfortable home before I get frostbite, light—er, swirl," he said, "if I could open dimensional rifts. As it is, I have no choice but to assist and in the meantime be as annoying as I possibly can without invoking someone's wrath."

* * *

"All right," Cyborg said. "Those travelers said the swirl and light guys can't see what we're doing as long as we're not within range of Raven or Robin. So… we're getting tea."

"Tea?" Beast Boy said. "Like… t-o-f-u? S-a-s-l… wait… that's no—ow!"

"No, 'tea' like the stuff you keep replacing with soy tofu every six days, after which Raven beats you up. I don't know why, tea comes from _leaves…_Now hurry up, man," Cyborg said. They were walking through the Jump City mall. Beast Boy followed, still trying to spell "tofu salsa."

Cyborg had just gotten into a tea shop when there was a heavy impact on his torso. He went flying into the wall. A frail person in a large suit appeared, smirking.

"Adonis!" Beast Boy yelled. Cyborg hit buttons on his arm.

oooo

The communicator sounded. Robin and Raven looked up, on their way to Alluria's new room. Then, the other Robin and Raven dashed down into the stairwell. Starfire appeared at the bottom of the stairs.

"Titans!" both Robins yelled. "Go!"

They looked at each other, then shrugged and dashed off.

oooo

"Ow!" Beast Boy fell into the tea rack… or whatever, he didn't know what it was called. Adonis stood over him, his face twisted between a snarl and a smile.

"Get used to it, Beast Boy," he said. Beast Boy tried the elephant form next, but again made no headway against his enemy, succeeding only in being hit into the counter.

"I'm seeing double," he said, seeing Robins, Ravens, and … one Starfire and one Terra turn the corner. How odd.

Both Ravens chanted, nearly in unsion, and Adonis was hurled next to Beast Boy, but he rolled up quickly and picked up a box. Starfire and Terra threw starbolts and rocks, respectively, but he blocked them with the box, and threw it right at the two Ravens. As they were busy dealing with that, he flew right at the alternate and threw her around the corner. One Robin pulled out his staff and the other threw electric disks at him; Adonis managed to fend off most of the staff blows and knocked away the disks.

"Two Robins? I feel like I'm in a Raisin Bran commercial," Adonis said. "Two scoops of fruit."

Alluria appeared with a green flash, to the side.

"Why green?" Raven said. "It's not like gravity is _green_."

"It's my favorite color, so nyah," Alluria said. Then, she ducked. Somehow, she'd seen Adonis throwing a punch at her, and hit him with an uppercut, then her eyes glowed an odd mixture of red and green and beams came out, hitting Adonis squarely in the chest.

"Out of this dimension!" she growled, and green energy enveloped Adonis. He disappeared.

* * *

"Reroute his destination," the swirl said. "We're giving him an invite, light."

"The more the merrier, I suppose," Warp said.

A portal opened and Adonis fell through.

"Grah! Where am I now?" He caught glimpses of the others. "Raven!" he shouted.

"Calm the hell down," red Raven said. "Strictly speaking, I'm the physical manifestation of Raven's _evil_ side."

"Really?"

"No, but it's close enough," she said.

"Evil... Raven…" he said. "Is there an airport nearby or is that my heart taking off?"

She grinned. "Very funny."

"No, really," Adonis said. "Are you free tonight? Or will it cost me?"

Warp burst out laughing. "That… is terrible."

Adonis ignored both him and red Raven's expression and persisted. "Say, do you have a mirror in your pocket?"

"You can see yourself in my pants? I'm not _wearing _pants," she said.

"Whoa! Not in front of everyone! Why don't you come here, sit on my lap, and we'll talk about the first thing that… pops up?"

Red Raven smiled. "I don't even know your name."

"Bond. James Bond," Adonis said. Warp did a spittake.

"Lost," Raven said.

"Hm?" Adonis said.

"Get lost."

"_Anyway_," the swirl said. "Adonis, I've brought you here to join me in my plan. After I am done with the Titans, I will send you back with a reward."

"The only reward I want is…"

"No doubt some obscene reference to my pants," red Raven interrupted.

"Well, yeah," Adonis said.

"I'll think about it," said the black swirl.

"I'll try not to," said red Raven.

* * *

There was a knock at Alluria's door.

"Come in!" Alluria called. The dark, purple-haired girl stood there. Alluria detested her and her darkness and purple-ness. Next to the dark girl was Robin. And Robin _liked_ her. She knew it. She was the only one around that…

"Could you help us?" Robin asked, as Raven showed no signs of wanting to talk to her. _Why'd she come anyway, then?_

"Oh, sure," Alluria said.

"Can you create dimensional portals?"

"What for?"

"You see, I'm not actually Robin… I'm from an alternate universe."

"Oh," Alluria said. "Double the fun." She put down her mirror and stood up. "Then what can I do for you?"

"We're stuck," Robin said. "We need someone to open up portals to us that will transport us back to our home universe."

Alluria walked over to Robin.

"I understand," she said, leaning in.

"Of _course_ you understand," Robin said. "You're so… so perfect…"

Alluria giggled. Raven scowled.

"Let him go," she said.

Alluria said, "I didn't do anything. You were here all along, right? You saw me do nothing."

"I know your type," Raven said. "Stop affecting him, or I'll have to use force."

Alluria sighed. "Whatever you say," she said, releasing Robin. Raven frowned at her. Robin blinked, recovering, apparently unaware that anything had even happened.

"So will you help us, Alluria?" he said.

"Sure," she said. "Let me gather my power and I'll see you in half an hour on the roof, to check on this place."

"Great!" Robin said. He sounded like he meant it. "Then we'll see you then."

Raven glanced over for half a heartbeat, scowling. "Careful," she whispered again. Robin paid no mind to her, though.

"Robin!" she hissed. He turned.

"Half an hour, Raven," he said, in a monotone. "And then… she…"

Raven hit him hard over the head, and his eyes cleared and his voice regained its normal timbre.

"Thanks," Robin said, shaking himself. "What…"

"As I suspected, she invaded your mind. She's trying to get you, Robin."

"Why? She's got me… well, the other me… already."

"Don't ask me. Maybe it's insurance. Just in case she screws up the other one, well, backup Robin already wrapped around her waist."

"That's... disturbing," Robin said, an eyebrow arched. "But strangely…"

He was saved from making a verbal gaffe by Cyborg and Beast Boy, who trooped in. They carried a box wrapped up with a bow on top.

"Here you go," Cyborg said. "High-quality dolls."

Robin found it incredibly hilarious how trying-to-be-nonchalant Cyborg sounded.

"Thanks," Raven said. "We'll make sure this gets to where it needs to go… you could say we'll make sure it gets into the limelight. Or the spotlight."

Robin caught on.

"Yeah, but we'd better go before we … run out of daylight. And it turns into moonlight and starlight. It's not like we have dimensional floodlights or streetlights to light the way, or something to provide gaslight or firelight."

Raven thought he was pretty good at this, actually. Beast Boy and Cyborg looked at them oddly.

"We'll go to the roof through the skylight," Raven said, and enveloped Robin and herself in black energy, speeding upwards.

* * *

The swirl looked at the screen suspiciously. The light squirmed, wanting to say 'okay, I get it,' but obviously unable to. Then, it remembered that they had tea and brightened, literally.

_

* * *

Twenty-five minutes later…_

Raven shivered again. Robin was relaxing in a greatly annoying way. She felt like attacking him.

"Robin, it's _really _cold out here."

They were on the roof, and had been for some time, waiting for Alluria to show up and send them back; if it worked, they wouldn't need the tea, and they wouldn't have to take the word of a crazed English light. All in all, Raven understood why they were up there. It didn't make it any warmer.

Terra wasn't even there to be miserable with her, as she'd elected to go out to dinner with Beast Boy. Alluria had said that if she succeeded, she'd send Terra through after Robin and Raven to their universe. And if not—well, this was good enough anyway.

"It's not too bad," Robin said.

"Well, you have a blanket around you. Of course it's not too bad. And why do you have a blanket in your utility belt?"

"Fire blanket," Robin said. "I've got another cape if it'll help."

"I'd prefer a large blanket," she griped.

"Fine," he said, handing her the blanket.

"Oh," she said, stupidly. "You don't have to. I was just…"

"I know," he said. "Take it anyway." He pulled his cape around him more tightly and covered her in the blanket.

_Oh well. I'm not going to complain,_ she thought, feeling warmer already.

"Thanks," she said.

Robin was feeling slightly awkward, but was saved from having to respond when Alluria Ciductris appeared from the entrance. Raven immediately resumed her annoyed expression, and Robin felt the familiar tug again. He resolved to take a cold shower.

She looked up at him and met his eyes. His inclination for the shower faded.

"Oh, uh, hi, uh…" he said. Raven looked disgruntled.

"Are you ready?" she asked.

"Yes," Alluria said. "I've got your universe targeted. I'll channel a beam directly at you, and…"

"Whatever," Raven said. "Just do it, could you?"

Alluria shrugged. "All right," she said, and went over to the two Titans, putting her hands on their shoulders. Robin stopped breathing.

Alluria's eyes glowed white, then, predictably, red. She shouted something and her grip on Robin's shoulder tightened. Raven reflected that if she didn't know better, she'd think Robin had just been possessed by Trigon, he was blushing so hard.

Alluria screamed something that sounded absurdly like pig Latin. Raven rolled her eyes. Nevertheless, a portal opened.

"It's targeted to your universe," Alluria said, "through your memories, which I took to…"

"You did _what?_" Raven said, outraged. "You… you…"

"Just go!" Alluria said. As Robin was about to speed in, she gave him a swift kiss and Raven wondered if he had any blood left that _wasn't_ rushing to his face.

"For luck!" Alluria said. Stumbling, Robin went towards the portal.

"All right, _Leia_," Raven mumbled.

* * *

"Smite, light," the swirl said.

"That doesn't make a lot of sense," red Raven said.

"Neither do you," Adonis said.

"What? How's that? I always precisely articulate my ideas," she said.

"You don't want to have…" he started.

"Oh. I see where _this_ is going," she said.

The swirl interrupted, saying, "I meant for him to smite their flight, light, through the portal."

"I'm trying," the light said. "Something's… resisting."

oooo

"Something's trying to divert the portal!" Alluria said, concentrating. "It's all right, nothing can beat me!"

"Hubris," Raven muttered.

"Tell us when it's safe to go in," Robin said.

"No time like the present!" Alluria said, straining.

"Thanks, Alluria!" Robin said. He looked like he was going to say more, but Raven pushed him into the gateway and followed.

Alluria felt her control slipping, and renewed her push to keep the portal straight. Erasing someone that looked as good as Robin from the multiverse would be such a waste.

* * *

"Oh, she's good," the light said. "Why didn't you consider this girl, swir… er…"

"Because," the swirl said, "I thought you'd be able to handle her easily, without needing any respite, light."

"Right, well, I'm going to circuit them through here and back into that universe," the light said.

"Why don't you circuit me through this girl over h_…_" Adonis began.

"Knock it off," red Raven said.

"I'm trying to, but you won't let me!"

"If you're implying what you're implying, I'd stop if I were you," red Raven said. "You've been amusing _thus_ far… but that'll end soon."

Adonis opened his mouth. Red energy formed into a hammer above him and knocked him silly. He desisted.

oooo

"No!" Alluria shouted. She felt her passage being twisted around, and struggled with it. It inexorably bent, and in three minutes, Robin and Raven reappeared in the sky above her.

She gasped and let go of the portal, collapsing.

* * *

"Whew," the light said. "That was rough. I should've been faster."

"No need to be so… contrite," Adonis said. "Light."

"That's _my _gig, newcomer," the swirl said. "Don't be an anus, Adonis."

"Eww," said the red Raven.

"Don't like hearing about… throbbing gearshifts of looove?" he asked. Red Raven burst into laughter and flung him five miles across the White Space, then back.

* * *

"What happened?" Raven asked the panting Alluria. "Did you screw up?"

"Hey, I tried my best," Alluria said. "Whatever was out there was… better." She sighed. "I'm going in. I'll try again later, if you want, once I've regained my control."

"Sure," Robin said to the retreating back of Alluria.

"Well. I didn't _think_ she could do it," Raven said.

"Ah, get over yourself," Robin said.

"Whatever. Fine, I guess we'll just wait till tomorrow."

oooo

"You cleared it for _Alluria_," Raven said to the amazingly annoying alternate Robin. "Why not us?"

"I'm busy tonight!" he said. "I'm going out to dinner."

"With your precious girlfriend Alluria," Raven said.

The alternate turned red but didn't deny it, instead stomping out of the room. Raven took some satisfaction in that his jacket was inside-out and his tie was crooked.

"Well, Robin," she said to her fellow traveler, popping out from behind a corner. "Looks like we'll have to clear three rooms of Starfire's clutter by ourselves."

* * *

"There," Robin said, wiping the sweat from his forehead. "I finished my room."

"Good job," Raven said, lounging on the sofa in her room. She had been doing so for thirty minutes, in fact, reading a book and watching Robin laboriously drag the green, dense, sour, 5600-licks-to-get-the-the-center items out of the room. She'd finished pouring the red, slightly fragile, tasteless 20-lick items out the window a long time ago. Then, she had emptied the room that was going to be Terra's. When she finished _that,_ she decided to just watch Robin fume. Behind his back, she had helped move the items out with her powers, but she wouldn't tell him that.

"Now," he said, but before he could finish, the violin piece from the universe before started again, but without the other strings instruments backing it. Robin eyed the stairs.

"Alluria," he said. Raven nodded. It was more like a twisted grimace.

"Mozart," he added. "Sinfonia Concertante, andante movement, E flat."

Raven raised an eyebrow. "Right. You have a good memory."

Halfway through, there was a crash. The two Titans looked at each other and went down the stairs. In the hall, Raven and Robin were arguing.

"_No,_" the alternate Raven was saying. "It's completely unsafe, and I can't believe you'd take that kind of risk, Robin!"

"We can trust Alluria," the alternate Robin said.

"I'd think _you _out of all of us would believe me," said the other Raven. "We've known her for two days. We knew Terra for a lot longer and she _still_ ended up a turncoat!"

"I'm not going to listen to this."

"If you hate me so much," Alluria said, coming in from upstairs, "why don't you just leave?"

"Why don't _you_? I helped _make _this team, and no matter what you're doing to Robin to make him believe you, I know what's going on."

"I don't care what you think about me," Alluria said. "Just don't get in my way." She started to the door, but the alternate Raven blocked her path.

"I'm not going to leave you alone with Robin," she said.

"Really," Alluria said. "I'd like to see you stop me." She raised her hand and Raven fell into the door. The alternate Robin stood there looking on, his expression wooden.

"_Azarath Metrion…_" the alternate Raven started to chant, but Alluria clenched her fist again and alternate Raven cried out and fell to the floor. Alluria's eyes glowed green and she raised the crumpled Raven with her gravity eyebeams, shooting her out the door.

"_Don't_ come back," she said to the alternate out on the lawn.

Raven looked at Robin and an unspoken thought passed between them. They slipped out the door while Alluria was talking with Robin, and went to the prone Raven.

"Robin," the alternate said. "Or are you the traveling one?"

"Traveling one, I'm afraid," he said.

"Don't blame your Robin," Raven said. "Alluria's got him trapped."

A scream echoed from the Tower and Starfire burst out the window.

"Someone has destroyed three of my storage rooms!"

"Oh, _no_," the alternate Raven said. "Maybe it was Alluria," she called up to Starfire.

"Do not slander my friend, Raven!" Starfire flew down from the window.

"Oh, and what am I? A Titan-shaped sack of potatoes?"

"She has told me what you did to her! Get out!" Starfire tossed a single starbolt in her direction and left.

"Funny how she didn't mention how she's stealing Robin from you"—the Robin that was present blushed—"and how she kicked me out like that," the alternate said. She sounded uncaring, cold, but Raven sensed that she was hurt. After all, what could you hide from yourself?

"It'll blow over," she said. "Just wait out."

"Yeah," the double said, "but what do I do until then?"

There was a silence, then Robin pressed something on his utility belt and a datapad slid out.

"You ever heard of Bruce Wayne?" he asked.

"Multi-billionaire socialite," both Ravens said.

"Great. Go and stay with him for the next few days," Robin said, scribbling out a note on the datapad. "Give this to him. It'll work out."

The alternate nodded. "Right. Thanks," she said. She pulled her cloak around her and flew off.

* * *

"…and a movie," alternate Robin was saying. Alluria giggled. Raven hated it even more now that she had seen how cavalierly Alluria had treated… her.

"You're back?" Alluria said, catching sight of her. "Or… are you the dimension hopping one? Your, uh, double is very impolite."

"Maybe that's honesty," Raven said. "Don't know if you've heard of it."

Robin groaned. Luckily, the argument was halted by their communicators beeping.

Slade appeared on the communicator. Alternate Robin stiffened.

"Titans!" he yelled into the communicator, switching the signal beam. "Assemble!"

Beast Boy, Terra, Cyborg, and Starfire burst in from the sides.

"Slade," Robin said in a low tone, and switched back to him.

"Good evening, Robin."

"What are you doing, Slade?"

"You'll find out soon, I'm sure. I've called to simply remind you…"

The alarm started beeping.

"Consider that the offer for my next apprentice still stands," Slade said. "You may find it necessary again."

"Not if I have anything to say about it," Alluria said.

"You don't," Slade said. His image winked out.

* * *

In the middle of Fifteenth Street stood the City and Suburban Bank. Cinderblock was currently ramming into the bank's steel doors at full force, denting and buckling them.

Eight Titans appeared from around the corner. _Well, seven and Alluria_, Raven thought.

"Hold it," alternate Robin said. The Titans threw initial volleys of attacks at the concrete man, with explosive disks, starbolts, various black-glowing heavy objects, sonic blasts, and a ram's horn hitting him. Then, a green gravity beam hit him and he gasped, roaring as he began to inexplicably shrink in on himself.

Soon, he'd warped in around himself and collapsed. Alluria grinned, hair flying. _And that's probably flying because of her gravity powers, _Raven thought.

"Expendable," said Slade's voice, and a blast of concentrated lightning hit Alluria from behind. She cried out and gravity beams struck Overload, but the lightning redoubled its fury. The other Titans dashed for the mechanical card generating it.

"Overload!" alternate Robin shouted. "Get your filthy hands off her!"

"Touchy, aren't we?" Slade said. Alternate Robin growled and simultaneously, his disk and the traveling Robin's disk hit Overload. Compressed water shot out and Overload screamed, but the damage was done. Alluria sank down.

"_Primordinoir_," she gasped, and fell.

_ What kind of a spell name is that?_ Raven thought to herself tetchily. _It's, what, Latin and French? _She sighed.

"Alluria!" yelled the alternate Robin.

Raven felt a sudden strong pull and she and everything around her fell in towards Overload… _or where Overload -was-_, she thought. Before they collapsed into the black hole, it dissipated, with the electric villain sucked in and ripped apart.

"Replaceable," Slade said. He'd still managed to remain standing with the wave of gravity. In fact, he'd gotten down from the building, grabbed Alluria, and gotten up again. "It looks like we're done here. Goodbye, Titans."

He leapt away from the building and his darkened figure sprang across roofs.

oooo

"He's so fast," Terra said, panting, trying to keep up with the figure of Slade, now far ahead.

"Yes," Starfire said. "Even I am having trouble keeping up with the Slade."

"Me too," Beast Boy said, briefly transforming out of his cheetah form.

"We need to surround him first," Cyborg said. "Then hit him with all we've got!"

"Right," Robin's double said. "Split up and surround him along the vectors I point out on your communicators. Titans, go!"

The Titans dispersed and sped around Slade, surrounding him. The mastermind stopped, however, well before they were ready to ambush him. He stood in front of a nondescript, shabby apartment door. He muttered something, and a bright light sprung up and engulfed Slade, who dropped down below the street.

"Follow him, Titans!" shouted Robin. Unhesitating, they leapt in and the hole above them slid shut. The platform was some kind of elevator, slowly moving them down.

"I've got a bad feeling about this," Terra said. The plate of ground stopped moving and an invisible door opened into a hallway. At the very end, Slade's figure turned a corner.

"Move!" both Robins yelled. As they went into the hallway, there was a sudden snapping sound.

"Aww, man!" Cyborg said.

An electric hum sounded and a barrier field sprang up behind them, closing off the entrance to the elevator which had brought them there. The walls moved outwards to leave the Titans in the middle of a tall, wide, pit.

Lights switched on, accompanied by clamorous metal clangs. Slade stood high above, in a plated window. Slade-bots trooped in from every side through four other hallways, filling the room as far as the eye could see. In front of them all stood the monstrous figure of Plasmus.

"I see your Raven isn't here," Slade said. "Still, the doppelganger will suffice."

"No!"

"You have no choice," Slade said. "Attack."

The Slade-bots and the blob villain charged, and the Titans spread out, defending against them. Starfire's eyebeams blasted through rows at a time, and while Beast Boy's elephant-spinning-in-circles act was effective, Raven was amused at how idiotic it looked. Again, however, sheer numbers were quickly overwhelming them.

"Portal," Raven said. "Portal!"

* * *

"Don't you hear them, light?" Warp said. The light sheepishly pulled his eyes away from the screen.

"It was almost like a movie," the light said.

"Very good insight, light," the swirl said, "but give them the portal to the next universe."

"There is no next universe plotted in," the light said.

"Real smooth," said red Raven.

"I'd be _real _sm…" Adonis began, but was silenced by a slice of red energy.

"Well, then," the swirl said, rubbing its hands together on another plane of existence. "Bring them here."

* * *

At the back of the room, Raven saw the twinkle of the black portal. "Robin," she hissed.

"What?" he said, slamming his utility belt. An empty bucket came out—Raven recognized it as the one he had stored the tofu salsa in—and he threw it, frustrated, at a nearby Slade-bot.

"The portal," she said, pointing to the back of the room. "We've got to get out."

"No, we've got to save them," Terra said, looking at Beast Boy.

"Then we'll all go," Raven said. "Terra. Trust me."

Slowly, the blond girl nodded.

"All right," Robin said. "Listen up, everyone. Our goal is to get to that black portal over there. If you get there, jump through. That's it."

"Titans!" said the other Robin. "Go!"

* * *

The battle was going reasonably well for Slade, but he wasn't satisfied. There was always a trick at the end. In fact, if his sight wasn't fooling him…

There was some kind of a black dot the Titans were fighting their way towards.

"Clever," Slade said. He pressed a button and the plated window slid down. He jumped without hesitation in front of the black portal.

* * *

"We're clear!" Robin shouted. They had fended off the Slade-bots and reached within five feet of the portal.

"Disperse, Titans!" he called back.

"Robin, it's too early for that," Slade said from behind him. Robin whipped around and got a staff in the face.

"Come," he said. "Don't think I'll let you off so easily."

Raven chanted and fallen Slade-bots veered towards Slade. He jumped up, knocked them out of the way, and slammed straight into Raven, who cried out and fell down, groaning. Beast Boy leapt on him and he fell with a grunt, but rolled up quickly and tossed a small object at him which knocked him back. Leaping at Beast Boy, he delivered a jumping kick which knocked the green Titan out.

Both Robins leapt up in sync, staves extended, and advanced on Slade. Cyborg came from the left and Starfire flung starbolts from the right. Slade pulled out a smoke grenade and vanished into the cloud.

Four more copies of him, obviously more advanced—in fact, reminding Raven of the one Robin had fought after the first Red X debacle—dropped down from the ceiling, activating. Cyborg spun and shot sonic blasts at the copy nearest him, which deflected them with a staff and hit Cyborg repeatedly, hammering him with a lay of blows until he was knocked into a nearby pile of Slade-bots.

Starfire was backing away from another Slade-bot, trying to use her eyebeams to vaporize him but unable to put a dent in it. She backed right into… what seemed to be the real Slade. She could almost see him grin coldly before both Slades rammed blows into her head and she dropped.

The two Robins were faring well against the two elite Slade-bots near them, fighting them to stalemates. However, the real Slade again appeared behind them, and quickly hit them down to the ground. There was a spark from Robin's utility belt, and his last conscious thought was that his glass generator had shorted out.

Suddenly, Slade found himself floating and sharply turned, as much as was possible.

Raven was levitating him and the other elite Slade-bots, then flung them together as quickly as she could. Slade seemed to have felt the impact quite heavily; a noise escaped him, but he rolled back up to his feet.

"Terra, get Robin," Raven said, flinging everything she could see at Slade to keep him down. "I…"

"_Arrghh!_" Plasmus's cry was enough to halt all the battle for three seconds. The blob heaved in and out three times. Then, it imploded spectacularly… and with a green flash. Alluria Ciductris stood wearily behind him.

"Forget about me?" she said.

"Not in the least," Slade said. "I'll admit I'd hoped you'd remain restrained for some time longer."

Alluria seethed. "I – have – had – enough – of – you!" she screamed, flinging out her arms on every word. The rows of Slade-bots buckled in on themselves at every movement, flying down the hallways they'd come through and hitting the walls.

Slade himself was already leaping at her, and she barely noticed his approach in time to block his hits. He fought with the enraged girl, finding her almost a match to his skills.

Meanwhile, the two still-conscious Titans were talking.

"Terra!" Raven said urgently. "We're the only other ones up still. Let's get _out_ of here!"

"Raven! What about these people? Can we just leave them like this?"

"We've got to help Robin and get out of here," Raven said. "Let's _go_. This universe isn't our responsibility. We can't disturb the multiverse for this."

"Raven," Terra said, steeling herself. "I know I said I wouldn't argue, but this isn't… right."

"Terra," Raven said, "I'll toss you through this portal myself if I have to."

The blonde girl frowned. "I'm touched, but don't."

* * *

The light almost unconsciously ported itself popcorn. The swirl hit it with a single bolt of its black lightning and it warped in more for everyone to share.

"It's like a movie, except that it's real!" the light said.

"Quite, light," the swirl said. "But you don't have to recite, light, every single way it's like a movie, or I'll feed you phosphite, light."

"What's…" Warp started.

"A salt of phosphoric acid," said the red Raven.

"I see."

Red Raven saw that Adonis was about to make a comment and preemptively struck, taping his mouth shut in the shape of an X.

"Red X," she reminisced. "Now that man had style. Maybe I shouldn't have killed him so painfully."

oooo

"_Azarath,_" Raven began. Terra didn't charge up her powers, though.

"Raven…" she said.

"_Metrion…_" Raven chanted, ignoring her.

"Raven, we can't fight like this, all right?" Terra said. "Not now, especially not now. If you're sure about leaving like this, I won't argue with you anymore… but please, _think_ about it first."

Raven sighed and the energy around her hands flickered.

"We're here to save everyone we can, right?" Terra said. "Don't you think Robin'd want you to save the alternates?"

Slowly, Raven nodded and her hands stopped glowing.

"You're right. I'm," she started. Then, she paused.

"Sorry," she finished. "Let's fight Slade. Together."

Terra nodded and smiled at her. Raven felt a rush of some emotion but ignored it for the time being.

"Let's go," she said.

* * *

"Aww," the light said. "I'm a sucker for happy endings."

Everyone took turns smacking the light.

* * *

Raven had just turned to face Alluria when Slade flew back right into her, knocking her against the wall.

Alluria had punched Slade in the gut. She closed her eyes and concentrated.

"_Primordinoir!_" she shouted. Slade merely stood still, and nothing happened.

"Anti-infinite-gravity suit," he explained. "A precaution I thought might be useful when dealing with you."

"That's… that's impossible," Alluria said. "How could you prevent infinite gravity from destroying you?"

"And how can you _create_ it?" Slade asked. He jumped at her and delivered hit after hit to the stunned Alluria. Finally, she landed in a corner of the room. Slade walked up. A sudden aura of green light surrounded Alluria and everything nearby began to levitate.

"Let's get this over with!" the girl screamed. Everything flew up in a whirlwind towards the black portal. Alluria herself was borne up through the tornado, and Raven was only conscious of rushing wind. She felt several impacts from objects flying around in the gravitational storm. She saw the dim shapes of Terra, Robin, and Slade, all roaring about in frenzied motion.

Finally, she saw the familiar surroundings of the dimensional rifts around her. Her vision swirled sickeningly. It faded and she fell unconscious.

* * *

_Three hours later, in the White Space…_

"No more destinations?" the swirl asked.

"No," said the light. "We're out."

"Then," the black swirl said, "bring them all over, and have them hang on tight, light. The set that's still in the pathways. The ones we were watching. The Teen Titans from Universe 1. And the ones from the universes they went to."

"Including…"

"Yes, even the ones that they wanted to insult and slight, light. As many as you possibly can."

"Oh, all right. You'd _better _hand over that tea when I'm done with this, you thief. And stop saying those stupid rhyming sentences."

The swirl smirked. "Why, if you do it quick, I might, light."

The light groaned and focused itself.

There was a loud whine, and a drawn-out flash of white, slowly darkening through shades until it was utterly black. When it faded, the light fell down, unconscious. The swirl shrugged.

"So," it said. "Part two."


	10. Swirling

_Chapter Ten: Swirling_

Note: Mostly unedited. Definitely lost interest in editing this.

* * *

The unconscious light was lying on the floor of the White Space.

"Out like a light," the swirl said, chuckling at his own pun. "All right, blast him awake."

Warp and red Raven complied.

"_Dammit!_" the light yelled. "Can't a man get any sleep around here?"

"Just hold tight, light," the swirl said. "You'll get your time to… shall we say… shine?"

Everyone groaned. The swirl smiled to itself.

"Keep them in the dimensional streams for the night, light," it said. The light, still looking harrowed, flickered.

"All right," it said. "I won't have to open exit portals on this end until I've recharged, I suppose. Good night."

It diminished to a single pinprick. The swirl said, "I will… see… you in the morning. Oh, wait, the light's gone. Beds lie over there."

Its tendril pointed to a section that was a slightly off-white color ("Off-white, light," the swirl said reflexively) and it similarly curled up into a ball. Warp, red Raven, and Adonis collectively shrugged and headed over in that direction.

"If we're all heading out for the night," Adonis said, "how about you and…"

The red Raven cut him off.

"No. _I_ will be making myself some tea." She cast an amused glance at the sleeping light and disappeared in a flash.

"Touchy, isn't she?" Adonis remarked.

* * *

_Universe 1, earlier that night_

Robin and Raven were still missing without a trace. They had fallen through the black portal when Cyborg had tossed them in, for which he was feeling intensely remorseful. Still, he mostly blamed the now-invisible or missing Warp. He, Starfire, and Beast Boy, however, were no closer to finding out what to do.

"Oh…" Starfire's expression was dejected. "Please, I would like to know where our friends are!"

Cyborg said, "We all do, Star. We've searched everywhere, but if they went anywhere in time… doesn't look like they'll ever get back."

"Dude, it's only been threedays."

"Yeah, but remember when Star went to the future? She got back right afterwards," Cyborg said.

"We cannot give up!" Starfire said. "We need Robin! And Raven!"

"There's no need to shout, Star," said Beast Boy. He tripped over a rock and cursed loudly. Cyborg grinned. Beast Boy, oblivious, continued, turning to him.

"We're not going to give up, right, dude?"

"Right," Cyborg said. "Still, they can't be in the past or the future if we expect to find them. They must be in someplace where time passes exactly the same as it does here…"

He paced slowly about the room. Starfire nodded.

"They are not somewhere in this galaxy or even this universe," she said. Cyborg stood up, knocking over a table.

"That's it!"

Beast Boy audibly jumped. "What's it?"

"Universe," Cyborg said. "They're using quasi-chronometric conduits to traverse dimensions! All we need to do is set up an _n_-dimensional quantum multiverse circuit using an electromagnetic armature to determine the universal cosmological constant where they are!"

There was a brief silence. Beast Boy gulped.

"Will it hurt?"

* * *

Cyborg had set up his equipment in a jumble of wires.

"Right now," Cyborg said, "they're in a universe labeled Universe 9MS-AC." He peered at the viewscreen.

"Hey, someone's got a bug on Robin!" he said. "I'll just route the circ…"

"I so don't care," Beast Boy said. With an annoyed look, Cyborg pressed a couple of buttons and a picture appeared on the viewscreen.

"Robin!" cried Starfire.

"He, uh, can't hear you," Cyborg said.

"Oh. Of course," Starfire said.

Onscreen, there was an avalanche of Slade-bots. "We're clear!" Robin was shouting. He and… six others were standing there, including…

"Terra?" said Beast Boy.

"Disperse, Titans!" the Robin on the screen called back.

"Robin, it's too early for that," Slade said from behind him.

"Slade," Cyborg said. "They're in for a fight."

The onscreen Slade whacked Robin in the face. The watching Titans winced sympathetically.

"Come," Slade said. "Don't think I'll let you off so easily."

"Right," said Cyborg. "They're okay, for now. We need to find some kind of way to get there."

* * *

_A few hours later…_

The three Titans had seen the fight, the dramatics, and the Titans' eventual escape ("Who is that _girl_, and what's her phone number?" said Beast Boy), but then the picture had faded as Robin entered the dimensional streams.

There was a phasing sound as Cyborg activated his controller and a swirling black portal popped up. Cyborg stepped up and experimentally fired a few blasts of energy through, and it didn't react.

* * *

In the White Space, however, sonic blasts ricocheted off the walls.

* * *

"Great," Cyborg said. "Now, we go through." Without further ado, he jumped in.

"But wait," Beast Boy said, only to see Starfire follow.

"I'd really like some insurance first," he said, before jumping through himself.

* * *

_In another universe…_

"I still can't get over her _attacking_ us," said the future Beast Boy. "Okay, so maybe it was a little sudden to go and bother her with the stuff about me and Raven, but she shouldn't have _hit_ us."

"She still couldn't control her powers," future Robin said for the umpteenth time. "Sudden emotion triggered reflexive attacking."

"Was there a verb in that sentence?" said Beast Boy.

"You've been picking up on some of Raven's whining, I see," Robin said. "Not quite as good, though. The verb was 'triggered'."

Just then, there was a flash of white and they disappeared into a portal.

* * *

_In another another universe…_

"Get _out!_" Robin shouted at the wolf-Robin and the wolf-Starfire in front of him. He pointed to the dimensional portal.

"Out!"

Raven mussed his hair, smiling.

"You'll give yourself a heart attack if you keep doing that," she said.

Cyborg ignored it, painting his mural of a robot surrounded by females. For everyone's health, they also ignored Beast Boy and Starfire.

Then, there was a flash and they disappeared.

* * *

_In yet another universe…_

A newly cloned Robin and Starfire stepped out of the cloning chambers in the brooding, dramatically red Tower. Beast Boy and Cyborg greeted them.

"Dude, Cy, this _never_ ends," Beast Boy said. "Stupid Raven, where is she, anyway?"

"Shh! Don't say that," Cyborg said. "She might hear you, and then, one red energy twist and you've got one dead Beast Boy."

Beast Boy groaned.

"Why can't something just come and pop us somewhere else?"

Flash. Disappear.

* * *

_In the White Space…_

Cyborg appeared first, sonic cannon primed. Starfire popped through next, her fists already glowing green. Finally, Beast Boy appeared, yawning.

"Can't we save this till… never mind," he said.

As far as they could see, there was white, except a miniscule dot of light, and a curled-up swirl. To the left, Warp, a red Raven, and Adonis were lying, apparently sleeping.

"Well, what now?" asked Cyborg.

"Well, we wake them up," Beast Boy said. "Don't you know anything about proper pocedure?"

"Procedure? Yeah."

"…anyway."

"Friends, I recognize that light. It is a dimensional deity."

"A what?"

"One who can open portals between universes, Beast Boy. They are very rare. They like _Margthlorp_ a good deal, and other odd beverages."

"I see. It doesn't look like it's tangible, according to my sensors."

"It is not."

"Right, then what do we do?"

_Crash._

"Whoops."

"Beast Boy!"

"Ugh… Super Bomber Man…" The light flipped up, expanding. "What… good Lord, what're you doing out of the rifts?" it said.

"You know about this?" Cyborg asked.

"Well… swirl!"

The black swirl shifted out and awake. "You've let them out? What for, you fool? Don't you have any foresight, light?"

"You're making my lip curl, swirl. I obviously didn't let them in."

"Oh, shut up, before I must use my—ignite, light… I'll admit that didn't make sense, but it was the best rhyme. Awaken the others."

"Hello? We're still here," Beast Boy said.

The swirl turned. "Ah."

"Smooth," Cyborg said.

"Hear me out," the swirl said. "Your friends will arrive here shortly… you are from Universe 1, yes?"

"Uh… sure."

"Yes, they are," said the light, returning. "Your lackeys are up, by the way, and will wait in your asinine little room. _I _can't tell the difference between it and the other places."

"Yes, well, I'll let them out now," the light said. "Stand back…"

The black swirl channeled some energy and a transparent, yet black box formed. Inside, Slade appeared, still close to apoplexy—or what passed for it with him—over Alluria Ciductris. Then, debris flew out. He blocked and dodged it.

Next, Alluria herself popped out, unconscious. She fell onto the debris, and Slade noted this with some satisfaction. Raven and Terra were thrown out next, Raven still holding an unconscious Robin in dark energy. The black box then fell.

Beast Boy looked uncertain whether he wanted to shout "Raven" or "Terra," and settled for "Rara!"

Raven and Terra rolled their eyes, but still walked over to the three other Titans with relief. Terra smiled warmly.

"Beast Boy… how're you doing?"

"I thought you…"

"Alternate universe," explained Raven. Even she had a hint of a smile.

* * *

"You weren't supposed to bring _Slade_," the swirl said.

"Nevertheless, nothing to do now," said Slade. "I suggest you send me back."

"I was going to suggest the same," said the swirl. "Yet it's clear you may be of use. Stay awhile. You'll be the muscle of the group."

Slade looked at him scornfully. "I'll do no such thing."

"Really," the swirl said. "Then I'm afraid I'll have to…"

Black lightning discharged towards Slade. Quickly, he dashed around, the lightning following him, until he jumped behind the light. It fried the light, and a portal formed in front of Slade.

"Now," Slade said. "Direct this portal towards my home universe and I won't have to kill you all."

"Very well," the swirl said. "Do it, sometime before tonight, light."

The light groaned, and the portal flickered. "It's… ready…" it said. "I need… tea."

"Shut up and give us a respite, light. And be aware that you're passing up quite the opportunity, Slade," said the swirl.

"I'll chance that," said Slade. He jumped through.

* * *

"Can't get them all," said Raven, watching this, to Cyborg. Still, it was good to have her original friends - what seemed like the originals, anyway - back.

Cyborg scratched his head. "So, Raven," he said. "What's new?

Where to begin?

"Not too much," Raven said. "Can you wake up Robin?"

"Sure," Cyborg said, charging his sonic cannon.

"No… not like that."

"Oh." His cannon continued charging.

"Cyborg, are you _nuts_?" Raven asked.

"No, he's _bolts!_" Beast Boy shouted. He and Terra burst out laughing. Everyone else shook their heads.

* * *

"So, to try again, Cyborg, are you _nuts_?"

"Not without a Snickers!"

* * *

"Sickles and Galleons, actually!"

"Stop it, Beast Boy," said Raven. "This is serious."

Beast Boy contained himself.

"No," Cyborg said. "I'm going to deliver a non-explosive sonic blast directed at Robin's head. It'll pass right through him and sound really loud and annoying."

"That's not very nice," Raven said. "Do it. Quick."

There was a screech and Robin sat up. The telekinetic energy around him unraveled and he stood up.

"Was that you, Starfire?"

"Robin!"

"Hello, Star," he said, as Starfire ran towards him. "Uh… we're a little busy, save the hellos for later?"

"Yes, of course."

"All right. So, swirl, what do you want?" Robin asked.

"Just a moment," said the swirl. "Hurry up or I'll blast you till you lose your eyesight, light."

"Good Lord, man, have patience," the light said, and flashed. A jumble of other Titans fell out of a portal.

"Great," said the swirl. "I'll give them half an hour to get presentable and then, we'll begin."

Raven looked up. "I suppose it wouldn't do any good to ask for a portal out?"

The light chuckled. "No, indeed," it said.

"Maybe you should have a drink," Raven said.

"Maybe," the light said. "Could you…"

Raven pulled out the package of tea from her cloak. The light… lit up.

"Excellent." It reached for the tea. Raven pulled it back.

"Not until I see that portal," she said. "You open a portal there, and I'll levitate this box of tea in the air in a cage. Once I go through the portal and get to my universe, the powers will deactivate automatically. It ensures fairness on both sides."

"What makes you think I can't just bring you _back_ here afterwards?" the light said. Raven faltered.

"Because," Starfire said, "the laws of your kind state that dimensional portals may not be opened where the recipients are informed and unwilling."

"What she said," Robin said.

"Blast," the light said. "Right, it's a d…"

"You!" yelled another Cyborg coming up. This one, judging by the cigar and guitar case, was the one from the Evil Universe, as Raven would call it.

"Yo," Cyborg said. "How're ya doing?"

"I want him dead!" the evil Cyborg yelled back. "Kill him!"

The evil Beast Boy, Robin, and Starfire leapt up.

"Oy," Raven said. "Haven't we fought enough?"

"I agree," said the evil Beast Boy. "Let's make love, not war…"

"Never mind," Raven said.

"I'll come back, shall I?" the light said uneasily, and floated away.

"And now you've scared our trip home away," said Raven. "Smooth."

"Our _what?_ Dude! Not cool!" said Beast Boy.

"You're way outnumbered," said Cyborg. "Get out."

The singing Titans walked over, orchestra following them, and started a dramatic tune with a choir. Robin and Raven both rolled their eyes.

"Um… okay," Terra said. "That's kinda freaky."

"Tell me about it," Raven said.

"Well," Starfire said, "a strange set of copies of us have arrived and are…"

"Don't, actually. This sounds like something Control Freak would enjoy."

"Death to the alternates!" shouted the evil Robin.

"Gee, he's just as cheesy as you, Robin," said Raven. "Just evil."

"And yours probably eats babies for recreation," said Robin. "Come on, get ready. Here they come."

To make a long story short, the Universe 1 Titans left the evil alternates charred and injured after twenty minutes of intense fighting.

"Thank you, thank you, ladies and gentlemen, but _especially_ ladies!" said Beast Boy, bowing to his imaginary audience. Terra grinned.

"I'd thank you more if you'd just shut up for a second," Raven said.

"It's against the laws of physics," said Robin.

"Hey!" said Beast Boy. "I may not know physics, but I do know an insult when I hear one."

"You're showing so much progress," said Raven.

"Is he not?" Starfire asked.

"Sarcasm, Star," Robin said.

Starfire shifted her eyes. "I knew that," she muttered.

"Ahem," ahem-ed the black swirl. "Come into the next room, if you will, Titans."

One hundred Titans obediently stood up from the white chairs or floor to pass through a white door into a white auditorium.

"They need better decorators here," said Robin.

"You could use a better costume designer," Raven said. Robin glowered.

"He's right," Cyborg said. "You could have a recharger unit there, and a comp station there, and…"

Raven sighed, for what felt like the hundredth time. Come to think of it, it probably was.

"Everyone here?" the swirl asked. It was floating atop a hundred-foot pillar, with the light next to it, fumbling with a pedestal and a fishbowl. It got assenting nods.

"Excellent. Well then, Titans. I am…" the swirl said something entirely unintelligible. "I have brought you all here to show you the power of _Galaxy Travelers_!"

Raven started to tune him out, scanning the vicinity for threats. High above on the platform, Raven sensed her evil counterpart, red Raven. She nudged Robin and pointed her out. Starfire was also looking upwards.

"Warp," she said. Sure enough, the time traveler stood next to red Raven, smirking and grinning in proper fashion.

Beast Boy and Terra looked up, as well.

"Adonis," they said.

"How do you know him anyway, Terra?" Raven asked.

As Terra responded, there was a sudden sound like a train going by and Raven couldn't hear a word Terra was saying. When the noise stopped, the black swirl had everyone's attention.

"I am the representative for this universe hub of the Galaxy Travelers. We are the multi-dimensional conglomerate controlling galactic travel—and now, we are expanding into inter-universal travel!"

"What does that mean?" Beast Boy whispered.

"They're behind all this," Raven said. "These galaxy travelers are moving into dimensional travel."

"Now, I have come here first to offer my services—as you've seen in your free sample—but before that, I will answer your questions," the swirl said.

There was jostling in the crowd of Titans. Robin called out:

"Why'd you pick _us_?"

"You? Universe-1 Robin, I picked you as the ones to monitor because it was expedient and looked amusing," the swirl said.

"No, why did you send us out here?"

The swirl sighed.

"Perhaps I should simply start from the beginning. Galaxy Travelers is a time-tested corporation, having existed for six hundred and twenty-nine centuries. It has been run by my race—the Litarians—for almost as long. We all have certain innate powers related to energy and its formation, and it allowed us to invent the space engine first and improve it first. Galaxy Travelers has traditionally used space transport and later limited teleportation for our customers, moving them within their universes. However, a few months back, I—executive president of research and development—encountered this fellow trying desperately to drink mustard."

It pointed to the light.

"I made him a contract, fooled him into signing it, and we went into business together. He is, as you may know, having a Tamaranean friend," the swirl said, "a dimensional deity. He opens portals for me, to transport people wherever I tell him. In return, I supplied him a small jar of mustard. It's been a rewarding relationship. Unfortunately, due to printer's error, his contract expires on the last of this year."

"Thank the Lord," the light interjected.

"So, I decided to try giving out free samples, an unprecedented tactic, really," the swirl said.

"You certainly haven't enticed _me_ to buy your product," Raven said. There was a murmur of agreement. "I'd rather _not_ have spent this time fruitlessly."

"Hold, Universe-1 Raven," said the swirl. "Some universes were more appealing and some were worse—I offer you merely a _sample_ of the choice. Pick any universe you like—anything at all that you want can be provided. The more satisfied customers I have, the more likely it is that High Command will let me void that contract and print a new one, automatically legalized."

"_What?_" shouted the light. "I wasn't informed of this!"

"I really couldn't care less, so why don't you go back to being uptight, light?"

The light groaned.

"Anyway," said the swirl, "think about it. The universe of your dreams, up for grabs. Infinite such universes with minute time differentials, in fact. The dream business, right? So I set up shop here and decided to look for a quick common factor. I found a sort of local celebrity quickly—you. The Teen Titans. Present in a good number of the universes I saw."

"Yes, but us specifically," Robin said. "From… Universe 1."

"Oh. That's quite simple," the swirl said, "I wasn't originally planning on using you. One day, though, the light here told me that a paradox had occurred in your universe and he was honor-bound to settle it. He found this odd Warp in your universe, in the form of a baby. Now, when this paid lackey…"

Warp bristled but said nothing.

"…became a baby originally, a _flux _in the space-time continuum opened somehow…"

"No one cares," said the light. The black swirl gave him the evil eye.

"He ended up here," the swirl said. "I sent him back as I had no use for him, but he chose to go to a universe I hadn't noticed yet, and I don't know why. Universe-1 is prime, and it is superbly located."

"Ever think we don't want you invading our universes?" shouted a Titan from the crowd.

"No, not really," the swirl said. "Explorer's right, don't you know?" Without waiting for a response, it continued.

"So, I had the light set up a convoluted plan. Warp was back in his universe, and, as a form of your radio tags, we had already modified his time suit to send signals to the light here, who would then open dimensional portals instead of time portals."

"Oh, you clever bastard!" said Warp.

"Yes, thank you," the swirl said. "We saw the developing situation, opened up a portal to a set of universes I thought you might be interested in, and waited. Not a full complement of Titans went through, obviously, but two was enough."

"You're delightfully cruel," said the red Raven.

"Not really," the swirl said. "Conceivably, I could have sent them on an infinite trip, with only each other's company. Fleshlings."

Taking a page from Raven's book, Robin rolled his eyes.

"So," the swirl said, "that is why I'm here and why you've been experiencing what you have the last few days. Now, I bring you my proposal. As you've probably noticed, I have been monitoring your travels through these universes, as I have been many others," the swirl said.

"He must have some kind of bug," Robin said softly to Raven. He snapped open a compartment on his utility belt and passed it over himself. Over his left leg, it vibrated. Robin opened another compartment and took out a can of something. Raven rolled her eyes. He sprayed something on his leg and there was a flash of electricity, then it faded. Robin tossed the canister away.

"There," he said.

"Right. It's very simple," said the swirl. "I want to offer you transport to whatever universe you like, for however long you like…"

Warp cut him off. "You know, I've always wondered how long forever is," he said. "Can you offer them that?"

"You hush, or else I'll sic the light on you," the swirl said. "I'll bet he could take you with two coils tied behind his bulb."

"I suppose every dog like the light must have his day," said Warp. "Just ask Terra. She's been willing to give _that _sniveling dog a chance." He pointed to Beast Boy.

"Hey! I might be sniveling, but I'm no dog!" shouted Beast Boy.

Raven rolled her eyes.

"Perhaps the light is a bit of a dog, a female one, that is," said the swirl, "but you are only human. I doubt you could win."

"Well, that's as may be. I don't fear anything except fear itself," said Warp.

"Say," Adonis said, licking his lips, "I'd…"

"Just shut up already," said red Raven. "You're going to meet your date with destiny quickly enough as it is."

"Ouch," Adonis said. "A transformation from feisty to frosty."

"Titans," Robin whispered. "Get ready for a rising."

"Uprising, you mean?" asked Raven.

"Yeah, whatever. Whoever takes down the most baddies wins. Winner takes all… of the dish duties for the week… and assigns them to whoever he or she wants," said Robin.

The other Titans' eyes glimmered. "Grass stain, you're going down," Cyborg said.

"Bring it, tin can!"

"No infighting, treason, or betrayal," Robin said quickly. Terra bit her lip.

"Look," the swirl said. "Back to my speech. It's already fractured enough as it is without these constant interruptions."

"Just get ready for their reaction," said red Raven. "They don't look too happy; I'd expect some aftershocks from your speech."

"Thanks, Mother," the swirl said. "Ahem."

All eyes turned back to the swirl.

"As I was saying, transport to any universe you'd like, any one in the multiverse, at a special low rate of…" the swirl said something that came out garbled to the Earthling Titans but evidently flabbergasted the various Tamaraneans, and Alluria Ciductris, who had eleven Robins on her arm at the moment.

"That's ridiculous," she said.

"Think of it! Think of where you've been! I've given you special previews of the worlds before you. The expanses waiting to be used," the swirl said. "Think of the resources, the uses, the demand for these universes. You are all prominent symbols of your universes, so you may spread the word quickly. Imagine going to your ideal universe to live. There are an _infinite _number waiting! With my 'business partner'"—he indicated the sulking light—"I will allow transport of your universes' citizens to their own paradise!"

"Stop shouting," said red Raven.

"I'll give you something to keep that mouth occupied," said Adonis.

She formed a frying pan out of red energy and whacked him over the head with it. He stumbled.

"I meant a _mint,_ obviously," Adonis said. "Geez, what did you _think_ I meant?"

"Well?" asked the swirl. "What do you all say?"

Mumbling.

"Look," Robin said. "The only thing I want is to go back to my universe. In the end, there's no place like home."

"But…" the swirl said.

"I've gotta agree with them there," said red Raven. "There's no place like home. Don't even start, Adonis."

"Actually," Adonis said, "I wasn't going to _say_ anything…"

Adonis motioned to the orchestra from the musical universe. He sang.

_There's no place like home  
Well I say now home, home sweet home  
There's no place like home  
Wherever you wander  
There's no place like home  
_

The light was clearly enjoying itself. Even the swirl stopped to listen.

_Well I used to have a sweetheart  
To walk and talk with me  
But now I have no sweetheart  
What pleasure do I see_

"Sooo, evil mistress…" started Adonis.

"You don't have a half bad singing voice, surprisingly," said red Raven. "But no."

Silence. The swirl cleared its throat.

"So, what do you say? Spread the word?"

"No," Starfire said. "I will not permit you to enslave this dimensional deity." There was a murmur of agreement from the other Starfires in the room.

"Enslave is such a strong word," the swirl said. "Think of it as…"

"_No_. I know what enslavement is. I will not tolerate it with something as… dignified…"

"Dignified isn't exactly the right word," the swirl muttered.

"…I will not tolerate it!"

"I'm touched," the light said, "but one gets used to it."

"Are any of you not fools enough to see what I'm offering you?" the swirl said. "I must've picked the wrong audience."

"We're with Starfire," said an alternate Robin, and the other alternates all chorused in agreement.

"How disgusting," the swirl said.

"I'll just hide now and avoid the rush," the light said, and did so, ducking behind the raised platform.

"The light isn't the point at all," the swirl said. "You'd turn my offer down just because of _him_? He's nothing!"

"Sorry, swirl," said Robin, "but you're too much of a churl."

"Wait, that's my schtick," the swirl said.

"Titans! Take him down!"

"What do you mean, 'him'?" muttered red Raven.

"Intercept, everyone," the swirl said, and then turned back to Raven. "Are you implying something?"

"Of course not. By the way," red Raven said, "you've got a horde of unsatisfied customers and no tech support guys to take the hits. Better pay more attention."

* * *

The swirl turned.

All across the White Space, Titans were fighting other alternate Titans or the members of the swirl's Galactic Traveler squad. It was utter chaos.

"I see."

"My Titans won't fight you, of course, so you've only got, um, ninety to worry about," red Raven said.

"Believe me," the swirl said, "no one turns down the executive director of research and development at Galaxy Travelers."

"Yes, I can see how that title inspires fear and loathing."

"As opposed to 'red Raven'?" asked the Universe-1 Raven, popping up next to her.

"Yes, exactly. _Necronum_ _Hespereth_ _Mortix!_" shouted red Raven. Red energy poured out of her, entangling the Titan in front of her.

"Dark magic. I should've known," Raven said.

_Blam._

Cyborg's sonic blast hurled the red Raven off of the high platform, and the normal Raven reappeared from under the red energy.

"Big mistake," red Raven said, floating about fifty feet below the platform. "This isn't my turf. I'll blow it up however I like."

"It'll rather please me if you don't," said the swirl. "It's on loan."

"Of course, swirl," said red Raven.

"_Booyah!_" shouted Cyborg. Except it wasn't Cyborg, it was the evil alternate. He blasted Cyborg off the pillar.

"You recover quickly," Raven said to the evil Cyborg.

"Our godmother here can heal from long distance."

Red Raven said, "Don't call me that."

"Sorry."

"Whatever. _Azarath Metrion Zinthos!_" shouted Raven. She caught Cyborg in a black energy net and bounced him to the floor, then tossed the evil Cyborg into red Raven. But the red Raven wasn't standing there anymore.

"This is getting _so _confusing," Beast Boy said. "Cyborg's on the ground, but evil Cyborg's on the platform, and red Raven's somewhere, but Raven's in the air…"

"Come on, Beast Boy!" shouted Terra, rushing to fight Adonis.

"Oh, right," he said, and sprinted after her.

The evil alternate Beast Boy and Robin leapt at Raven from either side, and she fended them off with quick black plates of shielding.

"Come on, Cyborg," she said. "End this quickly. I've had enough fighting."

"Right. I hate to do this to a fellow, uh, me," Cyborg said, "but levitate him over here, Raven. Leave the back open."

"Right."

"Wha-hey! Yo, get him off!" yelled the evil alternate. Cyborg plugged his cybernetic arm into the back of his alternate and transmitted a short-circuiting blast of electricity. He fell.

"Well," said Cyborg. "Anyway."

"Anyway's right," red Raven said, popping up in a flash. "Now I have to clone _him,_ too." She raised her hands and her eyes glowed, sweeping several dozen Titans in the vicinity to their feet.

Not the Ravens, though, and seven Ravens floated up, of varying ages. The Universe 1 Raven recognized one, and flew over.

"You," she said. "We met a couple of days ago."

"Right," said the older Raven. "Cyborg painted that room for you guys."

"Yeah. Come on, all of us team up and blast the evil one. If it worked in Nevermore, it should work here. I need every part of me available to defeat my evil side," Raven said.

"Right. On three, everyone. One… two…"

"You really shouldn't spend so much time talking about your plans," said red Raven. She chanted, and the Ravens were blasted apart and paralyzed by a red explosion. She flew up to them in turn, plunging a burning fist into them and watching them disintegrate.

Suddenly, she was struck by a green beam.

"Alluria," whispered the Universe 1 Raven.

"Stand back," yelled the gravity-controlling girl.

"By Trigon, who're you?" asked red Raven.

"Your worst nightmare."

Raven thought she saw the red Raven shudder, mumbling something about Teletubbies.

"I doubt that very much" was what came out of the evil Raven's mouth.

"_Primordinoir!_" shouted Alluria, pointing towards the evil Raven. Red Raven disappeared in a flash, though, and delivered two hits to Alluria's midsection.

"This is my fight, Alluria," Raven called. "Well… our fight," she said, motioning to the other three standing Ravens.

"_Azarath…_"

"Don't be fools," Alluria said. "I'll help as much as I—oof!" She was hurled into a wall.

Red Raven said, "None of you ever pay attention in battle. You could at least pretend."

"_Metrion_…"

As Alluria activated her eyebeams, the red Raven chanted again, throwing the gravity girl into red energy and freezing her there.

"Really, I expected more from someone of such obvious power," red Raven said. "Maybe it's the attention span."

"_Zinthos!_"

The red Raven was hurled at supersonic speed through walls, objects, and eventually crashed against a wall of dark energy.

"How's that for not paying attention?" asked Raven.

* * *

Beast Boy swiped at Adonis, but it was intensely frustrating. He could never hit him; Adonis was too fast, too strong, or simply not there. Terra could barely control anything here in the White Space; the best she could do was to whip mud out of the odd pedestal on the swirl's platform and fling it.

"I always was the better fi… oh wait, that's already been used," Adonis said. "Fine. Beast Boy, you're pathetic."

With a single powerful uppercut, he hit the green Titan across the room and into… Terra's grasp.

"Come on, Beast Boy, he's just a guy in a suit. We can take him."

But evidently others were also having a hard time taking out Adonis. Eleven other Titans surrounded him, firing sonic blasts, starbolts, and the occasional explosive disk, but Adonis's armor absorbed the hits.

"How's that armor work?" Beast Boy asked. "It absorbs _everything_."

"I didn't know you knew the word 'absorb', Beast Boy," said an alternate Raven.

Beast Boy looked over.

"Boy, she never gets nicer, does she?"

"Physically or socially?" asked Adonis.

"Haha! Got me," Beast Boy said. "The second o… wait a second, what am I _doing_?"

He transformed into a rhino and knocked Adonis against the wall.

* * *

Robin and Starfire were in front of Warp, who had already blasted three Titans away.

"Star! Let him have it!" called Robin, hurling another explosive disk at the time traveler, who knocked it away with his armguard.

Starfire shot eyebeams at the suit, hoping to disable it again, but Warp's shields were already there.

"You know," Warp said, "I've been waiting surprisingly long for this to not want it anymore now. But I don't."

"Yeah, I'm gonna fall for that one," Robin said. Warp shrugged.

"It was worth a try. I really don't care that much anymore, to be honest, but honor demands that I took care of this first."

"Whatever," Robin said. "Titans!"

All those in the area turned to him.

"Move! Get Warp!"

Warp sighed. Bad luck had been his forte recently. He warded off a good percentage of the blows approaching him before they began slipping under his guard. He was knocked across the room and fell against a wall, cursing.

* * *

Far above on the platform, the swirl watched the battle rage, shooting down black lightning at clusters of opposing Titans.

The sales pitch hadn't gone at all the way he'd wanted. His boss would have his head for such a disastrous failure. Cutting off relations with twenty universes here alone… millions of _drenfars_ lost.

"I need something ingenious," the swirl said. "Maybe I can start a war for money but say it's because they have gigantic weapons. Then, I can claim it's for liberating the universe from a dictator like red Raven."

It considered.

"No, too far-fetched."

Below, its allies were being pushed back more. It needed… backup.

But unfortunately…

"Alight, light," he said. "As in, get up here."

The light complied.

"Could they _possibly_ know that this is unauthorized?" asked the swirl.

"No, I don't think so," the light said. "Otherwise they'd have gotten Alluria Ciductris to open a portal to Litaria and inform them."

"Hm, very bright, light. Still, I don't think I have a choice but to do so myself, despite, light, the danger."

"What?"

"Are you blind? We're being beaten, you _millwright_, light. We need assistance."

"They'll kill you. And me. I'm not doing it."

"You had better bite, light, the bullet, and do it, or else I'll have to drain you of your power and, um, turn you all snow-white, light. I…"

_Boom. _Six Robins swung up and tossed explosive disks.

"…will be right back," the swirl said, twirling away and shooting black lightning at random.

* * *

Red Raven was pummeled from every side by blasts of black energy closing in on her. In defiance, she released a gigantic sphere of energy around her which knocked the other Ravens away.

She turned, her eyes flashing.

"You people never learn your lessons," she said, waving her hand. More energy exploded a white bookshelf nearby. White books scattered across the white floor ("Not quite white, light," the swirl said) and hit white walls.

"It's really frustrating," said red Raven. "Just listen to him and buy some of his products and we wouldn't have to fight."

She stopped.

"By Trigon, I sound like a telemarketer."

* * *

"Okay, that was completely uncalled for," Adonis said, groaning and standing up.

"What? We're _fighting_, dude," Beast Boy said. "It's not like…" He made a series of extremely odd sound effects. Terra giggled slightly.

Beast Boy's sound effects were interrupted by Adonis's fist.

"…completely uncalled for," Beast Boy said.

Three more Terras walked up to Beast Boy and helped him up. He grinned.

"Maybe Trident was right. You can never have too much of a good thing. One at a time please, ladies."

He was smacked lightly on all sides.

* * *

Warp spun around and saw Adonis fighting. He jumped over to the man, sliding to a halt and shooting his shoulder blasters outwards.

"Adonis," he said. "Team up. They outnumber us."

"I wish… oh, wait, you're not red Raven."

Warp tried extremely hard not to think about what Adonis had been about to say.

"So," Adonis said, "I'm going to change the subject." He delivered an uppercut to a passing Cyborg.

"Right," Warp said, blasting a Robin and a Beast Boy away. He noticed they started to do film noir style monologues to the walls.

"Well, what were you saying?" Adonis asked.

"We need to team up," Warp said. "There's too many of them and they all work together perfectly."

He noticed one of the Ravens slap a Beast Boy.

"Almost," he amended.

"I'll go get Red Raven," Adonis said quickly.

Warp sighed.

"What a moron."

Robin chose this moment to jump at him and kick him to the floor. Starfire followed up with starbolts, and he countered them only with short blasts from his blasters, trying desperately to fight off three Robins at the same time.

"I swear," he said, "temporal powers are _not_ very useful in this dimension."

"Yeah, I guess crime just makes you _do_ time," Robin said.

A silence fell over the White Space.

"Sorry," Robin said.

The swirl floated up behind him and delivered a gigantic jolt of black lightning. Robin twisted, arced, and fell down, twitching. A couple of Starfires rushed to his aid, and Raven directed one of her doppelgangers to heal up the fallen Titan.

A Cyborg leapt up behind the swirl and adjusted his cannon slightly, then grinned.

"_Booyah!_" he shouted, and blasted the swirl a hundred feet away, back to the platform. Robin stood up, swaying.

"You're future Cyborg from that second universe, right? The one who painted our room?"

"Whoa-whoa-whoa," said a Beast Boy nearby. "_Our_? Has Robin been hiding something?"

"Shut up," Robin said. "Are you?"

"Yeah," Cyborg said, chuckling. "Modified wavelength cannon to hit things with coherent infrared instead of sonic waves."

"Fascinating," Robin said. "Explain it to me after the fight?"

"Right," the older Cyborg said, and sped away.

Robin nodded and turned to Starfire. "Come on, let's get Warp."

The time traveler was running towards the center of the fray where the swirl had been blasted. Robin swung on a cord towards him, landing in front of him, and Starfire flew up from behind.

"Damn it," Warp hissed. "Stop bothering me!"

"Sorry," Robin said, "but you're bothering _us_ too much."

"I wanted revenge," Warp grumbled, "but not _this_ much all at once."

"_Caveat emptor_," said Robin, flinging electric disks at Warp. One connected and the suit crackled dangerously. Warp cursed.

"This is your fault again, you damned Tamaranean!" he shouted. "You and your pathetic insistence on freeing that light! You could've had anything you wanted!"

"All I want are my friends!" shouted Starfire.

"Maybe you. I could go for a tofu sandwich, myself," mumbled Beast Boy. Cyborg was not amused.

"Yo, are you _crazy_? I wouldn't go within half a mile of a tofu sandwich after all the trouble it started."

"It wasn't the tofu's fault!"

"If there'd been some meat, slimeball, none of this would've happened!"

Warp scowled darkly. He pressed a button and began flickering in and out.

"I don't think so," said the light. There was a flash and Warp stabilized, cursing fluently.

Robin didn't even notice, though. He was too busy listening to Cyborg and Beast Boy. Warp snuck a glance at him and ducked back.

"If I'm to get any escape," he said, "I've got to get rid of that damn light."

* * *

The swirl, blasted away by the older Cyborg, fell behind the platform, gasping for breath, and saw the light.

"I invite, light, you, to open up the reinforcement portals now before it's too late. Enough Litarians on our side can turn this battle around and at least save me the rental costs," the swirl said.

"Oh, bother," the light said. "What's to be done now?"

"Come on," the swirl said. "You should… _brighten_ up."

The light groaned again.

"Seriously," the swirl said, "they still don't know about the unauthorization. Unless they really _were_ talking about that last universe."

"Eh," the light said. "They well could have been."

"Don't be such a... um… a termite, light. Hurry up before I disintegrate you."

"I'm through with you," the light said, holding up a package. "The Titans are all going back. I've got my tea. Retreat to Litaria and you might keep your dignity."

"Don't threaten me," the swirl growled. "You'd better be quite contrite, light, or you'll be sorry."

"So… he'd better be sorry, or else he'll be sorry?" asked red Raven, popping by and disappearing. The swirl realized what he had said.

"She's very annoying," the swirl muttered. "Right, light, I'll ask you one more time. Open the reinforcement portals."

"Never," the light said.

"Fine."

Black lightning incinerated the package the light carried. It watched in horror as its tea melted away.

"You'll never see its like again unless you _hurry up._ I swear it."

The swirl looked nervously back.

"…I must get back to the battle, but _open those portals._"

It left.

The light cursed. Then, a figure turned the corner and the light looked up at it.

* * *

"Time to test the theory," Warp said to himself, ducking back behind the pillar, where the light was cowering.

"Dear me, what a fright, light," he said in German.

"Not you, too," the light said.

"It's funny," Warp said in French.

"No, it isn't."

"Well, everyone else thinks it is," Warp said in Spanish.

"They're stupid," the light said. Warp grinned.

"I knew it," he said.

"So did I," the light said.

"No," Warp said, casting an annoyed glance his way, "not that. It seems to me like you don't _exist_."

"Really?" asked the light.

"Yes," Warp said. "You keep a fish in the fishbowl on that pedestal on the platform…"

"In the house that Jack built, yes, I know, hurry up," said the light.

"Well, I've got it. Your fish translates what you say from _English _English to understandable English. It also translated the languages I tried on you to English. I bet it also translated the Litarian's speech to English for everyone around here listening. And it did it so well that you didn't even notice I was saying something different just now. It's too convenient. How could evolution possibly evolve something like this in forty-six hundred million years?"

"Now, look here," the light said. Warp raised a hand.

"You're a fraud, and it proves that your dimensional powers exist—you grabbed the fish from somewhere else. But you told me that faith powers your dimensional powers—you're a deity. And proof of the innateness denies faith. Without power, you're nothing! QED! Out!"

"That really doesn't make any sense," the light said.

"_Out, damn it!_"

There was a sudden bright flash. Warp couldn't see anything for an interminable two seconds. He heard the light say, "No, it's not logical… w-what are you…"

When he could see again, the light was gone.

"Excellent," Warp said. "Now that the swirl can't bring me back… I'm out of here. Oh, and note to self: stop self-narrating."

He turned to flee somewhere, but then saw the rampant fighting still continuing.

"Actually…"

_Whack._

Robin and Starfire stood in front of him.

"We're not even started with you," Robin said.

"Great," Warp said, and charged up his suit.

* * *

Adonis returned to where he'd been with Warp.

"Tell her, Warp, that it's no trick and we have to work together," he said to the air, dragging an unhappy-looking red Raven behind him with one hand. She was blasting Titans even from that position, shooting red energy blasts in almost random directions.

"Where?" she asked, glaring daggers at him.

"In my bed, if at all possible."

Red Raven sighed and disappeared in a red flash.

"Golly gee willikers, Warp," Adonis said. "She sure shut us down."

He wondered why he was talking like that but disregarded it, and sure enough, it went away, much to his relief. He also wondered why he was talking to Warp when he was clearly not there. Maybe eating paint chips wasn't such a good idea.

"But Dr. Light says it's beneficial to my constitution," he said out loud. Everyone nearby looked him oddly. Beast Boy muttered something and Terra mumbled something back. They both laughed.

Feeling that an insult to his masculinity had just been given, he grabbed a nearby Titan and prepared to deliver a smashing uppercut.

Then, he saw who he'd grabbed. It was an alternate Raven.

"Maybe you could _substitute._ It's not quite like the real thing…"

Red Raven saw, well, red. She flung everything around her in a rapidly-spinning circle and dashed over to Adonis.

"Right," she said, clenching her fists.

"Ah, changed your mind, I see?" asked Adonis. Red Raven seethed.

"You are an uneducated barbarian lout, ludicrously inept, probably got your mother to make you that suit, and couldn't tell your ass from a hole in the ground with both hands and a shovel. I'm sick and tired of your come-ons, your horrid pick-up lines, your utterly malodorous stench, your terribly unconscionable manners, your completely pestiferous behavior, and your lack of personal hygiene. Die!"

A gigantic blast of red energy knocked him into the ground and there was a crunch of the metal of Adonis's suit. The red Raven stomped away.

"Well," Terra said. "That sure makes our job easier."

Beast Boy looked at Adonis, clearly out cold.

"Sure looks like it," he agreed. "Let's go."

"Where?"

"Uh…"

Beast Boy thought.

"Maybe we should stop that evil-looking Raven…" he said.

"Yeah, but she just helped us."

"I guess so… There aren't a lot of bad guys, are there?"

Terra ticked them off with globules of white mud.

"Adonis, but he's down; that light, but he's being forced; red Raven, but she just helped us; Warp; the swirl; the evil alternates… speaking of which…"

"You called?" said another Terra, standing next to a smirking Beast Boy and Starfire.

"Oh, well, you're just as powerless here," Terra said to her alternate.

"Sure about that?"

"Yeah, pretty sure."

"Phooey," said the evil Terra. The Beast Boy from her dimension stepped up next to her with Starfire.

"Well, we're not powerless," he said.

"Dude, how many times have you lost to us?" asked Beast Boy.

"Shut up!"

"You will be quiet or suffer… tickling!" shouted Starfire. Everyone sweatdropped, but she didn't notice.

"I'd so give up if I were you. Besides…"

Another couple of Beast Boys approached. Beast Boy grinned at his alternate.

"They're older than me and they can turn into dragons."

_Foosh._

"Eww," Terra said.

"I love the smell of napalm in the morning," said Beast Boy, turning away from the three fallen alternates.

* * *

Red Raven saw her Beast Boy go up in flames and cursed. There was an explosion of red energy several feet away.

"Do I have to clone _all_ of those worthless schmucks?" she asked.

Then she noticed how isolated she was. She'd watched two of her allies be destroyed, had personally destroyed another, and they were few enough to begin with.

About two dozen Teen Titans came towards her.

"Talk about your uneven odds," red Raven murmured, looking at all of the Titans she'd already knocked out.

"Now _that's_ redundant," said the Universe-1 Raven. "Odds are uneven by definition."

"I wasn't talking numbers, you buffoon."

"It takes one to know one."

"You indelible cretin, if you can't understand the semantic meanings of uneven, you shouldn't be here," red Raven said.

"You should have specified."

"It was a bit of wordplay."

"Unacceptable excuse."

"Are you trying to stall me?" asked red Raven.

Slowly, Raven grinned.

"Yes."

"…_Zinthos!_" chorused Ravens behind her. Streams of black energy built up to an impenetrable quivering egg of black energy. The Universe-1 Raven stepped up, chanted, and the shell exploded. When the hum of energy stopped, the red Raven lay still on the floor.

* * *

Warp ducked away from the onslaught of attacks of the various Titans surrounding him.

"You can't stop me from leaving now," he said. "No light, no way to stop…"

"What?" asked Starfire. "What have you done with him?"

"He never logically existed," Warp said. "I simply pointed it out. Think Wile E. Coyote. Er, not that I know what that is. Or ever watched it. Every day."

Robin and Starfire sweatdropped. Warp cleared his throat.

"Anyway…"

"Not so fast," Robin said, tossing a birdarang at Warp's suit. Warp shouted out as it hit and disappeared in a flash. His suit seized up again.

"Damn! I need to get something more reliable," said Warp, pounding his suit frantically. _No! The battery runs low now, of all times, _he thought.

He decided to risk it all on a gambit, and punched in a code.

Suddenly, he started to flicker, and grinned.

"Goodbye, Titans! I'll be back!" he shouted, and faded away.

* * *

The swirl floated up to the platform to check the dire situation.

When it saw the full extent, it cursed. The light was gone. Warp had just disappeared. Red Raven was lying still below him. Adonis was crushed and unconscious at best. Only the alternate evil Robin was still holding the other Titans from attacking the swirl himself.

Halfheartedly, the swirl sent black lightning down to vaporize anything he could. It didn't work; they were too agile. He could perhaps defeat them one by one, but that clearly wasn't going to happen.

Running through the choices, it was clear he didn't have a chance to beat them anymore.

In fact, had he ever? Perhaps it had been more than unwise to bring ninety-five possible enemies in when those on your side never numbered more than ten.

"Next time I go up against these heroes, I'll make _sure_ to bring a full army," said the swirl.

They had put up a valiant fight. Many of the various Titans were completely out of commission. He saw only about two dozen still standing... and the girl Alluria Ciductris.

A glimmer of hope for survival—though not distinction or reward, certainly not that anymore—appeared. He snuck up on her.

"I'll be lucky to live out the next decade," the swirl thought, and fired off black lightning at Alluria.

She screamed as it hit her, and the swirl held its breath, hoping that the same principle would work with her as it had with the light's drunkenness…

A random portal opened. _Yes!_

Before she could react, the swirl was inside the portal and gone.

* * *

Adonis woke up.

"She touched me," he thought. "She wanted me so badly her emotions got out of whack and, bam! Dead suit. Wow, I've got to be more careful around her."

He shrugged off the shards of his broken suit and saw the continuing battle… and red Raven, lying still, eyes closed.

"Raven!" he cried, running over to her. "Red Raven…"

He pressed his suit to her forehead, hoping to wake her, but she didn't move. He cursed and feebly felt his emotions rising, but suppressed them, instead turning around.

He saw Alluria Ciductris fighting the evil alternate Robin. This distracted him mercifully of his women problems, until the swirl dashed over and blasted her, opening a portal. Adonis supposed he'd better get out of this forsaken universe as well, so he dashed into the portal at top speed, just making it inside.

What would he do, though? What was the point, without red Raven?

Then, he remembered.

"_You don't have a half bad singing voice, surprisingly."_

Maybe he would go into singing in the coming universe.

* * *

The light was confused. Apparently, it didn't exist any longer; this much was clear, as the Translator Fish was gone. Yet the light itself was still there.

In fact, it was roaming the middle of an empty domain… completely dark… wait.

"This… is the Void," it said. All of a sudden, nonexistence seemed preferable.

Farther off, Killer Moth, wandering in the void, noticed the light. Finally, some source of illumination… maybe even a source of food? Whatever it was, he was going to go investigate… and then… escape!

* * *

"Alluria!" shouted the alternate Robin she'd wrapped around her little finger. The gravity-controlling girl was bent double, coughing.

The traveling Robin saw the swirl and Adonis jump through the escape portal, though. He motioned as if to follow them, but thought better of it.

"Titans, let them go," the Universe-1 Robin said. "I'm not risking going through another one of _those_ for the rest of the year."

"If not the rest of my life," Raven said.

"Cleanup time, then..." He stopped.

"Alluria can open us all portals… home. Right?"

Recovered, Alluria smiled at him. "Right."

"Cyborg, gather the Titans into fives and sixes by their universe," called Robin.

"I'm on it," chorused thirteen voices. Raven rolled her eyes.

"Alluria," Robin said. "We'll send each group up to you with descriptions of their universes. Then, can you target them portals quickly?"

"Of course, I can do anything."

"Why am I not surprised?" murmured Raven.

"Let's start right now," Robin said. He leaned over to Raven.

"What are we going to do about the Musical Universe?" he asked. Raven shrugged.

"I don't know, and I don't care."

Robin grinned. "Fair enough."

As the groups of Titans, all holding limp teammates, passed through, Robin turned to Starfire.

"Where's that dimensional deity?"

"I do not know. He has disappeared," Starfire said. "I could find no hint of his presence." She sighed. "They are very rare and very powerful, Robin, but they have never known how to properly protect themselves. Tamaran has always shielded them, but look at the cost to us this time."

She pointed to the groups of unconscious Titans.

"I do not know, was it worth it?"

Robin put his hand on her shoulder.

"You know we did the right thing, Starfire. All of them know that. It's part of the job description. We do what we need to for the rest of the world. Well, except the evil Titans, but they're all gone anyway."

Raven approached. "What'll we do with my evil alternate, Robin?"

Robin shrugged. "Leave her. She's too dangerous for us to let her go in that dimension."

Raven nodded. A group of Titans came up to them, the first they'd seen with all its members still standing.

"Hey, man," the alternate Cyborg said. "Promised I'd explain the cannon blast after the fight. It's all on this disk." He took something out of his arm and handed it to Robin.

"Thanks, Cy," Robin said. "This'll help a lot. Bye."

"Wait up, Rob," Cyborg said. "They've got a present for you too."

The alternate Robin and Raven approached, holding hands. The Universe-1 Beast Boy, Starfire, and Cyborg looked at their own Robin and Raven with mixtures of surprise, amusement, and confusion on their faces.

Robin and Raven both blushed and looked away from each other.

"Well, Robin," said the alternate Raven. "It's been fun to meet you again. You too, um, Raven. A present."

She handed Raven a small black jewel with odd cuttings in the sides, attached to a necklace.

"This could help you to focus and store power to help against Trigon."

"Thanks," Raven said, taking the jewel.

"And as for you, Robin," future Robin said, "something that could be similarly helpful for you. Since I don't have superpowers and I'm always on the lookout for new equipment, Raven and I whipped up _these _gems."

He took a shining carved rainbow gem out of his pocket. Raven snickered.

"It matches you perfectly," she said.

"Indeed!" Starfire said, missing the sarcasm entirely. Watching Robin's complexion, Beast Boy, Cyborg, and Terra were containing themselves with great difficulty.

"Anyway, it discharges blasts of energy. Your Raven can probably refill it, too," Future Robin said.

And with an odd chuckle, he and the alternate Raven stepped away.

Robin looked down at his gem. "There's something odd about this…" he said.

Something dawned on him. His eyes widened.

He held his rainbow gem to Raven's black jewel. They fit together perfectly, and shined with a white brilliance.

Robin looked at Raven.

Raven looked at Robin.

Silence.

"Are you trying to say something?" they both yelled after the alternates. The future Robin and Raven cracked up as they entered the portal.

So did three other Titans, standing behind Robin and Raven.

Starfire leaned in towards Robin.

"Please, Robin, I believe I have missed something…"

* * *

As Robin was directing another load of Titans to their home universe, Terra walked up to him.

"Robin..." she started.

"Yeah?"

"You're the leader, you decide things about the Titans, right?"

"Just go through, you'd notice if you'd left behind anything, it'd stand way out against the white," Robin said to a group of alternate Titans. "Sorry, Terra. It's busy here. Yeah, I guess I'm the leader."

"W-well… you're letting me stay with you to go back to your universe, right?"

"Right," Robin said.

"Okay, whew. I didn't really want to go back to my own, but an alternate Robin told me that I wasn't allowed to go…"

"Who?" asked Robin, his eyes narrowing.

"That one over there…" Terra pointed to a lone Robin, sitting in the corner. The Universe-1 Robin stalked over to confront him.

Then, he recognized him.

"Wait… we never did take care of the evil alternate Robin, did we?" he asked Raven, who was nearby.

"Nope," Raven said.

"Blast and damn," the evil alternate said, and drew his bo staff, twirling it around. "Duel me, then, Robin!"

Robin thought about all the battles he'd been in for the last… he'd lost track of time, but he thought it was four days.

The alternate Robin grinned wolfishly. "What's the matter, scared?"

Robin gave a sigh of ultimate frustration, took out his rainbow gem, and vaporized the alternate.

* * *

_Later…_

"And that's a wrap," Robin said. The last of the alternate Titans disappeared into the portal. "Just one more, Alluria."

"Right," said the gravity girl. "Maybe we'll meet again, Robin."

"Maybe," Robin agreed.

"Maybe _not_," muttered Raven and Starfire. To their surprise, Terra also muttered it. They looked at her oddly. She blushed.

"Look at the way Beast Boy's looking at her! It's disgusting!"

"_I_ didn't notice any difference," Raven said.

"What? He's drooling, his eyes are widened, he's hanging his arms like a Neanderthal, and he's babbling incoherent nonsense," said Terra.

"Exactly," Raven said, smirking.

Alluria waved her hands and a black, swirling portal opened.

"There you go," she said. "Goodbye."

Robin opened his mouth.

"Bye," Raven said, cutting him off. "Let's go, guys."

Robin smiled. "We're not… jealous, are we?"

"Of _what_?"

Robin realized he'd made a mistake. Luckily, Beast Boy took over.

"Her figure?" he said, in perhaps the dumbest move he'd made yet. Robin, however, breathed a sigh of relief as Raven verbally abused the green Titan to the point of tears.

"Bye, Alluria," he said, interrupting the litany of insults. "Cyborg, pick up Beast Boy and let's go."

Cyborg did so, lifting the quivering, cowering mass that was Beast Boy onto his shoulders.

"And… Starfire, you'd best get Raven… you're the one with the super strength, I think you'll need it."

Starfire nodded and grabbed Raven, who was still hurling finely-pointed barbs about Beast Boy's belief system, vegetarianism, and fetishes.

Robin, laughing, motioned to Terra, Cyborg, and Starfire and they jumped through the portal, disappearing in a flash.

Alluria smiled, opened a portal for herself, and jumped in.

* * *

_Six hours later…_

Red Raven opened her eyes. While inconvenient, playing dead in a healing trance had at least saved her from having to see Adonis. And at least she had Alluria Ciductris to thank for distracting him, or else…

She shuddered, then stood up, stretched, and looked around the White Space, truly empty now save the viewscreen, filled with static.

She picked up the swirl's remote control, looking at it.

"Huh. It doesn't just control this viewscreen, does it?" she said aloud. "It controls his entire operation… executive director of research and development or whatever…"

She tucked it into her cloak and took out the vortex modulator she had gotten from the swirl. _Why didn't I think of this earlier?_

Forming a suit like Warp's out of red energy, she plugged in the modulator, opened a dimensional portal, and stepped through.

Landing in front of Titans Tower, she went in, sighing.

* * *

_Five minutes later…_

Warp saw the last inhabitant of the White Space leave. He thanked whatever gods there might be again for his bluff working on the Titans.

"Really quite genius," he said to the nothingness. "Bluff them, use the energy reserves in the suit to create an escape mechanism effect, and then ease behind the white wall that blends in perfectly with everything else before all the power's out. If it wasn't so location-specific, I'd remember it for later."

He went to the viewscreen and plugged his suit's power cord in, then waited patiently for the suit to finish up.

_The Titans will still pay_, he thought. _Oh yes, they'll pay._

He opened a portal and jumped through.

Lost in his thoughts, he heard a sharp crack as he came out of the portal and crashed through a glass window. Then the pain kicked in.

* * *

_Six hours and two minutes ago from the last chronological note, or really just after arriving in Universe-1…_

Robin heaved a sigh of relief as he appeared in the sunlight hitting Titans Tower. The other Titans stood with him, chatting comfortably.

"It's grand to be back at home," he said, opening the doors to the Tower.

An odd sight confronted him. The entrance hall was entirely pink and covered in sludge. He paled.

"Dammit! How will we get out of this one?"

Starfire shifted her eyes.

"Um… I thought it would be more glorious than it was," she said.

Raven looked up, icy.

"You had better not have done anything to my _room_…"

Starfire paled.

"Um… how badly would you kill me if I had?"

"_Mercilessly_," Raven said, grating her teeth.

"Eek!" Starfire rushed upstairs, and they heard a lot of sloshing about of paint. In less than two minutes, she was downstairs again.

"No harm done, friend Raven!" she said, panting.

"Good," Raven said, disappearing upstairs. "I'll be meditating."

Chuckling, the other Titans dispersed.

"Hey Robin…" said Beast Boy. Robin turned.

"Me and Cyborg _both_ beat your high score in Maxi-G-Force 500!"

"What? Not for long, you haven't!"

Grinning, he, Beast Boy, and Cyborg rushed to the Gamestation.


	11. Epilogue: Verge

_Epilogue: Verge_

Again, this is unedited and I apologize for that.

* * *

Raven was downstairs again, sipping herbal tea and relaxing after the long trip. Starfire hadn't screwed up her room permanently, and she thought it for the best that she'd never seen how it had looked.

Robin walked in the doors, returning from his nightly sweep of the city.

"Nothing?" she asked.

"Nothing," Robin replied.

He collapsed onto the sofa with a huge sigh.

"It's so good to be home," he said.

"I've heard," Raven said from behind her book. "Only about fifty-six times, in fact."

Robin shrugged. "Well, it _is _good. Imagine being stuck in the musical universe for years."

Raven shuddered. "You know, I'm pretty glad I'm back myself, now that you mention it."

"Come to think of it," Robin said, "it wasn't actually that bad."

"Really," Raven said. It wasn't a question.

"Yeah. We met interesting people. It was fun," Robin said. "And Raven?"

Raven looked up at him. His hand moved to his facemask, and her breath caught in her throat.

"Yes, Robin?" she said.

"I'm glad you were along; it would've been so much worse without you."

Raven barely heard what he was saying. She saw him touch his eyes, touch his mask, grab it. His fingers slid under the mask casually, slowly, and she couldn't pull her eyes away as he… he…

Robin was confused. Raven was staring at him like he was a square egg, all because he'd _complimented _her.

Also, his eye itched a lot. He reached his hand up slowly, still wondering why Raven was staring at him. He scratched his eye, knowing it would only exacerbate the problem.

"Something wrong?" he asked.

She coughed and a disappointed look crossed her face. He wondered whether he was in another alternate dimension, but dismissed the idea as paranoid.

Oh. So much for Boy Wonder's secret identity.

"No, nothing's wrong," she said, cursing herself and her impetuousness and her curiosity and him and his… um…

"If you're sure… I've got some jet lag to work off, now," he said, getting up. "Oh wait, one more thing."

"What?"

"Why did you scream 'raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens' in the first universe we went through? I didn't know you even knew _Sound of Music._"

"Oh," she said. Robin thought she blushed, if that was possible. "Did I yell that? I didn't mean to. It must've been what I was thinking about."

"But that's something… happy-ish."

"Not everything is doom and gloom," she said. "Even with me."

"I guess so," Robin said with a skeptical look.

Raven glowered.

"All right, you got me," she said. "I was thinking about _Starfire_. I have a secret crush on her, you know. I don't actually read books or meditate, I just think about her in all my spare time."

Robin's jaw dropped.

"Really?"

"_No! By Azar's flaming ti…er… fits…Robin, even Beast Boy would've recognized that!_"

"Oh. Well…"

Starfire swooped in.

"Robin! Would you join me for the consumption of junk foods and the watching of a maple tree-chicken hybrid moving around rapidly?"

"The watching of a…" Robin trailed off.

"A sappy chick flick is not a 'flit,' Starfire," said Raven. "Flitting is moving around, yes, but a chick flick is a movie."

Robin looked terribly confused.

"Maple tree, syrup, sap, sappy; chicken, chick; hybrid is 'sappy chick,' and then there's moving around rapidly, or flitting around, which is _not_ 'flick' but sounds like it," Raven said.

"Precisely!" said Starfire, and grabbed Robin.

"Uh, night, Ra… ow!" he said, disappearing around the corner.

"Good night," Raven said to the empty room. She seemed to say things to empty rooms a lot, and resolved to stop it from then on.

Then, she remembered.

"Cyborg?" she called.

* * *

Three hours later, there was a knock at Robin's door. He sighed, but it was just as well. He couldn't sleep, and every time he'd drifted into fitful slumber, his dreams had been full of pain and suffering and screaming so loud he'd thought he was awake. He blamed it on the 'sappy chick flick,' which had turned out to be Warp Trek V. Sappy, yes, but not chick…

The now annoyed-sounding rap on his door brought him back to his senses.

"Yeah, come in," he said.

It was Raven.

"Hi, Robin. You were right, something is wrong," she said. He stood.

"Go ahead," he said.

"I haven't beaten you to a pulp for landing on me yet."

_Crack._

* * *

Beast Boy lay in great pain in the ninth-floor hallway.

"Stupid Raven," he said. "I didn't mean for stupid Cyborg to eat that stupid sandwich."

He noticed someone else breathing nearby and spun as best as he could.

"Oh, hey, Cyborg. Eheheh. I didn't say anything. Funny seeing you here."

"Oh, man, I'm never gonna be able to fix dents _here._"

The two Titans heard a crack, and then faint screams far away.

"Poor Robin," Cyborg said.

"Whatcha talkin' about, 'poor Robin?' Poor _us!_"

They heard a thud from very far away… as if someone had been pushed out a window.

"…poor Robin," Beast Boy said.

* * *

Robin groaned. "Well, I hope you're satisfied," he said. "Now I have to get a new window, too."

Still, looking down at the tied-up, subdued body of Warp, Raven was widely smiling, and he couldn't help but join in. That was a rare occurrence, after all.

"Poor Warp," he said, and kicked the time traveler out of the cracked window, then faced Raven.

"Now how am I supposed to sleep with the wind blowing in?"

"Well," she muttered, "you could always share…"

Grin.

"… with Starfire."

Robin nearly did a spittake. "What? Her room? It's pink and purple all over, except where it's _neon orange_."

"I know. I'd think you'd like it, considering your taste," Raven said, pointedly looking at Robin's costume.

"Will you shut up already?"

"Fine, fine, don't share with her..."

He opened his mouth again.

"Share with Beast Boy," Raven said.

"Oh. I see. All right. One more thing."

"Yeah?"

"Azar's flaming _fits_…"

"Don't judge me," said Raven… almost playfully. It was very strange. "Sleep tight."

She walked away. Far off, Robin could've sworn he heard a violin playing.

* * *

"What're you two doing lying in the hallway?" asked Terra.

"Dude, isn't it _obvious?_ We… we… come to think of it, Cy, what are we doing?" asked Beast Boy.

"I don't know about you, but Raven ripped out my internal motor."

Beast Boy facepalmed. "So I've been lying here for three hours wanting to have some tofu pie for _no reason_?"

Terra helped him up.

"Come on," she said. "Let's get some pie. Uh, non-tofu pie."

"Awesome!" said Beast Boy, and they walked off.

Cyborg glared after them.

"Thanks a _ton, _guys," he said.

* * *

_Hours later…_

Robin was about to give up on sleep. Sharing with Beast Boy had not panned out. He had learned that Beast Boy transformed in his sleep, the hard way. After a time recuperating and wondering whether Beast Boy was really 'accidentally' dreaming about 5,000-foot gastropods, he went to Starfire.

She offered to share her room readily, but Robin explained that he'd need some kind of blindfold first. Starfire offered to create one. When he put it on, it tried to choke him. She explained sheepishly that it had been made out of brqyzodqdfd. He left.

Cyborg was out of the question. No furnishings softer than iron. Besides, he wasn't in his room. In what appeared to be a completely unrelated incident, Beast Boy reported that the ninth-floor hallway was haunted and no one should go there, as he'd personally heard the ghost of an angry machine shouting at him.

Terra was still organizing her new room, and had regretfully declined. Besides, she'd said, it would be… awkward. He'd blushed and left.

Raven had threatened to commit mass murder.

So, here he was, shivering and trying to think of something to do to take his mind off of how stubborn Raven was being. And unhelpful. And mean in every way. Another gust of cold wind came in through the broken window.

He decided to sort his utility belt. This took the better part of half an hour. He remembered midway that he had a glass generator in the belt. To his dismay, he found it totaled. Then, he came across an item that he'd forgotten he'd used.

He looked to his left. Then, he looked to his right. Praising Batman's stealth training, he crept to the door and closed it, then sealed it shut with his Bat-sealer.

He went to the viewscreen, and plugged his utility belt camcorder in.

On the viewscreen, Starfire, with her hair in elaborate curls, was hugging Raven. Raven looked acrimonious. He pressed 'play'.

Starfire kissed Raven.

The coming years of blackmail would be so worth it. She hadn't noticed. Had she?

_The End_


End file.
